Scanner Reports 8-10-18

By Roger the Scanner Guy

I posted that Code 40, drunk guy entering someone’s home that they did not know, and a couple days later I remembered I did that myself once. T’was a Dark and Stormy night, well not really but the ground was wet and the roads slick, and I was Drunk Driving trying to beat the Calumet City Police to the Indiana state line. Back in the day you could get away with some crimes if you made it to the state line before the long arm of the law got you. Unfortunately for me I was doing 90 mph in a vehicle with bald tires on a wet road, I took a slight turn merging onto another road and went sideways and flipped over in a water-filled ditch. I was so wasted I sat there for a second trying to figure out what was going on. I pulled out a cigarette and went to light it but smelled gas, the only good sense I had was not to light that cigarette. I was so lucky I wasn’t pinned in that car in the water as it was sort of on the side and roof. All I could hear were sirens and police officers getting out of their cars running toward me, before they got to me I climbed out of the car and ran into the Forest Preserve, which was where I crashed. It would take them a few moments to figure out I escaped the wreck. I ran out the other side of the wooded area about a quarter mile into a residential area, there was a huge party going on at one of the houses. I went there full of swamp mud, someone gave me a beer and some pills, they told me the pills would make me feel better, (They were not aspirins.)

I had no idea where in the HELL I was? I wandered away from the party walking down a street. I saw what looked like my Mommies house. I was so Happy Mommies House I must have flown there. The front door was open the screen door shut just like Mommies house. I stood on the porch looking in for a moment, there was a light on in the living room and a comfortable looking sofa. I thought Mommy must have bought a new sofa. I opened the door and went in sat on the sofa took my muddy shoseys off and laid down. I went to Sleepy Bye. I don’t know how long I was out but I heard something and opened my eyes and saw this huge thick corn broom coming toward my face WHAM!!! before I could get a chance to say “MOMMY DON’T!!!” She let me have it like six more times WHAMWHAMWHAM!!! WHAMWHAMWHAM!!!! Like a machine gun she must have been related to Al Capone! “YOUGETTHEHELLOUTTAHEREYOUBUM!!!” The lady who looked nothing like my Mommy yelled. This Mommy was someone else’s Mommy, she was huge had muscles and one of those Bee Hive Hair Doos and she was mean as Shit! I tried to hobble out of there but she kept hitting me with that damn broom and it wasn’t one of those cheap brooms from the Dollar Store Neither, it was one of those big thick old fashion brooms. I forgot my shoes, running the Hell outta there I had no idea where the hell I was at that point. I was lucky I escaped that crazy lady I wondered why she hit me? She got my shoes. I saw a restaurant up ahead. It was open I walked in there was a large group of Calumet City police officers sitting at a table staring at me as I entered. I must have looked like the Swamp Monster they were laughing, I passed out. Woke up in the nearest Hospital right over the Indiana State line in Hammond. I got released all I had to do was get my car out of the ditch. I was really lucky I escaped that homicidal Mommy with the 4×4 Corn broom from 1942, to this day if you look at me real close you can see indentations of corn broom strands in my face. A lot of drunks do that sort of thing they are so drunk or stoned they see an open door and walk in thinking they are at home or being invited. I had someone enter my place here once after I left the door open and went across the street it was someone I knew though still he took a swing on me and I tossed him into the cactus. Pretty funny I totally forgot I have done it too I just wasn’t mean when I did it doesn’t really make much of a difference. I got taught a painful lesson with that broom. That’s my Milpas Underpants and I’m sticking to them.

Scanner Reports, Wednesday:

Northeast corner of Montecito and Milpas check the welfare of a subject down, male.
Premises check the rear of the Mobil station on Las Positas 2200 Block.
415 Ex Boyfiend yelling at his ex about the rent before leaving 600 Block of Eucalyptus sounds like he don’t live with her just showed up to yell at her.
Traffic Accident highway 101 Southbound at El Capitan wrong way driver caused accident and injuries.
Possible suicide by hanging Goleta subject was conscious and breathing when the SBSO showed up.
Highway 101 Northbound at El Sueno messy vehicle rollover no injuries
242 Assault Hollister at Magnola.- Missing at Risk female from the 500 Block of Santa Barbara street found later in Montecito.
County somewhere? Marijuana Overdose.
SBPD on 3 subjects at the State Park
Med call 300 Block of Old Mill Road.
Med Call Diabetic 500 West Junipero.
Subject fell off a bicycle Cota at Sapsitudes.
Stolen vehicle a Black Dodge Ram pickup truck from Twomey street in Goleta.
Check the welfare of a female in a vacant building 907 Phlinda Ave.
SBPD traffic stop on a bicyclist 200 Block of North Alisos.
Theft investigation 3000 Block of Calle Mariposa.
Male subject draining the Lizard and yelling 900 Block of State street maybe it hurt.
415 Subject in the 200 Block of West Cabrillo.
415 Domestic medical emergency 1200 Block of Cacique.
217 Off Ramp at Patterson vehicle accident.
Report of a subject in the middle of a street bashing his head into a block of Wood Martin at Sherry streets.
Check the welfare of a dog in a car in the 1100 Block of Garden street I don’t know if they got to the call right away.
Premises check Alice Keck Park.
415 Domestic 1100 Block of San Andres.
Public assist at the Junior High 2200 Block of Modoc.
Med call 200 Block of Miramar.

Scanner Reports, Thursday:

Check the Welfare of a code 40, Drunk down Haley at Castillo Unresponsive Med call.
Med call 10 West Figourea unknown type.
415 Customer acting threatening borderline violent 5400 Block of Hollister clerk hiding in the bathroom.
Premises check Cacique Foot Bridge see if anyone is hanging out.
242 Assault 100 Block of East Ortega drunk male hit female, they found the male on Santa Barbara street.
Possible injury accident 28 West Cabrillo front of the Harbor Inn.
Minor injury accident 3700 Block of State street.
Med call Seizures in the 4400 Block of Via Real at the 76 Station.
Report of a brush fire 3400 Block of highway 246 West of the Purisima Golf Course.
Code 40 Drunk walking in the street was laying in the street now walking in traffic near the DMV on Castillo
Campers in the 200 Block of West Guiterrez.
Reckless female in a red Pick Up Truck Calle Real at highway 154.
Assault victim 1600 Block of Eucalyptus Drive in Solvang Fire Department, Medics, SBSO.
Camper cited in the 3500 Block of State street.
Female with warrants arrested taken into custody 1600 Block of Bath street.
Check the welfare of a homeless subject on the ground next to a shopping cart Yanonali at Chapala.
Check the welfare of a 5150 woman who wanted to speak to the police in the 800 Block of State street.
415 Trespassers disturbing possibly ripped off a bicycle Ongoing issue 400 Block of West Montecito couple.
415 Subject disturbing in the 200 Block of State street.
Bloody Knife found in the area of Storke and Hollister if you call the S.O. with the exact location you left it maybe they will give it back.
Check the Welfare of a man down behind Samys Camera in the 500 Block of State street.
242 Assault Vera Cruz Park victim hit with a stick suspect was still on scene.

Will read a news item somewheres that the Homeless are being evicted from the Riverbed in Lompoc, personally I don’t believe camping out ought to be against the law but if you don’t clean up after yourself, don’t put out your fires and camp near residential structures, that should be illegal. If I was camping I might be carrying a small stove but that is just me, anyway Have a great Weekend…Peter, Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Clancy, Tom Cat, Tiger, Thomicina, Midnight, Merlin, Lola, Fish Head One, Poncho, Jerry, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Rambo, Sherry, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, David Cox, Poe, Marty, Cop John, Bengy, Ricky, Pat, Mavis, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Isabelle, Jerry, Debbie, Ken, LUCY! John Hancock, Micky Mantle, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Tom Perry, and Chris Willing we will see you on MONday-MONday. Later, Roger