Scanner Reports 6-8-20

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Growing up I have always been a clown, you don’t live the kind of life I have without having a sense of humor unless you’re a serial killer. There have been many times in my life where my jokes have got me in trouble as some in the past have crossed over between right and wrong but in most cases, I paid the price. I don’t think all women are crazy and I’m not a woman-hater. I do think all 3 of my sisters are nuttier than fruit cakes, they are my sisters and I’m sure they think the same way about me. Most of my girlfriends have been Loony Tunes and I would not have it any other way. I have several woman FRIENDS I have met through Edhat, most are happily committed to their husbands. My women friends are not normal nor do they want to be. Remember when answering machines came out? Over 30 years ago now. One day I came home from an AA Meeting and the light was blinking on my answering machine. I pushed the button and listened to the message out came one of the sexist voices I ever heard. “Hello Big Bird my name is ———-? I saw you in the AA Meeting. Why do they call you Big Bird? Is it because yourrrrrrrr Biiiiiig? I think you’re really hot. I can make you a really happy…” Man she went on to describe what she would do to me in detail. I listened to the message a few more times wondering if it was real then decided to take a chance “What the Hell? What’s the worst that could happen?” I called the number a female voice answered “Hi you called my number and left a message? This is Big Bird.” “Oh” she said, “You said you saw me in an AA meeting you thought I was hot and wanted to know why they call me Biiiiiiig Biiiirrdd? Then you said a few other things.” “What did I say?” she asked. I told her she did not say anything for a moment after that then she said. “I don’t know who the Hell you are but this is Officer ——- at the Santa Barbara Police Department.” I said “Oh Shit.” The police showed up after that listened to the answering machine, laughed, and left. I did not laugh for a long time, I was kinda shook up.

I knew who set it up and one early morning around 2 am I got him back. I almost got shot but it was worth it. I used to have a friend who suffered from severe depression One day went over to Cottage Hospital with my buddy to try and cheer her up. All 3 of us were big people while trying to cheer up my friend. I had to use the can so I went into her bathroom and used it as I was going back out I noticed her little pink nightie on the back of the door. I changed into it. It was a perfect fit. I found some of her makeup and had at it. I looked really funny with my long hair and beard and hiking boots it was sure to cheer up my friend. I opened the door and stepped on out. Jeri busted up laughing I cured her of her Depression I could be a Doctor I’m good. Then I noticed the look on my friend’s face it was Crazied Wow he said I always wondered what you’d look like in a nightie. He got up and made a move toward me I beat feet the HELL out the door Big SonofgaBitch was right on my tail. This huge pink streak flying through Cottage Psyche ward. Back then you could run up one side and down the other. Nurses had no idea what the hell was going on all they knew is one guy was chasing another guy in drag who was screaming they called for help and Cottage Security the patients were laughing I was trying to get back to Jeri’s room almost made it too! But not quite, Nick jumped and tackled me to the floor several male staff members tackled him, there we were in a pile yelling. When all was said and done we got 86ed for a couple days but I almost got 5150ed it all would have been worth it just to see all those patients laugh and smile. Though I’m old now and can hardly move I still like to cheer others up if I can…HERE IS YOUR SCANNER REPORTS.


Scanner Reports, Friday:

  • Campers under the Quarantina Underpass 20  N. Quarantina.
  • Hazardous Condition 600 Block of San Roque Road
  • Highway 101 Northbound at Fairview after non injury accident gas leaking hazard condition.
  • Suspicious circumstances in a back yard in the 500 Block of East DLG.
  • Med call Calle Caesar Chavez at Quinientos.
  • 415pc Road Rage pulled over East Pedregosa at State street.
  • 415pc Road Rage Racial Slurs.
  • Fatal Accident DUI Highway 154 at West Camino Cielo.
  • Heavy set female in her 50’s dragging a small dog by the leash North on State street from Ontare.
  • Med call 600 Block of East Anapamu.
  • East Valley Park in Montecito Smoke investigation no fire.
  • SBPD was on a group of people 1200 East Cabrillo near the Volleyball Courts on East Beach.
  • Wires down 3000 Block of Maryland Way, top of pole was on fire SCE response.
  • Threats investigation Smart and Final 3900 Block of State street.
  • Multi-vehicle accident Turnpike Overcrossing 7 or so vehicles Full county response.
  • 459 Vehicle burglary 617 Garden street.
  • An area check for a Door Knocker in the 500 Block of West Canon Perdido.
  • Non injury hit and run 200 Block of West Micheltorena Vehicle vs Bicycle.
  • 459 Burglary to a vehicle 2900 Block of State street in the CVS Parking lot.
  • Medical call Motel 6, 443 Corona Del Mar.
  • 415pc  300 Block of West Cabrillo 5 juveniles on bicycles 415pc With an elderly subject.
  • 459 Audible Alarm 15 East DLG at The Santa Barbara Trust for Historic Preservation.
  • Five or Six Subjects fighting Chapala at Carrillo, group left in 2 vehicles a Pontiac GTO, and a green BMW I bet the GTO whipped the BMW’s ass
  • Found property 100 Block of East Cabrillo.
  • 415pc Loud Music 2400 Block of DLV.
  • Elevator rescue 700  Block of Cliff Drive.


Scanner Reports, Saturday:

  • 415 Domestic physical 3900 Block of Via Lucero.
  • CSI Harbor Chevron 401 West Montecito.
  • Stolen vehicle 400 Block of North Ontare.
  • PD looking for a subject in the 200 Block of East Sola.-
  • 61pc Investigation Rape, Cottage Hospital occurred near the Rescue Mission 500 Block of East Yanonali, Fryday Evening I heard of another 261pc Rape that occurred near the Salvation Army 400 Block of Chapala.
  • PD looking for a subject in the 800 Block of Bath street.
  • Fall victim Rattle Snake trail head injury mile and a half from the entrance.
  • Assault victim 900 Block of South Russell.
  • Med call MTD 1020 Chapala.
  • 417pc Brandishing a gun 600 Block of East Cabrillo.
  • Code 40 Refusing to leave 7-11  331 West Montecito.
  • 242pc Victim shoved into a bush slight hand injury Medics showed up at a residence in the 200 Block of West Micheltorena, suspect found in front of Ralphs 100 Block of West Carrillo.
  • Fall victim City lot 11 behind the Faulding Hotel code 2 Medics.
  • Harbor Patrol reported a Subject coming in on the Double Dolphin after falling into the ocean from a Kayak possibly suffering from hypothermia Medics were requested but canceled by the kayaker who felt ok.
  • Small Vegetarian fire a 3td of an acre in the 1800 Block of Island View Drive in Santa Ynez grew into 45 acres before it was put out.
  • Code 40 Drunk guy trying to drive away in a black GMC truck parked in the basement of Ralphs 100 West Carrillo.
  • Fall victim  near the Miramar head injury.
  • 400 Block of East Cota Med call.
  • Drunk Driver at Hollister and Patterson.
  • 415pc Live Band 500 Block of State street.
  • Medical call 1300 Block of Crestline Fall victim.
  • Tunnel at School vehicle vs Motorcyclist.
  • Loud Potty 1100 Block of Indio Muerto.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject down on the sidewalk 401 West Montecito.
  • Prowler 200 Block of South Voluntario.


Scanner Reports, Sunday:

  • Stand Off on the Mesa 415 Domestic Area of Barranca and Del Mar overnight ADW att. 187pc.
  • Med call Super 8 Motel Hollister and Fairview.
  • Medical Aide with PD Response possible suicide attempt 300 Block of State street.
  • 23103 Reckless white Honda accord almost TCed on freeway several times got off at Carrillo heading West toward Carrillo hill.
  • Med call 1600 Block of Bath street.
  • 3 Vehicle accident 1000 Block of East Bettervia.
  • Vehicle accident 2900 Block of Rancho Tepusquet Road Santa Maria.
  • Medical Emergency Santa Barbara Cemetery Channel Drive, patient passed away Rest in Peace.-
  • Small grass Fire reported out 4400 Block of Second Street.
  • Vehicle rollover 4800 Block mm 166 White Toyota Tundra
  • 3 Subjects in a silver SUV driving around periodically stopping to poop and pee on the East Side.
  • Units on a Subject on the 100 Block of Garden for an arrest and Animal control for 2 Dogs, sad for the dogs.
  • Med call 2200 Block of DLV.- Medical call for a subject in a wheelchair 5600 Block of Calle Real.
  • 20002 Non injury hit and run RV hit 2 vehicles in the 5300 Block of Hollister.
  • Traffic Collision 1400 Block of South Broadway in Santa Maria.
  • Med Call 2700 Block of Cuesta Road.
  • Smoker on the Run North on State street from the 600 Block.
  • 5150pc Transport Santa Ynez to Cottage Hospital.


A little Info on Facebook in the group Santa Barbara Swap Everything is a video of a prowler on a porch in the Lincolnwood/ Hope Ave Neighborhood of Santa Barbara, he looks Homeless but I doubt he is he has his burglar uniform on though. Check it out if you get a chance pretty clear picture. Anyway Have a great MONday-MONday. Peter, Molly, Belinda, Midnight, Merlin, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Lola, PoPo, Tom Cat, Tomicina, Tiger, Clancy, Shadow, FREDDIE!, Maxwell, Liza, Zoey, Tiny, Andy, FISH HEADS ONE AND TWO, Poncho, Denny, Zeke, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Ross, Rambo, Sherry, Eddie, Bambi, Pat, Mavis, Lafayette, Ted, Mark, Willie, Mrs. MacArthur, Auntie Helen, Ricky, Bengie, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Roger, Father Zimmerman, Joseph, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Kona, Crazy Ed,, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY!, STOBE THE HOBO, KFC, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, John Havlick, Little Mac, Lucky, John Prime, Tom Petty, Rich Mullins, Charley Bukowski, Bill, John, Marianne, and Chris willing we will see you on HUMPY DAY. Later,  Roger



Written by Roger

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