Scanner Reports 1-28-19

By Roger the Scanner Guy

It’s pretty much impossible to get on social media on the internet nowadays and not run into twisted people with twisted ideas or should I say church pastors, priests, preachers, those who teach the ways of Spirituality Gods Love. Maybe at one time they did that but now it seems to be all about hate, separation. If you’re not a Christian you must be a Satanist, etc. I used to be a Christian but I’m not anymore though I do my thing, I stay away from Churches, I don’t want anything to do with those people. The last church I went to the preacher told me if I wasn’t a republican who voted for Bush Jr. they did not want me there that was when I started to think the whole darn thing was a phony con to control the masses of sheep of which I have been one most of my life.

Watching these guys on the media with their insane rages of hate toward others mostly Gay folks, Liberals and women, I get the idea that Satan is not such a bad guy. When asked about my religion I tell people I go to the Church of Skatan. It sounds to them like I am saying Satan, they question me no further and leave quickly which is a good idea because I no longer like Christians very much, I like spirituality. I like all Spirituality and I don’t go to church I don’t have to. One of the things that really get my Goat is this one Asshat preacher says “If a woman doesn’t scream it isn’t rape.” I’d like to say to him “Feel free to scream I’m really feeding you to the woodchipper.” There are some good church Folks and preachers, Priests, and Pastors, who are non judgemental toward all they practice that “God is Love.” That is all that needs to be said really because God is Love. God is not some guy wearing a MAGA hat carrying an AR-15 and shooting up liberals, Gay Folks and women. That’s my MILPAS UNDERPANTS AND MY MILPAS UNDERPANTS is my HIGHER POWER. Can I get an AMEN?

Scanner Reports, Friday:

  • Reporting Party from an earlier Vandalism  reporting suspect walking South on State street from the 1700 Block the police caught up to him in the 1400 Block of State street suspect is a male transient who smashed windows.
  • Traffic Stop Parking lot of JJ’s Liquors in the 300 Block of Castillo
  • 10851 Recovery stolen vehicle 1200 Block of Punta Gorda there one second gone the next. Not  sure they found it again.
  • Highway 154 at the Cold Springs Bridge vehicle fire.
  • 459 Investigation at Arlington Village in the 1300 Block of Chapala.
  • Med Call Fall Victim Mara Villa 5500 Block of Calle Real.
  • Possible 459 Burglary to a vehicle 600 Block of Covington Way.
  • 415 Mother-Son Domestic 2000 Block of Lorinda Way.
  • Embellzment Investigation at Sears 3845 State street.
  • 242 Assault at the Bus Stop in front of Rite Aide 35 South Milpas they caught up with the bad guy in the MILPAS UNDERPANTS.
  • Missing at Risk 84 year old man from out of town found in front of Marshals 900 Block of State street.
  • Possible Dog Theft female wearing a backpack possibly involved Raymond at Dakota.
  • 594 Vandalism in the 300 Block of South Canada I thought I heard it was someone cutting up a tent but not sure though it sounded like that.
  • Eucalyptus Hill Road at APS 415 Domestic with boy fiend pursuing the female with a knife and stabbing her car seat.- 2800 Block of DLV Embellzment.
  • Premises check Ortega Park.
  • 273.5 Domestic Violence in the 200 Block of East Carrillo male punched and kicked the female.
  • Theft at Home Depot on Market Place in Goleta where  things like this NEVER happen.- 200 Block of Storke Road “That’s in Goleta isn’t it? So hard to believe.” 242 That is an Assault that happened in Goleta on FRYday too.
  • 242 Assault 800 Block of East Haley in Santa Barbara.
  • Illegal burn Bon Fire in Pershing Park responders called out twice on this.
  • Campers in the CACIQUE UNDERPANTS Which is cleaner than MY MILPAS UNDERPANTS it’s been a long week.
  • Jumper on the cliffs 2400 Block of Mesa Lane that was quite stressful.
  • Med Call 1017 State street on the sidewalk.
  • Not sure where but sounded like this occurred at UCSB campus was reporting on a couple things at the same time. There was a 20002 non injury hit and run with a stolen vehicle a 2015 White BMW.-
  • 2  Vehicles in the no parking zone in the 800 Block of Wentworth.
  • Female yelling in the parking lot Our Lady of Sorrows 227 Nopal street.


Scanner Reports, Saturday:

  • Theft Investigation at the Best Western on Carpinteria Avenue in Carpinteria where things like this don’t happen because they do not put up with it there. Ongoing issue with same thieves stealing various things from the hotel. Turtles from the pond, and towels The thieves are possibly staying at another motel on the North Side of town Sounds like they ran out of towels.
  • Montecito Bank and Trust 459 Audible alarm 1000 Block of Castis Pass.
  • 487 Investigation Grand Theft in the 600 Block of Santa Barbara street.
  • Stolen vehicle recovery 800 Block of Vales in Santa Barbara.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject going Door to Door in the 2500 Block of Mesa School Lane asking people for Alcohol, sounds like he needs a drink.
  • 415 LOUD HARLEY DAVIDSON MOTORsickles East Bound on Foothill from Ontare.
  • Motorcycle Down 2 patients Poterol at Long Grade, Ventura.
  • Code 2 med call 900 Block of Cacique foot pain.
  • Highway 101 Northbiound Exit at Winchester 23152 Drunk Driver all over the road almost crashed Dark sedan 8OLE???.
  • Subject harming a dog First Block of West Carrillo Animal control, SBPD.
  • Subject threatening a Harbor Patrol officer 132 Harbor Way.
  • Dine and Dash at Codys in the 4800 Block of Hollister.
  • 415 Over a vehicle in the 400 Block of East Cota Employee vs Customer.
  • Unattended Suspicious Orange breifcase left on the sidewalk in the 1300 Block of State street.
  • Gas can in the fast lane Highway 101 at Turnpike.
  • Theft of alcohol using water bottles at CostCo in GOLETA Where they don’t put up with the shit that Santa Barbara does silver Mercedes last seen South Bound on Hollister 2 White Males involved OMG Possible NIMBYS.
  • Drug violation 700 Block of North Quarantina.
  • Med Call Vista Del Monte in the 3700 Block of Modoc.
  • Fall victim head injury Samarkand.
  • Overdose 6600 Block of Del Playa.
  • Possible 242 Assault involving a black Range Rover South on Anacapa.


Scanner Reports, Sunday:

  • Someone called in a possible warming fire under the Mission Underpass at a Homeless Encampment Police and the Fire Department did not find a fire, wasted call.
  • 700 Block of Padre Court 459 Burglary to a vehicle
  • Code 40, Drunk female ran away from her boyfriend near the ER Check the Welfare call.
  • Stolen vehicle 4500 Block of Carpinteria Avenue in Carpinteria California I sure am glad they don’t put up with those things there like Santa Barbara does.
  • Check the Welfare of a male living in a U-Haul truck in a commuter lot Carrillo at Castillo will that is one way to pay rent.
  • 415 Rock thrower at a window 315 West Carrillo.
  • Keep the Peace on a Child custody call 3400 Block of Broadmoor Plaza.
  • Animal Abuser kicking a dog near CVS 189 S Turnpike a black Lab suspect HMA in his 50’s last seen toward El Camino School.
  • Old dog walking in lanes highway 150 at Chismahoo Road so sad if I was wealthy I’d do a rescue for animals especially older animals that families kick out of their homes.
  • Overdose at Arco in the 300 Block of West Carrillo I think he ran a way but was caught down the street.
  • Suicidal subject inside Our Lady of Sorrows Church.
  • 415 Domestic possible assault by BOYfiend in the 300 Block of West Pedregosa.
  • 415 Subject refusing to leave Carls Jr. 7 South Milpas.
  • Smoker walking South on Linden Smoking a cigarette.
  • 415 Domestic possible 242 El Rancho Mobil Home Park in the 5700 Block of Via Real.
  • Juvenile on the roof at SMHS
  • 400  Block of East Figourea one shot heard 2 vehicles possibly involved one a grey Truck the other Unknown description.
  • Unknown if injury accident Garden street Underpass 2 vehicles involved.
  • Public Assist engine one ladder request for SBPD for the Jewish Federation 524 Chapala street.
  • Med Call for a subject down at the top of the Los Positas offramp.
  • Subject threatening and following reporting party 236 East Cabrillo.
  • Premises check La Mesa Park.
  • 415 Transient disturbing in the 300 Block of West Montecito streert.
  • Subject tried to enter reporting party’s vehicle now looking into other vehicles 217 East Guiterrez.
  • Med Call for a fall victim in the front of the News Press 715 Anacapa street.


That is all outta me for now Have a great Monday and remember…..I forgot.    Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Tom Cat, Clancy, Tiger, Thomicina, Midnight, Merlin, Lola, PoPo, Shadow, FREDDIE! Andy, Tiny, Fish Head One, and Two, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, James, Rambo, Sherry, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Eddie, Bambi, Bengie, Ricky, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Pat, Mavis, Lafayette, Ted, Willie, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY! STOBE THE HOBO, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Tom Petty, and Chris willing we will pee you on WEDnesday.  Later,  Roger


Written by Roger

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  1. “Smoker walking South on Linden Smoking a cigarette.”………..Last week, illegal corn vendors; this week, smoking on the street. What type of felonious mopery will the police be called to investigate next week, farting in public?

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