Scanner Reports 5-1-20

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Everything Hurts. Everything is awkward if this walker breaks I’m fucked and not the good way. As you all know my chair broke, I fell AGAIN. It took a while to get up, the chair is destroyed, they usually are not the first time. Did not sleep well at all between the back, neck, arm pain, and my itchy face from shaving. I laid awake a good deal of the night hoping I grow a little older but unsure that will happen. This morning my sandwich showed up, it was Turkey. I opened the container my sandwich fell out and landed on the floor. Typical Shitty Day. Sometimes I just wish a Korean warhead would misfire up my ass and explode.

There are a lot of Drunk and DUI Drivers out there but they have always been out there maybe a little more so now. They show us their unique driving skills by hitting parked vehicles, power poles, and running down people on bicycles or walking. In my life I have been hit 9 times by vehicles it wasn’t fun. Several times it was my fault, a couple of times I just fall on the floor it’s safer hurts pretty bad. Joey with his nip, me with my weed sitting here forever looking out the window of our Nude World ODOR, Having to wear a mask to go everywhere. Anyway, let’s get this show on the road…


Scanner Reports, Wednesday:

  • Female panhandler at Ralph’s 100 Block of West Carrillo, I bet they are getting alot of  money now.
  • Suspicous male at Carls Junior on Carp Ave in Carpinteria 4600 Block.
  • Overdose at Rancho Oso.
  • Medical call at PATH 816 Cacique.
  • Some guy ripped off a bunch of deli sandwiches at Cottage Hospital 320 West Pueblo BMA 5’9 Wearing shorts camo color.
  • South of the 500 Block of Barker Pass Road Electrical issues wires down.
  • Son is destroying the home and attempting to assault his father 200 Block of Vista De La cumbre.
  • Wires down 1800 Block of Bath street.
  • 3100 Block of Drum Canyon Road vegetarian fire.
  • Indecent exposure subject walking South on Milpas from DLG with his panties halfway down, HMA.
  • Drunk male on Stearns Wharf yelling at a male and his dog.
  • Medical call in front of the Faulding Hotel 15 East Haley.
  • Drunk hit and run driver arrested at his home in the 300 Block of East Yanonali.
  • Check the welfare of an elderly male down Clifford at Phlinda.
  • 314pc 3000 Block of Trader Joes Indecent Exposure subject known by victim.
  • A bald male in his 40’s wearing lite green panties ripped off alcohol from Albertsons in the 7100 Block of Hollister.
  • Shoplifting at Rite Aide 825 State.
  • Strongarm mask sales door to door on Pedregosa near Bath guy selling masks door to door threatened to assault subject who called the police on him. Sounds like a great sales pitch to me WMA Driving a black Tacoma last seen North on Bath street.
  • State and Anapamu BMA climbs a light pole to steal an electrical box.
  • Drunk driver into a power Pole.
  • Check the welfare of a 20 year old female drinking alcohol with an older male in an apartment in the 500 Block of Bath street.


Scanner Reports, Thursday:

  • Man selling food from a cart in the 300 Block of West Valerio.
  • Check the welfare of a subject  kneeling on the overpass 2300 Block of Los Positas.
  • Small vegetarian fire 1200 Block of Highway 246 in Buellton.
  • Fried communication line 3700 Block of Brenner.
  • Fire alarms no fire 2600 Block of DLV.
  • Public assist 100 Block of South Kellog.
  • Premises check Leadbetter parking lot.
  • Trespassing 300 Block of North Milpas.
  • Medical call Evelyn Court in S.M.
  • Med call 200 Block of Oceano.
  • Jaywalker 1400 Block of Chapala.
  • Subject freaking out after quitting marijuana withdrawals? I never had em myself been smoking for 65 years 5200 Block of Hollister.
  • Subject trying to get into an abandoned boarded up building Gavoita or near Mariposa Reina.
  • Subject refusing to leave a residence in the 2900 Block of Holly.
  • SBPD Attempt to locate a subject in the 500 Block of West Sola.
  • Med call 500 Block of West Anapamu.
  • Med call 3400 Block of Richland Drive
  • Premises checks Cacique and Milpas UNDERPANTS.
  • Knee injury 1400 Block of South Broadway.
  • Smoke investigation no fire Pedregosa at Grand Ave.
  • Check the welfare of an elderly female in Waller Park section 6 possibly having a breakdown. She is with her Husband but it does not look like he can handle things.


Just heard someone shoved the manager at Circle K then heard some yelling, hobbled out there like the hunch back of Notre Dame and did not see anything oh well/ Have a good weekend I will try to do the same…Peter, Molly, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Midnight, Merlin, Lola, PoPo,Shadow, FREDDIE!, Maxwell, Liza, Zoey, Tom Cat, Tomicina, Clancy, Tiger,  Tiny Andy, FISH HEADS ONE AND TWO, Poncho, Denny, Zeke, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO,Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Ross, Rambo, Sherry, Eddie, Bambi, Ricky, Bengie, Mark, Willie, Mrs. MacArthur, Auntie Helen, Pat, Mavis, David Cox, Po, Cop John, Marty, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Roger, Father Zimmerman, Joseph, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Crazy Ed, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY! STOBE THE HOBO, KFC, Mickey Mantle, John Hancock, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, John Havlick, Little Mac, Tom Petty, John Prime, Marianne, and Chris willing we will pee you on MONday-MONday..Later,  Roger..



Written by Roger

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