Scanner Reports 8-30-17

I got here to Santa Barbara in 1980. I had just got kicked out of the Navy in San Diego after assaulting my company commander. I bought a bus ticket, a transistor radio, and a pint of Jim Beam and rode the bus up here to see one of my sisters that lived here. I got to Santa Barbara and went to the flower shop across the street at Chapala and Carrillo. It was Valentine’s Day. I bought my sister some flowers and walked a block west to De La Vina Street. What a weird name for a street, I remember thinking. Then I headed south. She lived on the 700 Block. She was surprised to see me and welcomed me in her home. But thinking back, I don’t think she was that happy. I was always in trouble, always. She and her roommates took me in overnight. I remember smoking some of their weed and taking some with me when I left. I got a motel room in the 2800 block of State for a day at the Alpine Motel. They asked me if I wanted the 25 dollar room or the more expensive room one came with ladies of the night. I took the cheap room and went to the liquor store and bought a lot of booze. I got drunk, watched the Brady Bunch on TV, passed out and dreamt of Marsha. The next day I went down to the beach, rented a bicycle, bought a steak and a case of Michelob, and a pint of Jim, and went back to Ledbetter. I BBQed my steak all alone, shared some of my beer with homeless folks, then took off drunk on my bike. Somewhere along the line I bought more beer and was balancing it on the handlebars of the bicycle down the bike path toward Stearns Wharf. Drunks can’t drive and they can’t ride bikes either. I crashed, left my unopened beer cans all over the place, took the bike back, got my I.D., paid the rental fee, and went back to Motel Hell one more night. The next day, I left and traveled up the coast a bit to Salinas. I have relatives there. I was there long enough for them to get tired of me. My Uncle Denny gave me 200 bucks and a bus ticket back to Hammond. I went home on the Greyhound, hitting every stop for a bottle and a 12-pack. I ran outta money in Missouri.

I was a good drunk, probably the only thing in life I was successful at; drinking and getting drunk. Like a lot of drunks, I was a screw up at everything else I did. I went through a lot of jobs, homes, one night stands, cars. I used to crash a car, have it towed to a junk yard in Gary, Indiana and they would deliver me another one for 50 bucks. My cars were all junkers. Those junkers, aka beaters go for about 1500 bucks nowadays. That’s why I cannot afford a car.  It took not quite 5 days to ride on the Greyhound from Salinas to Hammond, Indiana. I was there 2 days and my mom gave me 500 bucks and a bus ticket back to Salinas.  My uncle was surprised to see me not 2 weeks later after running me outta town. “What happened?” he said, “What are you doing back here? Did you go back to Hammond?” he asked, worried look on his face. “Yea”, I answered, sitting in his executive attorney chair in his office while he sat in the clients chair, “I went back to Hammond, Mom did not want me there. She told me she would give me 500.00 dollars and a ticket to anywhere in the whole wide world I wanted to go. I told her I missed my Uncle Denny, so she bought me a bus ticket back to Salinas. You wanna buy me a ticket back to Hammond and give me a thousand bucks? We could do this all summer.” He threw me out of his office.

I lived out on the streets awhile, in the bushes. A lot of bushes in Salinas, found work, got drunk, got fired, rinse and repeat. After a few months, I panhandled enough for a bus ticket to Santa Barbara. Been here ever since, never left again.  Anyone wanna buy me a bus ticket and give me a couple hundred thousand bucks? I’ll be back in a couple weeks. Inflation and the cost of living.

Anyway here’s your Scanner Reports, Monday:

• Check on a gas leaf blower 300 Block of West Arrellaga.
• Burglary to a doctor’s office in the 3300 block of State Street.
• Medical call for an ill subject on the 3000 block of Sea Cliff.
• Vehicle rollover, Highway One at the Constellation southbound off-ramp, trailer overturned with a lawn mower or a tractor on the back.
• Father of a 2nd grader yelling at the principal of Harding School, 1600 Robbins, over a vandalism to his son’s backpack.
• 400 block of Cannon Green, subject walking around bothering folks and trying to get into their homes. Last I heard he was trying to force his way into someone’s door.
• Audible alarms in the 1100 block of Coast Village Road. I’m not sure but I think there were a couple break-ins there.
• Transient drinking a beer in front of I-Hop.
• Fire reported out outside at or near 2410 Fletcher, did not catch the whole call.
• Subject yelling at others in the 500 block of State Street.
• Burglary to a black BMW on Chapala.
• Subject associated with a tan Ford Aerostar van in the YMCA parking lot, 36 Hitchcock, vomiting in the planters. I bet the gardeners appreciate that.
• Check the welfare of a suicidal subject who should be at court at 118 East Figueroa.
• Transient refusing to leave a construction area at 9 Ashley Ave.
• Suicide by gunshot on the Eastside of Santa Barbara.
• A bunch of drunks in the 200 block of North Milpas, heard two were down probably passed out and a 3rd going through their backpacks.
• 1900 North San Marcos, small vegetation fire, and suicidal subject with a knife in the bottom of a canyon. Fire put out quickly, suicidal subject talked down then taken to the hospital I believe.
• Drunk guy in Food Land yelling, then was out front sitting on a bench in front of Smile Dental.
• Adult children refusing to leave parents’ residence. Adult brother and sister fighting over one tapping the other’s telephone, 800 block of North Soledad.
• Fight between 2 males in the 500 block of West Canon Perdido.
• Man reporting that he was sexually assaulted by another man at the corner of Yanonali and Calle Caesar Chavez, it does happen.
• Subject drinking beer in the back of a red Chevy van, 200 block of West Gutierrez.
• Theft investigation, 217 East Gutierrez Smart and Final. I love that place.
• Suicide by gunshot in Orcutt. I hate those calls, second suicide by gunshot I heard in Santa Barbara County on Monday. Sad.

Scanner Reports, Tuesday:

• Non injury accident Loma Alta at Shoreline was at first reported to be an injury accident.
• Overdose, 400 block of Old Coast Highway.
• SBSO officer witnessed speeder in a grey Ford pick-up truck northbound 101, passing Winchester, but could not catch up to him.
• Commercial burglary to a building material company in the 300 block of East Yanonali.
• Vehicle accident scooter vs bicyclist Jameson at Santa Isabel Lane.
• Wallet found, 2400 block of Fletcher.
• Non-injury hit and run DLG at Chapala.
• Check the welfare of a female with her mother in the parking lot of Cottage ER.
• Stolen vehicle, Linfield at Whittier.
• Hit and run, Castillo Underpass, suspect a girl in her 20’s, 101 northbound at Los Positas, vehicle registered in Ventura.
• Fire reported out in a laundry room, 1700 block of Hillside.
• Highway 1 at Brown Trailhead to Point Sal, multiple burglaries to vehicles.
• Heard part of an obstruction of justice, resisting suspect on the ground after being combative with a police officer, 400 block of Chapala. Later on, after being cleared at Cottage, the suspect was transported to Cottage with escorts from other officers.
• Medical at the YMCA, subject with seizures.
• Medical at PATH, 816 Cacique, subject with facial injuries.
• Beer run at Albertsons, suspect was holding a knife as he committed the crime, Albertsons. Last seen in Girsh Park.
• Non Injury hit and run, victim followed the suspect who went near or to, the Santa Barbara Police department. Occurred at Los Positas and State Street.
• Trespasser, 200 block of Cottage Grove.

So, on Monday, I went over to Pet Co to get my Betas’ aquarium water tested to make sure it was clean. As I was there, one of the clerks, Kyle, was putting dead fish from the goldfish tank into a black plastic bag. One wasn’t quite dead yet. It broke my old heart to watch him do that, so I asked him for the dying fishy, I was willing to buy him if I had to. I took him home, cleaned out a bowl, put some rock in it purified water and put him in it. He was dying and there was nothing I could do about that, but I could give him a home. I lifted his aquarium and was talking to him at my desk inside my cottage when a sparrow attacked the back of my head. He must have thought it was a big nest. Then he saw the fish and went for him. Scared the daylights outta me. Joey went after him, as I did, after making sure Fish Head 3 was OK, at least for the moment. I talked to the dying fish into the evening, and he passed as was expected. But at least before he died he had a home. Have a great Hump Day…Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Clancy, Poncho,  Jerry, Jonathan, C.J., Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Marty, Cop John, Rambo, Sherry, Brad, Billy, Walter, Fred, Diana, Jim, Magruder, Don, Cory, Edwin, Isabelle, Jerry, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, and Chris willing we will see you on FRYday. Later, Roger