Scanner Reports 5-22-19

by Roger the Scanner Guy,

I love the Habit’s Double-Doubles without cheese and SMOTHERED with grilled onions! And piles of french fries with Ketchup (lots of Ketchup.) Onion rings (the best onion rings) come from a place called Oliver’s in Calumet City, Illinois. The best pizza comes from John’s also in Calumet City. I settle for Little Caesars because I’m poor and I choose not to sit on my ass and beg for money. But if I did sit on my fat ass and beg for money my ass would be fatter because I’d eat at the best places every day. Panhandlers make bank I have seen it with my own eyes. I saw it just the other day outside my favorite bakery when this Bum with a capital “B” and that spells BUM! pulled out a wad of cash and counted away. They were not all one dollar bills. There were a couple of tens, a couple of fives, maybe even something higher. People who work hard are generous.

I have panhandled before like maybe a half dozen times in my life. One time was when I was really drunk by the library and ran into a dreaded Ex who saved my life later on. I panhandled to piss her off I didn’t have to do it. I had $600 in my pocket. I worked at the time. I was just being an idiot. One time in Chicago, downtown, a man gave me $5. That was in 1974 and more than I needed. I stopped with the five bucks. One time next to Safeway in Downtown Santa Barbara, back in 1980, a man gave me $3 and a pack of smokes he found. That was all I needed. I bought meat and hit the dumpster for vegetables. When I was on the road hitchhiking as a kid I never asked for anything. It was usually offered. The most I ever got was 50 bucks, dinner, a carton of smokes, and a room at Howard Johnson’s. An FBI Agent paid for all that. He wanted me to go home. By paying for a room he got me off the streets and gave me time to think. He blew his cover to save my butt from a bunch of guys he was following that pulled over to pick me up. He told me they would have killed me “Just for fun.” Though I did not believe it at the time, I do now.

A lot of police officers helped me when I was “On the Road.” I guess it’s one of the reasons I changed my ways at a certain point and ended up becoming “Roger.” Panhandlers make bank and panhandling laws don’t stick, so these guys could sit all day begging for money and there is nothing that can be done. The ACLU calls it “Free Speech,” which is part of their little game when they sue cities that enforce laws against BUM’s. Homeless people are different from Bums though. The ACLU call BUMs Homeless. They also call Sex Offenders mentally ill. I call them Criminals. Sue me. Though there is nothing you can do about panhandlers, there are laws protecting you and your property from CRIMINALS. If a panhandler trespasses on your property to beg, you can call the police and have them ran off or sign a complaint and have them arrested. If they camp on your property and it is private property not public, they are trespassing or illegally camping because it is private property. If they threaten you it’s called criminal threats 422pc and it’s against the law to threaten people. If they go to the bathroom it’s 374pc and you can sign a complaint. I would suggest for business owners the Authority Letter which gives Police permission to enter your property and enforce the law when your business is closed. GOOGLE SBPD and Authority letter. Don’t get mad. They explain it a lot better than Old FART Roger…I’m NOT a lawyer, Satan forbid, but I know a little and there are LAWS that protect you from criminals that choose to violate you. Use the Law. You’re a Taxpayer. They are there for all of us. I have compassion for those who are homeless. I have been there myself and I know what it’s like to be lost. Some homeless people beg but they are not aggressive. They leave when they are asked to. There is a difference. It breaks my heart to see someone who is homeless getting a hard time from someone who does not understand what it is like to be lost. That is how I feel about that. I was not born in Santa Barbara or California for that matter. I was born in America so don’t tell me to go home because I’m already Home. Here are your Scanner Reports.

Scanner Reports, Monday:

  • A traffic stop early in the mornin 400 Block of West Mission suspended license with service needed on a Toyota Corolla
  • Premises check on the Wharf, Stearns Wharf that is That is a foot patrol I would not mind
  • Premises check 600 Block of State street
  • 415 Transient refusing to leave the Dumpster Area of REI in the 300 Block of Anacapa. I bet you can score some good stuff there Dumpster Diving is fun
  • Transient wearing grey PJ Bottoms refusing to leave Starbucks in the 1200 Block of State street. Getting so comfortable out there people are sleeping in their PJ’S
  • Open 911 line in the 900 Block of San Pascual
  • AC 3, Animal Control 3 on a premises check at East Side Park
  • Leaf Blower at Mission and Chapala
  • Premises check Dwight Murphy Park.
  • Juvenile problem 500 Block of East Ortega
  • 400 Block of East Ortega 2 juveniles pulled 2 Hammers out of a planter and walked away with the hammers potential weapons or maybe for Shop Class
  • Illegal Camper 400 Block of Chapala street
  • Agressive A.H. Panhandlers 200 Block of South Milpas street. The poor woman who asked them to leave was almost in tears.
  • Med Call I heard what I thought to be a med call go out to 222 North Milpas I missed what it was for but heard the dispatcher say This is the same guy who swallowed a cigarette earlier. I swallowed a marijuana cigarette once but I did not call 911.
  • Vehicle vs motorcycle Rancheria at Montecito streets injuries.
  • 4000 Block of South Blosser overdose.
  • Trash Fire near the Brew House in the 200 Block of West Montecito.
  • Sun burned male walking on the railroad tracks in the 3900 Block of Modoc check the welfare police caught up to him at the bus stop said he was crimson colored and he was ok…314pc Couple male/female at Goleta Beach indecent exposure.
  • Med call for a female down with purple hands and feet she got up before responders got there refusing medical treatment and later on there was a check the welfare call on her last seen walking southbound from the 1600 Block of Castillo, on Castillo I hope she is OK


Tuesday Scanner Reports

  • Vehicle into a Building 2100 Block of Oak Park Lane it actually crashed into a friends kitchen she is mad at me for not posting it when I heard it but I was in the bathroom and it was non injury. There are somethings I will get off my throne for some I don’t what can I say?
  • Fall Victim head Injury Via Caridad 4200 Block of Calle Real.
  • Heard there were 2 small fires  on the wharf possibly caused by a cigarette when the wharf burns down it will not be open again for a long time do not smoke on the wharf especially on windy days.
  • Assault victim SMPD on scene 100 Block of West Morrison.
  • 415pc MOTHER La Cumbre Junior High 2200 Block of Modoc, Mother is Disturbing.
  • 911 Hang Up 2400 Block of Castillo.
  • Check the Welfare of a depressed female in the 1200 Block of Garden street
  • Vegetation Fire Sudden Ranch, Vandenberg 2 acres low rate of spread
  • A transient was disturbing guests at the Sand Paper Lodge 3505 State street early in the morning by the vending machines he told them he was an Officer Dumb Bass.
  • Vandalism at La Mesa Park on Meggs Road
  • PD needed on a Med Call in the 300 Block of West Cota unknown type of medical
  • Gang Graffiti at McKinley School
  • Suicidal subject in the 500 Block of East Guiterrez
  • Premises check on Oak Avenue
  • Suspicious vehicle been parked in the same place for 2 weeks a black SUV in the 200 Block of North La Cumbre Lane sounds like a modern version of “The Car”
  • Injury traffic Accident Los Olivos at Anacapa
  • Premises check Mc Kenzie Park
  • 415 Female harassing a male at Toyota of Santa Barbara in the 5600 Block of Hollister.
  • Head On crash in front of Cate H.S. In the 1900 Block of Cate Mesa Road sounded like maybe there was an injury but the patient refused medical treatment
  • 200 Block of La Marina Drive someone called in and stated that they thought a White Male with a black trash bag might have stolen their cat. I  hope not
  • Structure Fire 900 Block of Donald Way in Santa Maria.
  • 415 Domestic 2100 Block of Cliff Drive report of a female laying on the ground crying a male came out and dragged her back in the house I guess he did not want people to know he is an abuser SBPD responded not sure what happened but I hope he got arrested.


Will that is all outta me for now Have a Wonderful WEDnesday…Peter, Molly, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Tom Cat, Clancy, Tiger, Thomicina, Shadow, FREDDIE, Maxwell, Midnight, Merlin, Lola, PoPo, Tiny, Andy, Fish Heads, One, and Two, Poncho, Denny Deem, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J. Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Rambo, Sherry, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie,  David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Eddie, Bambi, Bengi, Ricky, Mark, Willie, Mrs MacArthur,, Lafayette, Ted,  Pat, Mavis, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Crazy Ed, Isabelle, Jerry, Debbie, Ken, LUCY! STOBE THE HOBO, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, John Havlick, Tom Petty, and Chris  willing we will see you on FRYday.  Later,  Roger


Written by Roger

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  1. When Barney had a column in the News-Press he interviewed some homeless hanging around in De la Guerra Plaza. One panhandler said he made at least something like a $1,000 a week. Barney printed his story and the IRS went after the guy.

  2. Thank you, Roger, for helping with explaining our laws that protect us. Clearly, we all can participate in helping Santa Barbara not go down the drain. Call police. Sign a Complaint. Don’t turn the other way when you see wrongdoing. We’ve all learned that ignoring problems just makes them worse. You’re a champ for helping out, Roger. Everyone, copy Roger’s comments about the laws involved and how you and your friends can empower yourselves. Send copies to all your friends and neighbors. NOW is the time!

  3. There used to be an old scruffy dirty looking, regular beggar that would sit on the bench outside the Starbuck’s on State & De La Guerra, and beg for money. Then, I’d see him inside with his coffee and laptop computer! THEN, one day, I saw him all-cleaned-up and shopping at Costco in Goleta !!!! Just another reason, why I won’t give those beggars my hard-earned money !!! The only homeless-looking guy I’ve given money to, is the really tall skinny wild hair guy, that picks up little pieces of trash, and looks for recycling. He doesn’t beg, but sometimes I will toss a dollar near him….. he thanks me in his own way, and I thank him for picking up trash…..

  4. That is the guy I was talking about the other day lives on the streets never bothers no one the guy you toss a buck to. He is from Santa Barbara also..Thanks for the tips on fires it’s very educational@8:50am..The Midwest has had those problems for years gangs hide out in the country too..And Thank You @8:12am We must all get involved we cannot expect the Police to do it alone if we want to clean up our town we must do it as a team despite our differences.

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