Scanner Reports 1-16-19

By Roger the Scanner Guy

I bought someone a gift for Christmas and forgot to give it to them so I opened it and put it on my shelf. It’s a unique little thing called a “Weather House” it has 2 doorways, one with a man the other with a woman, when it rains the man comes out, when it is Sunny the woman comes out. There is a message there I’m sure, though I’m not sure what it is. Maybe when the man comes out it should be Sunny and Vice Versa. I think a woman might have invented the Weather House, maybe the man ought to be holding a beer when he is in the Weather House as if he is celebrating somehow. Anyway, I like the Weather House but I feel bad that I forgot to give it to my friends and if they confront me I will be more than happy to give it up. I talk to the Little People in the House once in a while, they are the only neighbors I have that like me anymore and they are MINE ALL MINE! I can control them, switch them, around although you might only see their backsides then as if they are saying something else when they come out. I like the little Weather House.

So on MONday I had to go and pick up some medication at Rite Aide and I went through a few things I had laying around like Candy Canes. I cannot eat because they have sugar in them and socks I bought that don’t fit my feet because my feet swell up and put them in a bag to give to some homeless folks under my MILPAS UNDERPANTS. It was raining some as I approached, I hoped I had enough socks. I said “I have candy canes here and some socks if ya all are interested.” This young man starts saying in a loud voice as if in a question “Prison Snacks?” Over and over again. “Prison snacks I don’t want no damn prison snacks what the HELL are you talking about Old Man Prison Snacks?” I handed him a nice pair of new Wigwam ankle socks and said “Prison Snacks? I said Socks and Candy canes.” He was happy with the socks as well were the others and it made me happy to see them happy. I guess after all these years of living here in Santa Barbara I never lost my Chicago accent. Will Here is your Scanner Reports.

Scanner Reports, Monday:

  • House sitting on Mariposa Door blew open, Dogs Barking Sounds like someones in the house possibly in the Fitness Room SBSO responded, I heard of a couple doors blowing open from that wind on Monday
  • Big Pine Tree down on vehicles and wires in the 700 Block of DLV
  • 500 Block of 5th street wires down
  • Audible Alarms Saks, Museum of Art, Carrillo Market Alarms usually go off when there is wind
  • Theft investigation at PATH 816 Cacique
  • Open Door at Sears must be like a ghost town in there they ought to sell everything off cheap
  • Stolen vehicle recovery in the 700 Block of Nopolitos Way
  • Wires sparking in the 3600 Block of Calle Real
  • Elevator rescue 3900 Block of State street
  • Hazard condition Palermo at Modoc
  • Reckless driver at the Albertsons on 246 Subject driving on the sidewalks in a yellow Motor home driver male subject with dark hair
  • Traffic Light Maintenance in the 900 Block of DLV
  • Transformer blown in the 4000 Block of State street live wires down
  • Female bought in the night before by police to Motel 6 in the 3500 Block of State street was refusing to leave the next day which was MONday
  • Elevator Rescue at Sansum Clinic
  • Stolen vehicle 2012 Buick Marino  Dark Blue, 900 Block of Miramonte, Plate GUT358 part anyway
  • 242 Assault RoomMates in the  100 Block of Oceano
  • Window peeper in the 200 Block of West Guiterrez HMA 18 Brown sweater and jeans
  • Shoplifter at Home Depot.
  • Assault at the Smart and Final in the 3900 Block of State street over a bottle of wine
  • Power outages State street at La Cumbre
  • Westbound on Mission from Sheridan an unattended 5 year old child walking wearing a back pack
  • Drinkers 15 East Haley
  • Mason at Milpas Aggressive panhandler transient Assaults citizen after the citizen refused to give the aggressive panhandler money. More like a strong arm robbery attempt.
  • 415 Room Mates and assault in the 2100 Block of Bath street


Scanner Reports, Tuesday:

  • Check the Welfare of a UI Subject walking in traffic 6 East Arrellaga
  • Unknown if injury accident Highway 101 Northbound between Mission and Pueblo
  • Possible structure fire near Loraine at Cathedral Oaks Deputy reporting alot of smoke in the area
  • Possible Wanted Subject Cliff at Mesa Lane
  • Med Call for a female down in the stairwell at Rusty’s 222 West Carrillo she was OK no Medical
  • Theft of 200.00 Dollars worth of groceries from Vons Turnpike suspect last seen in the back of the store HMA wearing all black and a Hoodie
  • Check the Welfare of a child crying for over an hour in the 5400 Block of Richland Drive
  • Suspicious Limo parked in front of the Santa Barbara News-Press building, Film at Eleven.
  • Weird noises coming out of a 1985 VW Van in the 2800 Block of De La Vina “Grunting and Banging” The reporting party reported that they thought someone was getting beat up, I thought other things and we were both wrong. There was only one person in that van and I never heard what they were doing.
  • Premises check SBJR High
  • Burglary to a vehicle in the 700 Block of Olivera
  • 459 Audible Burglary alarm in the 600 Block of Ricardo
  • Act Team request at PATH 816 Cacique street
  • Overdose 4200 Block of Via Real
  • Vehicle over the side Highway 101 Northbound at Old Coast Highway North County
  • SBPD at the Silly Council Meeting at Silly Hall
  • 911 Hang Ups in the area of the 400 Block of South Fairview
  • Non injury accident highway 101 Northbound at Santa Monica vehicles blocking
  • 459 Burglary to a residence in the 3700 Blo9ck of San Remo
  • SBPD going to a Community meeting at Lazy Acres on the Mesa


Will that is all outta me for now. Have a Wonderful WEDnesday…Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Tom Cat, Clancy, Thomicina, Tiger, Midnight, Merlin, Lola, PoPo, Shadow, FREDDIE! Fish Head One, and Two, Tiny, Andy, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Rambo, Sherry, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Eddie, Bambi, Bengie, Ricky, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Pat, Mavis, Lafayette, Ted, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory Willie, Isabelle, Jerry, Debbie, Ken, LUCY! STOBIE THE HOBO, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Tom Petty, and Chris willing we will pee you on FRYday.  Later,  Roger


Written by Roger

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