Scanner Reports 7-31-17

Monday Monday, another Monday. At the end of the month I’m always broke and looking around for food. That might change now that I’ll be going to Smart and Final instead of that other place. Anyway, I remember how Cop John used to say he could make a meal out of anything. He’d have a bag of carrots for dinner and that was enough. He told me that because I worked for him once, selling his service on the phone. After losing his job as a police officer, he opened up a carpet cleaning business in Santa Barbara. He hired me at 500.00 a month plus commission, plus all I could eat (he had no idea how much I ate). I ate everything and sold very little. I never was much of a salesman. After a couple weeks, the pay was 500.00 a month plus commission, but NO FOOD. But I kept eating anyway. He was working, I was in his home working out of an office there. He couldn’t stop me. He wanted me to sell, I was going to eat and eat and eat. One day his mom and dad came to visit. They bought their dog, a pit bull. He was kinda vicious. They left him loose in the house and took off. I went to go the bathroom and couldn’t. The dog was right outside the office door guarding it from me leaving. I couldn’t believe he left the dog in there so I couldn’t even go to the bathroom (or clean out his fridge). The fridge was packed too. They had just went shopping, there was all kinds of grub in there. I opened up the window and tossed some things toward the next room, John’s bedroom, then I got ahold of a broom and started tapping on his bedroom window. I heard the dog in his room barking at the window, I snuck out and shut the bedroom door, trapping his dog in there. Boy that dog was really angry… hee hee hee. First I went to the can, then washed up and headed for the kitchen. When I got through with John and his Mommy and Daddy all they was gonna have was carrots. I took out a couple T-Bone steaks and pan fried them. There was frozen fries and onion rings. I had the oven, the burners, and the microwave going all at the same time. When the steaks were done I put one on a plate outside John’s bedroom door. After a few moments, I opened the door. After Fido ate the steak we were best friends. We ate a lot of grub. When John and his parents got back I was sitting on the recliner watching HBO, eating a huge Submarine sandwich and smoking one of John’s Marlboros. Their dog was sound asleep on my lap after consuming a couple steaks. I still remember how pissed off his mom and dad were that I got away with eating all that food they bought for John. He thought it was funny too. Roger: one steak, pound of fries, onion rings, pot of coffee, half gallon ice cream and a cherry pie, chips and a huge submarine sandwich. Fido: 2 T-Bone steaks. John and his parents had some carrots. John fired me, but we were still friends. We still hung out, played jokes on each other. I can’t wait for pay day; getting kinda hungry.

Here is your Scanner Reports, FRYday:

1700 Mission Drive, vehicle accident.
SBPD on a group of folks, 100 block of Powers.
Homeless subject disturbing at Sammy’s Camera.
Subject in a wheelchair at Health Care Services in the 4400 block of Calle Real yelling obscenities.
Check the welfare of a subject down, 1000 block of Coast Village Road.
Vegetation fire, Nojoqui Summit, several acres.
Injury traffic accident, East DLG, 100 block.
Bus in an alleyway, 3500 block of State Street, parking violation.
Report of a vehicle on the Goleta Pier, suspicious subject in a blue 1997 Towncar trying to pick up on women. Arizona plates, elderly male.
Moped vs pedestrian, Milpas at Montecito Streets, injury accident.
Strong arm robbery for a Red Bull, 331 West Montecito, crook got away.
Guadalupe post office, Code 2, medics, don’t know why.
300 block of Castillo on a homeless camp looking for the Red Bull Bandit.
Reckless male driver in a green Mini Cooper, making unsafe lane changes, last seen westbound on Mission Street.
1500 block of Bath Street, assault investigation.
Non injury hit and run, parking lot of KFC, 500 block of North Milpas.
Unknown medical, 7300 block of Hollister.
Check the welfare of a young boy on the lap of an adult male on an electric wheelchair zipping around the Miramonte area.
Sexual assault on Casini Circle.
Domestic with threats, violent ex-husband, brandishing a machete, threatening to use it. Sitting in the driveway in the 600 block of West Ortega with the machete on the passenger seat of a white Jeep Cherokee. Ex-wife locked in the house. Well he was arrested, I hope he stays in jail a while.
Attempt purse snatching near CVS, 1109 State Street chased by bystanders. The male thief let go of the purse and was allowed to continue on. I thought I might have heard that the purse snatcher was the victim’s ex-husband. There are some real winners in the Scanner Reports.

Scanner Reports, Saturday:

1700 block of State Street, camper on a 2nd floor balcony.
Female yelling for help from the creekbed at State and Alamar, never heard anything else.
Naked female running in the streets, 500 East Yanonali near the Labor Line. I hope she’s not a victim. Did not hear any more about this either.
A young woman had a medical emergency and passed away on the West Side. Rest in Peace.
Traffic stop on a bicyclist, 500 block of State Street.
Unknown type pursuit possibly a theft suspect near K-Mart in Goleta. SBSO had him at gunpoint near a liquor store.
Injury accident, Woodmere at South Bradley, 3 vehicles involved.
Suspicious subject in blue Town car with Arizona plates in the 1200 block of State, driving in reverse and honking his horn. This was the same guy that was harassing women near the Goleta Pier on Friday.
Medical at Mission Terrace, diffculty breathing.
Elevator rescue, 100 block of Por La Mar, full fire response.
Burglary while occupant was sleeping, 6600 Block of Sueno.
Subject drinking alcohol in front of the MTD Station.
Vehicle accident, Hwy 246 at Industrial, vehicle vs motorcycle Buellton.
Another vehicle vs motorcycle injury accident, Los Positas at McCaw.
Family domestic 500 Block of West Canon Perdido.
Suspicious circumstances, Check the Welfare of a female juvenile who came out of the brush with two male adults. I think it was near Garden and the tracks.
Low flying aircraft over Carpinteria State Beach reporting a shark in the water near swimmers.
Structure fire 6800 block of Santa Rosa Road in Buellton.
Suspicious subject checking doors and looking into vehicles at Rincon Beach parking lot.
Theft on Turnpike, missed address but possibly Vons Turnpike, female leaving store with grocery cart full of laundry detergent.
Brandishing a knife State Street at Anapamu around 3:30 pm, reported an hour later. Suspect last seen southbound on State Street carrying several back backs.
Two dog owners going at it, 2500 block of Metcliff, Douglas Family Preserve.
Vehicle vs pedestrian, Mission Drive at First in Solvang.
Check the welfare of a young boy who was left unattended while mommy and daddy slept in a car for 6 hours. The six or seven year old kid was at Leadbetter Beach, Parents at Shoreline Park in a white Lexus with Texas plates.

Sunday Scanner Reports:

There was a report of a transformer fire, but no evidence of a fire. There was a power outage in the area of 600 East Anapamu.
Fire reported out, 600 East Micheltorena, did not hear any more about this.
Subject stuck in an elevator, 1700 Block of Anacapa.
Unresponsive male, 2400 block of Bath Street, subject passed away. Rest in peace.
Hazard investigation at Anacapa and Pueblo, white powder on the ground, turned out to be chalk. Part of some run through the City.
Ortega and Olive, male bicyclist in the neighborhood checking vehicle doors in case one might be open and he could pocket things, but someone called in and he was detained.
Unknown type Hazmat call, 3400 block of Baseline.
Traffic stop stuck on red, Hollister at Modoc, sounds like fun stuck at the traffic light on Sunday afternoon.
Burglary, 700 block of East Clark in Santa Maria.
Hear these a lot; no address, transient stealing electricity from a library, most likely plugging in a cell phone charger.
Theft investigation SBPD Lobby.
1600 block of East Clark, gas leak.
Medical call, Buena Vista Health Care Center, 160 South Patterson.
Keep the peace, reporting party needs to pick up personal property on Red Rose Way.
Medical emergency, Villa Santa Barbara, 227 East Anapamu.
Non injury accident, Carrillo and San Pasqual.
Found gun in a case somewhere on Calle Real, sounded like the 8200 block.
Hit and run, gray SUV into a parked vehicle in the parking lot, 29 South Milpas, reporting party got the license plate. Someone might be expecting a visit from the police soon.
Subject becoming violent and yelling at passersby, 629 State Street.
Medical call, ill subject, Junipero at Calle Real.

Well, that is all outta me. Can’t wait till pay day so I call load up and grub. I miss my friend John and his fridge full of food. He was a good man, and though he lost one job as a police officer, he sobered up and went back to work as a police officer, putting in 20 more years. They say he worked the day he passed away from cancer. I did not know he had passed till I found a memorial for him on the internet. I’ll be writing more about John. We had a lot of good times. A lot of good times sober, though they were not all entirely innocent. Until then, have a great Monday. Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Clancy, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Carl, Stan, Kent, Cop John, Elmo, Cory, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Marty, Rambo, Sherry, Isabelle, Jerry, Jim, Diana, Brad, Billy, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, and Chris willing, we will see you on Wednesday. Later, Roger