Scanner Reports 3-8-19

By Roger the Scanner Guy

When I was young and in grade school I used to be really good at spelling (Believe it or SNOT). I used to write words down over and over again and memorize how to spell them. I almost qualified for the Spelling Bee, I was a real Pro. I was an average student though, I dealt with a lot of crap being an abused kid and bullied too, though I could spell and I loved to read, I hated everything else and spent some time in Special Ed. Just about the time I started to open up emotionally, getting better grades in all my classes, I got Encephalitis-Meningitis, that pretty much put me in the gutter. I had worked very hard in school and had qualified for a scholarship through my writing. I wanted to go to Indiana University, my life was about to take a turn for the better, then I got sick. I was very ill and went into a coma for a bit. My Mom was told I wasn’t going to make it then one day I woke up, she was told then I would never be the same as I was before. I wasn’t for a long time. I could not tie my shoes or dress myself for a bit. In school I would just sit and stare, I was pretty much done. I quit school and tried to work but I really could not do much more than push a broom. I wrote a lot of crappy poetry as I did before I was ill, and the funny thing is I thought my spelling was fine,  it wasn’t. It took all these years later until I started writing for Edhat to find out that I am severely dyslexic.

Through the years I got better at working and got better jobs, I also got better at drinking. As far as retaining knowledge, doing math, or any other Educational crap, it did not work. I never knew that I was dyslexic until a couple years after coming to Edhat. Funny huh? It was kinda like after all the crap I went through as a kid. I was finally going to have a life then God pulled the rug out from under me and said “Just Kidding!”  Anyway I want you all to know why my Spelling SUCKS.  Most of the time I think it’s ok  though it’s not. I want to Thank some of you for helping me out by correcting me except for one beloved street name and everyone knows what street that is. One of the Good Folks next door told me to look behind their property in the 200 Block of South Milpas and I did and saw  one of the worst Encampments I have ever seen, a disaster waiting to happen back there. I hope the property is on schedule for clean up soon, there is way too much junk back there including piles of clothing and a lot of dry brush. I would not doubt if there were a couple of stiffs under all the junk back there. There are also holes cut in the fence for easy access.  I don’t think the place has been cleared out for 10 years. I don’t understand those who don’t leave the land how they found it. Instead they leave garbage all over the place that to me is Illegal Camping…That’s my MILPAS UNDERPANTS and I’m sticking to them. Here are your Scanner Reports.

Scanner Reports, Wednesday:

  • Theft of Alcohol 610 State street at Cost Plus.
  • Check the Welfare of a Code 40 Drunk Male at the East Side Library 1111 East Montecito street.
  • Indecent Exposure and involved in lewd activity behind 3869 State street a male, a dog, and a Bicycle not sure what kind of lewd activity is going on there?
  • Check the Welfare of a subject down on the Mesa Steps one Mesa Lane.
  • Suspicious Subject followed reporting party to his home in the 600 Block of Anacapa and was still waiting for him outside.
  • 20002 Non injury Hit and Run, 211 Robbery, 459 Burglary, 6300 Block of Casitas Pass.
  • 242 Assault at San Pascual and Ortega suspect is the Victims Mothers Boyfiend who lives in the 2500 Block of DLV.
  • Vandalism in the 100 Block of Santa Barbara street male trying doors on an abandoned building than writing on windows. I guess there is nothing else do to around town boring in Paradise.
  • Suspicious Male walking on Turnpike near In and Out Burger carrying a gun in a holster a Baretta, wearing matching sweats with an Eagle logo on the panties and the sweatshirt. SBSO was UTL.
  • 2012  Mercedes GL Class stolen from the 6800 Block of Trigo in I.V.
  • 242 At Santa Cruz Market 324 West Montecito street a transient who thinks he should be allowed to panhandle there struck an employee. The market does not want to press charges they just want him to leave, he was back on THURSday too.
  • Theft investigation First Block of West Victoria.
  • Possible Auto Burglary Smash and Grab from a white vehicle in the parking lot of Chucks of Hawaii 38885 State street suspect last seen East on Via Lucero on a skateboard wearing all black. with a hoodie.
  • 20002 Non injury hit and Run 5400 Block of Hollister silver compact vehicle victim not able to follow has a broken axle. Suspect vehicle heavy front end damage also drivers door suspect a female driver all I got on her.
  • Illegal Camper 214 West Montecito.
  • Med Call front Lobby of PATH 816 Cacique street Fall victim.
  • Possible 242 Reporting party hears someone being beaten up 400 Block of East Anapamu in a house to the rear of a front house.
  • Ten Illegal Campers camping in front of Office Max 219 East Guiterrez, Private Property.
  • Probation Check PATH 816 Cacique.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject living in the 200 Block of West Ortega not heard from in a while.
  • Bad Gardner drives a Black Ford F-150 Ripped off his employers recycling then threatened the reporting Mother with a Wrench. He never would have made it out of the yard if that was my Mother she would have kicked his Sorry Ass! What a punk before police arrived he took off bag of recycling in the back of his truck.


Scanner Reports, Thursday:

  • Med call at the VA Clinic 4440 Calle Real.
  • Med call on Shoreline Drive and San Clemente allergic reaction to a bee sting.
  • Suspicious vehicle 1400 Block of San Pascual a  lite grey Prius.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject hanging out of a vehicle a Kia 136 East Victoria.
  • OverDose Garden Court 1100 Block of DLV.
  • SBPD was on a subject in the 200 Block of South Milpas then took him away must have had warrants.
  • 911 Hang Up from Alta Lucero 3880 Via Lucero a Nursing home next to a cemetery very comforting.
  • 415 Hotel guest threatening staff 400 Block of Alisal.
  • Aggressive Tough Guy Panhandler at Santa Cruz Market again on WEDnesday he hit an employee.
  • Transient harassing customers at BackYard Bowls 331 Motor Way.
  • Campers Palm Ave and Santa Barbara street.
  • Check the Welfare of a elderly parent possibly abused by a daughter in the 2000 Block of Refugio Road.
  • 415 Subject yelling in the parking lot of Planned Parenthood 518 Garden street.
  • Premises check at the Hilton 633 East Cabrillo.
  • Vehicle vs Hydrant Victoria Just South of Moon Drive in Ventura.
  • Med Call at Home Depot in the 6900 Block of Market Place.
  • 100 Block of Bodega Lane 4 Trespassers on a property there smoking.
  • 415 Subject yelling at Children San Marcos at Calle Real.
  • Check the Welfare of a 13 Year old girl with an alarm on her cell phone at SB JR High. I don’t have an alarm on my cell phone though I bought it at Rite Aide.
  • Non injury traffic accident one driver trying to get away Hendrys Beach.
  • 415 Transient 101 West Canon Perdido with a grocery cart.


Will that is all outta me for now, my doctor will be so proud of me I lost a bunch of weight when I was sick, got better and gained it all back. I have to buy new MILPAS UNDERPANTS my old ones got Religion they are all Holy. So had to check out my weight to figure out what size to order, I’m still a few pounds less than the last time I saw him but by the time I see him next week I should be nice and plump again. Will have a great Week End…Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Tom Cat, Clancy, Tiger, Thomicina, Midnight, Merlin, Shadow, FREDDIE!, Maxwell, Lola, PoPo, Tiny, Andy, Fish Head One, and Two, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Rambo, Sherry, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Eddie, Bambi, Bengie, Ricky, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Pat, Mavis, Lafayeytte, Ted, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Willie, Isabelle, Jerry, Debbie, Ken, LUCY! STOBE THE HOBO, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Tom Petty, and Chris Willing we will pee you on MONday-MONday.  Later,  Roger


Written by Roger

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  1. Roger, Besides our coffee shops, churches, supermarkets, parks and all the other areas that normal people have taken for granted to be safe places to conduct our affairs and live our lives, what other places are available to unreformed, unrepentant homeless criminals and the criminally minded who are now on their own recognizance and still committing crimes (reported or not) and engaging in general mischief in public places?

  2. The Moon! What a great idea!!! We can establish it as a Miscreant Base for all “undesirables” much like Britain did Australia, Tasmania and the other colonies. These eventually became thriving, industrious countries under the guiding hands of Great Britain, and at great profit!!! Never mind the opium sales and slavery trade, and the indentured servitude and human trafficking. The price of business is worth it at any cost!!! Roger, I think you should be our First Ambassador to the Moon!!!
    All Hail Roger the First! Pip Pip! Damn, this is some good coffee…..

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