Scanner Reports 12-22-17

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Ashes to Ashes, Damn things. The other day one of those On Trac guys delivered a box of Sees Candy to us for Christmas, it was really nice of someone to send us the box of candy though I’m not supposed to eat that crap. It turned out OK because it really wasn’t for us, it was supposed to go to the 200 Block of South Alisos not 200 South Milpas. I noticed when the On Trac guy delivered it he threw it from about 20 feet away onto my neighbor’s porch, it’s good to know in case anything ever shows up damaged who did it. We were going to just eat the damn candy but it’s Christmas and someone might be missing their present that is just not cool.

I decided to walk it over there and deliver it myself. As I was walking down Cacique street I noticed a street cleaner and realized that I had forgotten my mask. Oh well I thought, I used to swim in the Little Calumet River that is about as Toxic as you can get. I walked through the cloud of ashes and dust as I went to the house to deliver the package. I did my good deed and walked back through the ashes and dust on my way to the Bank and Trader Joes. I got some food at Trader Joes and walked home, had an OK dinner then I felt really tired early and crashed out around nine. Weird, I felt tired like that but I hadn’t been moving around as much because of the fire not going out as much. I woke up bright and early as I always do but stayed in bed for a bit when I got up I blew my nose as I always have sinus, of course, I looked what came out of my nose. Can you guess what I blew out of my nose? Ashes lots of Ashes.

Jim was telling me that there is something in those Ashes that zaps your energy and makes you feel tired. Don’t know what it is but it sure got me. Maybe I’ll just wear that mask from now on, Maybe we should all wear those masks for a bit longer keep the nostrils clean.

Here are your Scanner Reports, WEDnesday:

• Engines one and five responded to a smoke investigation on the Carrillo Northbound on ramp and found nothing.
• Two subjects were circling the HOOD at Cannon Drive and San Roque in a stolen Jeep and someone called the police on them reporting them as suspicious DUH! They were pulled over in a Felony stop in the 3600 Block of San Remo and arrested. Some people are so dumb they deserve to go to jail.
• Fire alarms ringing no fire El Encanto Hotel.
• 400 Block of West Sola 415 Neighbors.
• Subject smoking an unknown substance from a glass pipe 1000 Block of Cacique I wonder what it was?
• Elder Abuse report over the phone only SBSO Call.
• Check the Welfare of a Jewish Christian subject in the 100 Block of West Yanonali that hasn’t been heard from in some time. I never heard of that before it makes me wonder what my Sister said the other night when she asked the police to check my welfare. Check the welfare of a Suicidal sober alcoholic fat ass liberal Bernie supporter in the 200 Block of South Milpas. Probably why the beat on the door so hard at 4:30 in the morning.
• Fall Victim medical call near the escalator at Sears 2nd floor 3845 State street.
• Medical call 300 Block of Old Mill Road.
• Premises check 800 Block of Cold Springs.
• Report of Vegetation Fire 5000 Block of Santa Rosa Road.
• Fall victim medical 2000 Block of Sherwood.
• Road Rage over a near miss accident Gutierrez at Olive streets.
• Premises check 800 Block of Cheltenham.
• Medical call 900 Block of Cheltenham.
• Traffic accident School Bus with no children involved Linden overpass in Carpinteria.
• Highway 101 Southbound center divider non-injury traffic accident involving a sports car.
• DRUNK causing problems on Coast Village Road first at the Bottle Shop in the 1200 Block then the 1100 Block WMA in his 50’s. While the police were responding to the 2nd call the guy started pounding on someone’s windows, Someone who smokes weed would never do that.
• Assault the Boys Club 600 West Anapamu 6 on 1 according to a witness everyone was gone when the police got there.
• Open mike Channel one check for an open mike on channel one SBPD. I like when that happens.
• Self-inflicted stab wound to the hand at the Double Tree I don’t know why the guy stabbed himself but the first report I heard was that there were 2 subjects involved someone could have been arrested because this guy stuck himself… Good thing the police knew the real story.

Scanner Reports Thursday:

• Twitter listing structure fire 300 Block of Old Mill  Road.
• Medical Call SBSO on scene 300 Block of Beech Street in Buellton UNknown type Medical.
• Smoke check  Highway 101 Southbound State street offramp near the railroad tracks I think they were Unable to locate.
• Med call leg injury 700 Block of North Alisos.
• Alita Lane 900 Block 459 Burglary.
• Suspicious subjects near Ross Dress for Less at 5 points.
• Transient disturbing 5th at Maple.
• Fall victim inside of Ralphs 100 Block of West Carrillo.
• Check Fraud on Cindy Lane in Carpinteria.
• Fall victim head injury 1000 Block of Cliff Drive.
• SBSO chasing a burglary suspect around Lompoc armed with a hatchet I mistaked the burglary in Montecito because of the name Buena Vista I thought they were talking about Buena Vista Drive not the school in Lompoc.
• Check the Welfare of a transient near Los Banos pool.
• Med call UNknown type in the 1000 Block of College in Lompoc.
• Harbor Patrol on a subject at Ledbetter Beach.
• Suicide attempt by gunshot wound in Goleta.
• Bicyclist down having seizures 4900 Block of Glen Annie in Goleta.
• Hazard investigation low hanging wires 800 Block of West Anapamu.
• Subject UI or 5150 Walked into Transition House 400 Block of East Ortega
• Premises check Ortega Park.

Will that is all outta me for now Have a wonderful Weekend and Merry Christmas I will be posting and hopefully all will be up on Monday but we will see…..Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Fish Head One, Clancy, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Brad, Billy, Jonathan, C.J. Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Magruder, Don, Cory, Edwin, Ricky, Rambo, Sherry, Bommy, Poppy, David Cox, Poe, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Marty, Cop John, Isabelle, Jerry, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, Ernie Banks, Tom Petty, and Chris Willing we will see you on Monday. Later, Roger