Scanner Reports 5-13-20

By Roger the Scanner Guy

I have been looking at Craiglist ads and saw an ad for a 1999 Chevy Lumina from Buellton, a daily freeway driver to Santa Barbara. Not bad then the seller added a little more information: “The car has been wiped down and sat in the sun for a full week. It’s safe to test drive. We also have gloves and mask to use.” I would be scared to buy a vehicle now, it’s gotta be totally disinfected with sanitizer and 5 clear coats of sanitizer Turtle Wax… Spank You very Much. I’m SNOT going to buy or test-drive a vehicle without knowing it has been STERILIZED! Then I too am going to have it done just to make sure the buyer is not Bullshitting me though maybe there should be a certification of the vehicle having been sanitized like a Smog certification. The same should be done for apartment rentals and other residential places including businesses and merchandise in stores, etc. In fact, we should just sanitize everything and then have certification papers for all of it. Heck I’m certified, I want all of you to be certified too! When I went to Military School back in 1972, I was 14 years old and did not know shit about anything and my Sgt. told me I had to go to the infirmary and ask the nurse for my masturbation papers. I had to be certified to masturbate, I had no idea what masturbation was but acted as I did so no one would think I was a friggen idiot. I went to the Infirmary and asked for my masturbation papers and I bet there are still people laughing at me 48 years later. Do I have to prove to anyone that I’m certified? Hair is Your Scanner Roni Reports.

Scanner Reports, Monday:

415pc Male subject refusing to leave the Orange Tree Inn 1900 Block of State street
Medical Call Milpas at Yanonali Streets.
Premises check 400 Block of West Anapamu.
415pc Between a Mother and Special needs daughter at Whole Foods in the 3700 Block of State street Mother drove off without the kid and the daughter was running after Mom driving away. It’s ok though Mom went to Jack in the Box where they argued until the police showed up.
Traffic Stop on a bicyclist at Por La Mar and Ninos.
Premises check Pershing Park.
Threats investigation 400 Block of West Carrillo
A couple of thieves male and female white couple tried to steal a kids bicycle at 40 Los Patos.
459pc Commercial burglary to a business forced entry 117 Harbor Way.
Illegal burn campfire underneath the Las Positas overcrossing near the railroad tracks.
Medical call 15 East Haley in a room.
Smoke coming from a structure, structure fire response 4600 Block of Carpinteria Avenue.
Medical aide 323 East Cabrillo Blvd
Trespassing 600 Block of Lloyd Avenue.
5150pc Parked in the 500 Block of West Sola.
242pc Assault by spitting 132 Harbor Way suspect is a transient wearing a black hoodie and jeans.
Augusta Street first Block 459 Burglary in progress.
Medical call at the Presido Market 1236 Santa Barbara street.
Medical call Unconscious subject at Butterfly Beach.
Burglary to a vehicle 300 North Calle Caesar Chavez.
Vehicle vs Motorcyclist Modoc at Encore F-150 Possibly hit and run.
Medical call 115 West Figueroa.
Medical Aide front of the police station 215 East Figureoa
Smoke investigation Hot Springs at East Mountain, no fire.
245pc ADW occurred at PATH 816 Cacique and victim just left Cottage Evening 245pc Investigation at PATH 816 Cacique, weapon not mentioned.
20002 Non injury hit and run Black Ford pick up into a green van 1200 Block of Indio Muerto last seen Southbound on Canada possibly 23152 Drunk Driver.
Attempt 459 Burglary to a Home on Kenwood Road off Carrillo Hill.

Scanner Reports, Tuesday:

415 Fight at Skaters Point early this morning did not hear anything after the first call out I do hope they were social distancing.
Medical call 5300 Block of Calle Real.
Possible 10851 Vehicle at Tri County Produce also early this morning before opening.
Code 40 Drunk male 2900 Block of DLV disturbing.
A littering man at Quarantina and Ortega in a red pick up truck.
Vehicle stolen Honda Accord 200 Block of North Milpas street.
Suspicious subject attempting to place an unknown object under the reporting party’s vehicle at Garden and Cabrillo near the Visitors Center.
Wires arcing Transformer blown 200 Block of Lexington.
Possible abduction woman and child missing in Lompoc She was last seen driving a 2011 white Toyota Corolla ca plate 6SOU243, Last seen 8:30pm in Lompoc
Code 40 Drunk subject disturbing at Our Daily Grind 2000 Block of DLV last seen walking North on DLV,….BMA.
484 Shoplifter from CVS Turnpike HFA Blond wearing blue jeans took lotion.
911 Hang Up call Val Verde.
Possible 459 Burglary to a vehicle The Zoo parking lot 500 Ninos silver Toyota subject seen taking items from the vehicle.
242pc Assault Ralphs 100 Block of West Carrillo.
There was a pursuit in Santa Maria but it was called off for Safety it was a Honda Accord now wondering if it was the one taken from Santa Barbara, don’t know there are thousands of Honda Accords in the county.
459 Audible alarm 600 Block of North Alisos, Did not hear if there was a crime or not.
Report of a 417pc Brandishing a knife female transient Canon Perdido at Chapala, Police caught up to her in the First Block of West Canon Perdido female in custody..
415pc Subject yelling in the gazebo 100 Block of East Sola male yelling obscenities at other people in the park.
Medical call 4700 Block of Foothill.
415 Domestic heard in the area of Quinientos and Alisos ongoing.
Trespasser going through trash wearing a jacket that says Security on it 19 West Anapamu.
A suspicious subject looking in vehicles trying door handles at 5 Points 3939 State street.

Wipe those vehicle door handles everytime you leave your car Be Safe, Don’t be Sorry….Cracks me up just about everytime I comment on Something there are a bunch of Down Votes on the comment the Down Votes tell me I’m right..Thanks Guys Have a WONderful WEDnesday… Peter, Molly, Belinda, Midnight, Merlin, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Lola, PoPo, Tom Cat, Tomicina, Tiger, Clancy, Shadow, FREDDIE!, Maxwell, Liza, Zoey, Tiny, Andy, FISH HEADS ONE AND TWO, Poncho, Denny, Zeke, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Ross, Rambo, Sherry, Eddie, Bambi, Lafayette, Ted, Pat, Mavis, Mrs MacArthur, Auntie Helen, Bengie, Ricky, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John,Mark, Willie, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Roger, Father Zimmerman, Joseph, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Crazy Ed, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY!, STOBE THE HOBO, KFC, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, John Havlick, Little Mac, Tom Petty, John Prime, Rich Mullins, Bill, John, Kona, Marianne, and Chris Willing we will see you on FRYday. Later, Roger