Scanner Reports 4-8-19

By Roger the Scanner Guy

That SUNday 4:30am  SBPD alarm is still going off in my head. The Sirens of Armageddon, heading off to that store in the 200 Block of North Milpas the one that kills old Folks by leaving cases of produce in the aisles, if they live through being splattered on the floor there’s bruises, contusions, fractures, they are told they suffer from preexisting conditions and treated like a 2nd class citizen. I’m waiting for Sprouts to open then I will never go to that other place again, it’s too far to walk anyway. I cannot wait for Sprouts to open, hopefully, I won’t get taken out in the Roundabout before it opens by some young slug. Seems like older folks are treated like crap all over the place nowadays unless of course, they have money then they are treated well to their faces anyway.

I have been hearing Elder Abuse cases lately. I heard one the other day where the caregiver left his patient alone in his residence over on Chapala street, the patient could not do much for themself but at least they could dial 911 on the phone. When I was younger and stronger smelling I worked in a nursing home for 20 minutes knocked the hell out of another aide I caught physically spanking an older woman. Those places are nightmares, a nightmare where most of our lives will end something to look forward to. One day I was limping down the street and this young man stops his work truck to let me cross he leans out  the window and says “I don’t feel sorry for you.” “Then Why did you stop?” I asked. I’d like to get me one of those Bozo punching bags the kind with sand in the bottom and punch the crap out of it, it would make me feel better with my Pre Existing conditions and all, Some Bozo’s really have it coming. There is a new one out there now, looks like a young Charles Mansion wears a red hoodie gets in your face and screams, yells too. He has your eyes, in his pocket. Maybe he is Old Charley reincarnated. I have had 2 run-ins with him thus far. I’m sure there will be more with his cute little Red Hoodie on I will call him Little Red Riding Hood because he acts like one. 

So what are these guys doing gathering signatures at the grocery stores lately? Something about Zoning, I would not sign seems like every store they set up at have been calling the LAW on them for trespassing maybe they should go elsewhere. SUNday Morning the responders were busy first the store 200 Block of North Milpas sounded like an Assault but not sure did not hear the call first the Sirens woke me up. I was having a nice dream too I was with some beautiful women on the beach in the Bahamas, if it was here I probably would have stepped on a hypodermic needle on the sand and that would have woke me up, there are all kind of things in the sand around here now. So that was that, then some Medical calls. Unresponsive 19-year-old female from alcohol, then there was an overdose of alcohol and meth on the East Side more sirens. I bet the new neighbor is wondering if this goes on all the time down here? Anyway, It is What it is. Same Old calls from one year to the next and over a lifetime there will always be criminals committing the same offenses. Folks overdosing on alcohol and drugs and judgemental ass hats who hate everyone but those like them. That’s my MILPAS UNDERPANTS and I’m Sticking to them! Here are your Scanner Reports.

Scanner Reports, Friday:

  • Premises check Dwight Murphy.
  • Camper in a vehicle Islay at Villa.
  • Chase Palm Park Premises check.
  • Monkey Spanker in the Bushes of the Holiday Inn 17 West Haley.
  • Premises check Los Patos and the tracks.
  • Highway 154 at Rancho Alegra med call unknown type.
  • 415 Domestic  BoyFIEND broke laptop 500 Block of East Victoria, has a knife in his back pack.
  • SBPD on a subject 200 Block of West Montecito.
  • Cover van one on a subject 1130 State street.
  • Med Call 1800 Block of Bath street.
  • Dog Bite 600 Block of Glen Wood.
  • Vehicle crashed into a garage driver unconscious 1200 Block of Lavender Court.
  • Chopping cart into a vehicle 200 Block of West Carrillo.
  • Pacific High School 600 Block of Gonzales Assault 242.
  • Minor injury accident Garden street Underpass 300 Block of Garden street.
  • Transient disturbing 36 South Calle Caesar Chavez.
  • Jumper off the Cold Springs Bridge Rest in Peace.
  • Med Call El Paseo 800 Block of Anacapa street.
  • 242pc Assault McDonalds 1213 State street.
  • BOLO Suicidal female driving from Solvang to Santa Barbara says she wants to jump off a bridge.
  • Med Call injured person on Lockwood Valley Road.
  • Suspicious Subject in the 3900 Block of State street possible 484 suspect from Big 5, Per Security on scene now near Starbucks.
  • Possible 23152 Driver white SUV from the 800 Block of Chapala Paseo Nuevo Parking lot Northbound.
  • Suicide Attempt by slamming head against wood 700 Block of Mercury.
  • Stolen vehicle in IV Goleta area gold Mercedes.


Saturday Scanner Reports

  • Non injury vehicle accident with fluids leaking on the ground so engine 4 responded for Hazardous cleanup.
  • Keep the Peace 300 Block of East Victoria.
  • Hope Ave at LaRada vehicle fire reported out.
  • Sucidal subject on East Foster.
  • Transient under a blanket refusing to leave City lot 9, 1200 Block of Anacapa
  • Chase Palm Park Extention premises check.
  • Suicidal subject on East Foster.
  • First Block Loma Media 415, 242 Assault of tenant by Land Lord, female tenant locked herself in a room.
  • 23152 Drunk Driver green truck North Ridge at Foothill excessive speed, unable to maintain lanes being followed registered to the 200 Block of South Canada.
  • Premises check Vera Cruz Park.
  • Check the Welfare suicidal subject 1000 Block of East Mason.
  • Dirt Biker Down Cat Canyon Castillo Ranch.
  • Premises check Oak Park.
  • Med call for a leg injury 1500 Block of State street.
  • Overdose 6500 Block of Trigo.
  • Another Keep the Peace call 300 Block of East Victoria.
  • Haley at Milpas non injury accident.
  • 400 Block of East Anapamu 20002 Non injury hit and run.
  • Highway 166 at Rock Front Ranch Head on traffic accident 2 Dead, Rest in Peace, 2 Serious injuries.
  • 20001 Felony hit and run State street at Haley suspect vehicle a black convertible with Oregon Plates Unknown what type of accident.
  • Overdose on Alcohol 6600 Block of Del Playa.
  • Med Call unknown type Harbor West Leadbetter Beach.
  • Unknown medical Camino Del Sur at Trigo.
  • Overdose on Alcohol rear of the County Jail.
  • 2 Males gathering signatures refusing to leave Trader Joes 3025 DLV. Later in the day a female also gathering signatures was refusing to leave the Grocery Outlet in the 2800 Block of DLV.
  • Homeless encampment highway 101 Northbound at Carrillo.
  • 415 Fight 2 subjects mutual combat 2 fighting 10 watching 100 Block of Santa Barbara street.
  • Suicidal subject at PATH 816 Cacique.
  • Unresponsive code 40, Drunk in the planter 30 West Anapamu.
  • 245 Assault with a weapon at the Santa Cruz market 324 West Montecito.
  • Vandalism bottle thrown through a vehicle window Haley at Milpas


Scanner Reports, Sunday:

  • 4:30am WAKE UP CALL! 200 Block of North Milpas 415 Disturbance unknown type.
  • 211 East Haley Loves Towing someone kicked in the door then left East on Haley.
  • Alcohol and Meth overdose 1100 Block of Punta Gorda.
  • Unresponsive 19 Year Old female possible Alcohol Overdose on East Sola.
  • Med call on Por La Mar.
  • Crime Scene Investigation 211 E. Haley.
  • First Block of East Ortega subject asleep on the sidewalk.
  • Camper, or Campers 200 Block of East Haley.
  • Med call hand laceration and seizures PATH 816 Cacique.
  • Dog in Distress in a gold Toyota SUV in the 3900 Block of State street in front of the Sleep Store.
  • 415 Unknown type on Ocean View in a residence.
  • Heard this but did not hear where…242 With a base ball bat in a Riverbed sounded like Santa Barbara County just did not hear where.
  • 400 Block of West Orange vehicle rollover 3 patients.
  • Vehicle vs Bicyclist Calle Caesar Chavez at Cabrillo.
  • Grey at Clark a female jumped in front of a truck in Santa Maria got hit police were on scene.
  • 1501 San Andres near FoodLand 211 Strong Arm Robbery suspects were 2 HMA’s taken was 400.00 in Cash.
  • 415 Investigation 600 Block of DLV.
  • Med Call Samarkland fall victim.
  • Assault 242pc occurred on Saturday in IV report taken Sunday at the Foot Patrol office in IV.
  • 415 Family 1100 Block of East Cota.
  • 1200 Block of Laguna 415 Domestic yelling child crying.
  • 415 Unknown type 2100 Block of DLV.
  • Alert 2 at the airport Emergency landing 2 souls on board runway 25 all was well plane landed fine.


Well Have a Wonderful MONday-MONday….Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Tom Cat, Clancy, Tiger, Thomicina, Mazwell, Shadow, FREDDIE!, Midnight, Merlin, Lola, PoPo, Tiny, Andy, Fish Head One, and Two, Poncho, Jerry,Denny Deem, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Rambo, Sherry, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Eddie, Bambi, Pat, Mavis, Bengie, Ricky, Lafayette, Ted,, Willie, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Crazy Ed, LUCY! STOBE THE HOBO, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Tom Petty, and Chris Willing we will pee you on WEDnesday.  Later,  Roger


Written by Roger

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  1. I haven’t been to the beach for sometime but I did not go barefoot in the water surf shoes were good just don’t walk anywhere else with those on and wet or you will fly, I did. Then I fell into the Castillo Underpants flood water back in 1995 or so got poison oak swam in it anyway… I have heard of needles on the beach before I have seen broken glass in the surf..Be Careful……@FLICKA Maybe they don’t like the petition signing subject…Thanks for being patient with old farts.

  2. I was behind an older lady in Sprouts Goleta one day – taking a very long time to pay for her groceries and put her wallet away and get going. All I could think was “if I’m lucky, I’ll still be buying my own groceries when I’m 80, and I hope people are patient with me!”

  3. LETMEGO, I have a friend 103 years old who lives alone and is still driving to the store for her groceries, doesn’t take a long time paying either. She also drives to church to sing in the choir. Just eat healthy and exercise and you may be doing the same.

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