Scanner Reports 3-9-18

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Today kiddies, we are going on a Field Trip to County Jail. This is a very special class, only those who have warrants out for their arrest can go. Don’t worry, transportation will be provided by the SBPD Van One and our Driver Officer Craig.

All Morning I have been listening to teams of Police Officers responding to anonymous locations to pick up people with warrants. I’m not sure how many subjects have been caught at least a few. I always cringe when I hear these calls, PTSD from my Drinking Days I guess. When I hear these calls I look for escape routes out of my house, in front of me is a window. I am almost 60 years old and fat I have no doubt if I tried to escape out my window I’d get stuck and the Fire Department would have to be called to rescue me. Even so if I was successful I’d have to find another way out of the yard before my little house was surrounded. I’d escape straight through the backyard passed Belinda’s old house and try to climb over the chain link fence into the neighbor’s property where there is a tree trimming service. I doubt very much they would think to look for me inside a wood chipper. There is also a deck in the back I could climb under it, or there is the Hobo Jungle over the back fence, they would NEVER find me back there it hasn’t been cleared out since WoJo was a Patrolman. There are things back there from the last century, probably antiques someone could make some money off that crap over the back fence probably find some of that too. I would not have to climb over on the Cacique street side as there are holes in the fence on that side.

Having a Warrant sucks because people don’t always know they have one, or two, or three. I did some damage on one of my drunken escapades once, charges were not pressed till later. I was couch surfing when my Warrants came out. Until I got my own place and got drunk and SHOPlifted like the stupid Drunken Jackass I was. I had no idea I had warrants but I did and off to jai, I went to my Field Trip. They did not read me my Miranda and I got out of some things but still had to pay for the property damage I did when drunk. It was my last arrest as I really don’t like jail but I felt like Al Capone when our former D.A. McKinley called me “A High Profile Santa Barbara Drunk.” I had finally arrived. I was someone now, all the years I worked hard for this I would finally accept my Oscar at the Academy Awards and Thank the District Attorneys Office, as well as certain Santa Barbara Police Officers, a couple Ex Girl Friends who shoved me out the door and over the edge to finally get out there and become a High Profile Santa Barbara Drunk and last but not least my Limo Driver Craig who always told me “Watch you Head Waffle Fac.” while opening the door to the Limo.

I’m glad I don’t have to look over my shoulder anymore, actually I can’t I have arthritis. I’m glad I don’t have to try and hobble away when I see a police car driving down the street find a bush to crawl into. One time years ago I was walking down the street with a beer in my hand a cop passed by. I thought he had seen me so I ran around a corner and into a wall breaking my foot, a High Profile not so Smart Drunk I was.

/The other night I was getting ready for bed not much to check when you live in a little house. Made sure the door was locked, everything was out Joey next to me his head in the dry food bowl crunching his grub looking up I forgot that my “Jason” mask was on the coat rack scared the crap out of me I thought I had left the door open and someone was standing there wearing a Jason Hockey Mask…I had to get up and check went back to beddy bye till around 3am when a code 3 (lights and siren) copper woke me up instead of getting up and turning on my scanner I went back to sleep heard later it was a Failure to Yield. Off to County Jail in the Black and White Taxi Service.

Here are your scanner reports, Wednesday:

• Medical call 300 Block of South Salinas.
• Check the Welfare of a male yelling for help First Block of South Nopal he was on 700 Lawrence code 2 Medical call
• White Semi 23103 Reckless got off at highway 101 Carrillo off ramp pulled over by SBPD in the 1000 Block of State street.
• Smoke investigation near the Airport most likely the controlled burn on La Patera.
• Hope at Calle Real possible H&S Drug sales between 2 Subjects SBPD responded.
• 245pc Investigation at the police station weapon used a Silver Mercedes was parked in the stations parking lot, 245 Assault with a weapon in this case a car.
• Assault at the Laborline 400 Block of East Yanonali.
• Medical call at the Califorian 2225 DLV.
• UNknown if injury traffic accident in the 300 Block of West Micheltorena.
• Medical call broken ankle 610 State street.
• SBSO Smoke investigation in the area of 200 Block of Cravens Lane in Carpinteria.
• 211 Silent alarm NO ROBBERY, 200 Block of Nogales.
• Illegal Dumping involving a white truck and 2 females 2800 Block of State street.
• Female 5150 yelling in the street 400 Block of East Yanonali.
• 242 At Hendrys involving a conflict over a dog.
• 459 Burglary investigation 2800 Block of State street.
• 23103 Reckless driver in a silver Mercedes Hope at Calle Real.
• 242 Assault reported West Campus SBCC 700 Block of Cliff Drive.
• Check the Welfare of a male with open sores in a wheelchair near Home Depot at Market Place in Goleta.
• Purse stolen from a customer in Starbucks in the 3800  Block of State street, purse theft investigation not sure if the victim got the purse back or what she went after the crooks.

Scanner Reports, Thursday:

• Vehicle Fire Ward at Hollister.
• 314pc Indecent exposure corner State and Cota suspect black male with a blue hoodie and grey shorts. I don’t think these indecent exposure calls are always on the up and up. I don’t know about this case but sometimes I think people call and report on people who do not look good to them there is a guy on DLV near Trader Joes who wears Saggy pants someone calls on him all the time. I heard one once an overweight man with no shirt on East Beach. If spandex did not irritate me so much I’d be tempted to take a walk on the beach.
• Area Check in the 1100 Block of Hill street for a Homeless camp on private property.
• High School Student Under the Influence  of Drugs at Santa Ynez High School.
• CARES Evaluate on a resident of Garden Court on DLV.
• 2000 Block of Sherwood 242 Assault punch to the back.
• Trespasser in CostCo’s Food Court in Market Place.
• Someone called “911” and Hung Up in the 100 Block of East Haley.
• Suspicious circumstances in the 800 Block of East Anapamu.
• Student Under the Influence on Jupiter, in Santa Maria.
• Premise check SBPD Rail Road Tracks 200 Block of West Montecito.
• 20002 Non injury hit and run investigation in the city of Santa Barbara Police Station.
• 415pc Homeless males disturbing State street at Haley.
• Medical call for an unconscious male at Cantwells.
• Hit and Run with injury San Pascual and Canon Perdido.
• Medical call for a Traumatic injury at the Biltmore.
• Medical call unknown type 800 Block of Camino Del Sur in I.V.
• Report of Students fighting in Granny Field.
• Check the Welfare of someone on Ellwood Beach hearing voices.
• UNknown medical subject down in the parking lot 1000 Block of Casitas Pass, at CVS Pharmacy.
• 647F Drunk subject at work being violent 400 Block of Highway 246.
• Violation of a restraining order 900 Block of San Pascual.

Found myself taking to the Jason Mask this morning, I was talking to myself but looking at Jason hanging there on my coat rack. It’s nice to have a friend to talk to. One that don’t talk back of course…. Will that is all outta me for now Have a Lovely Weekend….Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Clancy, Thomsina, Midnight, Merlin, Fish Head One, Poncho Jerry, Jonathan, C.J., Walter, Fred, Brad, Billy, Carl, Kent, Stan, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Sherry, Rambo, Bommy, Poppy, David Cox, Poe, Bengy, Ricky, Marty, Cop John,  Magruder, Don, Pat, Edwin, Cory, Isabelle, Jerry, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Tom Petty and Chris Willing we will see you on MONday-MONday.  Later, Roger