RogerBy Roger the Scanner Guy
Starting to get depressed, it happens every year around my birthday, and the holidays so I go through it. A normal thing for me getting older, feeling like carp then I remember something, some old memory that makes me laugh. This was one of my better ones though kinda embarrassing.
1988, I was 30 years old then seems like yesterday. 32 years ago I was working the Graveyard shift at a high-end auto dealership the name I will not mention. Back then I was a porky 280 pounds and looked like a cross between the Pillsbury Dough Boy and John Candy. I had a lot of nicknames but at this time in my life, Uncle Buck was the one most heard. I was far from a handsome bodybuilder type stud but that did not stop me from thinking it. I had a couple years sobriety under my belt along with my stomach. My regular Security partner had switched posts so I had Debbie this night SNOT her real name. Debbie was an alcoholic and a half in her 50’s always drunk or drinking. She was the stereotypical security guard, Drunk or Asleep on the job. Debbie’s boyfriend had been seeing other women behind her back, though she knew, everyone knew. She told me about it and I said I knew. She asked me what I would do if I was her I said I’d find me a nice young stud and have some fun. She says “Where am I going to find a nice young stud?” I said “Right here Baby!” That was it. We did not get any more work done that night and quite a few after. Her boyfriend was quite angry with me even pulled out his manhood on me, a King Cobra 6 inch chrome 357 Magnum but I did not care besides seeing myself as a stud back then I was invincible or so I thought. I think a lot of young folks think that way. I told her boyfiend what I thought of him with the gun in his hand and he shook as if he was going to shoot me but I knew he wasn’t he was just trying to scare me. I only saw Debbie for a little while she went off with the Fed Ex man ahhhhhhhhhhh. Thy Blessed Days of my Youth When I was as Handsome as Uncle Buck! I miss those days….Here are your scanner reports.
Scanner Reports, Wednesday:
- Vehicle vs Pedestrian minor injuries Canon Perdido and DLV.
- Fall victim Goleta Beach med call.
- Check the Welfare of someone crying in an apartment 1000 Block of East Mason.
- Camper shell off truck in the 3rd lane on the freeway Highway 101 Northbound near San Ysidro.
- Power Pole down Hollister at South Turnpike.
- Domestic Violence investigation 200 Block of West DLG.
- Wires down in the CVS Parking lot 1200 Block of CVR.
- Check on a banner hanging from an overpass 300 Block of Overpass.
- Med call 816 Cacique.
- Check the Welfare of a subject under a piece of cardboard in the 1300 Block of State street.
- Smoke investigation Stearns Wharf I did not hear if anything was found.
- Female passed out in the planter in front of CVS 336 North Milpas street.
- Man with a knife in front of the PD 215 East Figueroa he was there awhile now 5150pc Hold.
- Eucalyptus tree into powerlines Highway 101 Southbound just South of Winchester Canyon.
- Med call 800 Block of East Haley.
- Center Divider Fire Highway 101 near the Avenue of the Flags.
- Med call 1600 Block of Garden Street.
- Med call 1200 Block of Liberty.
- Med call 300 Block of North Milpas street.
- North Side of town male subject suffering Mental breakdown he got 5150ed.
- 415 Domestic motel 6 443 Corona Del Mar.
- Someone is yelling Milpas at Cacique.
- Check the Welfare of a male face down on the ground 200 Block of South Milpas at the 76 Station.
Scanner Reports, Thursday:
- 242pc Patient vs Caregiver 3400 Block of Richland Drive.
- Subject 415pc Challenging others to fight Trader Joes 222 North Milpas, male 65 years old damn BOOMERS Always making trouble!
- Smoke odor outside Barranca at Cliff Drive.
- Medical call 3880 Via Lucero.
- Lemon Terrorist near Sears 3845 State threw a lemon at someone HMA wearing blue shorts and a shir.
- Audible alarm First block of West Anapamu no crime.
- Med call 1500 Block of Clearview.
- 415pc 1200 Block of Liberty.
- 415 Domestic violent 1900 Block of Castillo male hit female.
- Stolen goods investigation 2200 Block of Oak Park Lane.
- 415pc Bicyclist vs Shopkeeper 1300 Block of State street.
- Vehicle accident 1400 Block of East Valley Road.
- Subject refusing to leave the Dental office 900 Block of North Milpas I’m scared last time I went there they took my teeth now I look like Granny Roger!
- Vehicle vs Bicyclist 5700 Block of Calle Real.
- Subject down near Sushi a Go Go near Harbor Way must be tired of dancing.
- The masked Bicyclist Strikes again and this time he bought a wrench! 1300 Block of State street.
- BMA wearing a black hoodie and blue jeans doing drugs behind Smart and Final 217 East Guiterrez it’s not smart but it might be final!
- Drunk Driver in a white Toyota truck 100 Block of North Quarantina.
- Med call at the Police station 215 East Figueroa.
- Med Call 600 Block of East Micheltorena.
- 314pc Indecent Exposure subject at Core Power Yoga carrying a red suitcase exposing himself. I thought it was the red suitcase.
- Burglary to a storage building in the 100 Block of Castillo.
Will I decided to send back the paperwork for my sister and drop the family feud, not because of my nephew’s threats. I’m just not like he is. I saw the paperwork, it has her name on it, that ain’t mine it’s hers. Anyway had a horrible flare up of Rheumatoid Arthritis anyone else got this nasty crap? no cure for it either..Got cheered up a little seeing Jeff Bridges on my Facebook page doing a video and playing the Guitar when he got down on the floor I was afraid he would not be able to get up I know I would not be able to I enjoyed his video he is a nice guy credit to the Universe…..Will I think it was the city, or maybe Cal Trans, or maybe the CHP I don’t know but someone finally cleaned up behind Tinas Nail Salon a BIG THANK YOU from us Folks living in the 200 Block of South Milpas from the bottom of my F…..F….F…..Heart! THANK YOU! Have a Wonderful Weekend…Peter, Molly, Belinda, Midnight, Merlin, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Lola, PoPo, Tom Cat, Clancy, Tomicina, Tiger, Shadow, FREDDIE!, Maxwell, Liza, Zoey, Tiny, Andy, FISH HEADS ONE AND TWO, Walter, Fred, Jonathan, C.J., Brad, Billy, Carl, Stan, Kent, ELMO, Patrick, Christy, Diana, Jim, Ross, Rambo, Sherry, Eddie, Bambi, Pat, Mavis, Mark, Willie, Bengie, Ricky, Mrs. MacArthur, Auntie Helen, Lafayette, Ted, David Cox, Po, Marty, Cop John, Bommy, Poppy, June, Muskie, Roger, Father Zimmerman, Joseph, Magruder, Don, Edwin, Cory, Kona, Crazy Ed, Debbie, Ken, Isabelle, Jerry, LUCY!, STOBE THE HOBO, KFC, John Hancock, Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Mickey Mantle, John Havlick, Rich Mullins, Tom Petty, Little Mac, John Prime, Lucky, Bill, John, Marianne, and Chris willing we will see you on MONday-MONday. Later, Roger
Thanks for the laugh, Roger.
Thank You Everyone for the birthday wishes..
Rodger, Sorry you’re having a hard time. Arthritis can be debilitating. Don’t forget to look outside and take a walk if you can. We live in paradise and it can definitely help mentally! Have a happy birthday! BTW, I used to live right by there as a kid!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIME, ROGER!
Happy Birthday Roger, you are an ASSet to the community and have more impact on the everyday lives of your readers than you know. We appreciate you.
Happy Birthday, Roger!
Happy Birthday Roger. Here is to another year of your keeping us up to date of what is going on in Santa Barbara.
Happy Birthday you handsome old FART!
I sign up for a ZOOM birthday song. Since that’s not happening, “Happy Birthday to you (x 3) and, ‘You look like a monkey and smell like one, too! And many more. On channel 4.’ ” (Do people still add all that or am I showing age!)