Scanner Reports 12-4-19

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Ha,ha, Holiday Insanity. “A lot of Anger and Rage floating around these Farts Stranger…” As I was making my way through Thy Blessed Milpas UNDERPANTS on Monday, I noticed what looked like a man who had fallen from his bicycle as the bicycle was on the ground and he was spread out across the sidewalk. As I got closer I realized he wasn’t a man at all just some Drunkin POS who was stretched out almost all the way across the sidewalk leaving very little room for anyone to get by. He was not passed out just laying there. I looked down at him and he growled at me “Don’t FUCK with me.” I laughed in his ugly little face but I felt like accidentally running over his head with my walker 30 or 40 times it would have been an improvement. What really got my goat is he had a Michael McDonald style hair cut and Michael McDonald is a nice guy. There should be a law that mean people should not be allowed to have a Michael McDonald style haircut, maybe I’ll make it a law.

A couple hours later I heard a call of a subject with the same description in front of PATH feeling suicidal. Maybe it’s mean but I thought to myself  ut loud “Maybe he should have laid on the street he was near the curve no one would have been able to see him in time, if he was REALLY Suicidal, he could have stretched out there instead of stretching out across the sidewalk making it hard for some ugly old fat guy that looks like Santa Claus pushing a walker to get by and then trying to start a fight with him, ME!” Oh well. I recently heard a call about a guy who went into a business here in Santa Barbara and challenged a man to fight to the death for no reason at all udder than the aggressor thought the man was laughing at him. I guess this kind of crap goes on a lot around here as I hear a lot of Challenging fight calls mostly involving males who think they are men but are really bullies. It is too bad they cannot seem to figure out for themselves that part of them never grew up I’m sure there are other parts just as noticeable. Dat is my MILPAS UNDIEPANTS AND I’M STICKING TO THEM. Here are your Scanner Roni Reports:

Scanner Reports, Monday:

  • Premises check Alameda Park East.
  • 242pc Male shoved a female to the ground in front of Alpha Thrift Store 700 North Milpas Street.
  • Medical Rescue at the Gaviota Wind Caves for a patient with a broken foot and laceration.
  • Smoking Appliance in the 800 Block of Chapala street Full SB City Fire Department Response.
  • Premises check Rail Road Tracks at Victoria street.
  • SBPD on 2 subjects 1100 Block of Walnut Track Side, one was taken into custody not sure why maybe he had a warrant.
  • Med call 1800 Block of Sycamore Canyon Road.
  • 400 Block of North Soledad Med call for a Fall Victim.
  • Wanted Subject with Warrants spotted 402 West Mission had warrants for H&S.
  • 314pc Indecent Exposure a 60 Year old male in a sleeping bag exposed himself to a female at 100 East Sola Southeast Side of the park, BARF.
  • Med call 1000 Block of East DLG.
  • Marian Helipad Gunshot Victim transport did not know it at the time but the transport was to Cottage Hospital.
  • Med call 20 South Calle Caesar Chavez.
  • SBPD officer on Several Subjects trespassing on the Rail Road Tracks between Milpas and Calle Caesar Chavez. He ran them all for Wants and Warrants.
  • Code 40 Drunk Down 400 Block of North Milpas street.
  • Gun Shot victim Lompoc Airport transport to Cottage Hospital Copter 308 Transport.
  • A suicidal subject in front of PATH 816 Cacique.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject living in the 200 Block of West Victoria.
  • Group of Drunks harassing customers at Carls Junior.
  • 400 Block of West Mountain med call.
  • Med Call PATH 816 Cacique.


Scanner Reports, Tuesday:

  • Wires down in thee 1300 Block of Garden Street.
  • 20-30 Juveniles yelling in the 800 Block of State street.
  • Philip likes to fling trash in the Chase Palm Park Expansion now he is heading down the railroad tracks.
  • Med call 1100 Block of State street.
  • Van one out with a pedestrian 800 Block of State street.
  • Premises check The Honorable most Blessed Santa Barbara Silly Hall.
  • The Checker Unit warned Brian that he should not be driving without a Drivers’s License but he drove away anyway Brian was last seen Eastbound on Cabrillo in a white Jeep Cherokee with Minn. Plates.
  • 800 Block of Bond traffic stop black Honda Civic.
  • Gang Fight State at DLG Street 2 Detained.
  • Med call 1100 Block of Santa Barbara street.
  • Med call 222 North Milpas Trader Joes
  • Traffic Accident Highway 101 North Bound at Highway One Honda Civic in the Center Divider… Med Call 40 East Calle Crespis.
  • Premises check Shoreline Park.
  • Med call 109 South Fairview.
  • Vehicle vs Tree Highway One at Santa Lucia Canyon offramp.
  • On Maple near DP Canyon Wires arcing.
  • Med Transport 4800 Block of South Bradley.
  • Threats investigation East Side of Santa Barbara one subject threatening to kill another.
  • Anacapa at Micheltorena 20002 Non injury hit and run and Drunk Driver they got the car not sure if they got the driver suspect vehicle A silver Pontiac Gran Prix.


Will that is enough of the reports for now. Trader Joes went there earlier and stood next to an unattended grocery cart with a backpack in it for 3 minutes when the female came back I looked at her and she was a Trader Joes employee.. Anyway have a Great Hump Day…Peter, Molly, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Midnight, Merlin, Tom Cat, Clancy, Tomicina, Tiger, Shadow, FREDDIE! Maxwell, Lola, PoPo, Tiny, Andy, Fish Heads One, and Two, Poncho, Denny, Zeke, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Ross, Rambo, Sherry, Eddie, Bambi, Lafayette, Ted, Mark, Willie, Pat, Mavis, Bengie, Ricky, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Mrs, MacArthur, Auntie Helen, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Crazy Ed, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY!, STOBE THE HOBO, KFC, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, John Havlick, Little Mac, Tom Petty, and Chris willing we will see you on FRYday…It’s Chris Birthday in Heaven Today he would have been 33…Later,  Roger


Written by Roger

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