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OH, THIS IS HUGELY DISAPPOINTING
updated: Jul 14, 2012, 9:30 AM
By Nicole Buchanan Freire
So, this Saturday I will not be running my first 5K. Instead I will sitting on my couch, using my inhaler,
coughing, taking cough syrup with codeine, and marveling over the fact that I bruised four of my ribs
JUST BY COUGHING.
Yeah, I have bronchitis. And a doctor's note.
All the weeks of running, all the preparation, a new pair of shoes, endless sessions with my iPhone
trainer Constance, all of that has led me nowhere.
And holy smoke am I disappointed. I'd be angry about it if I had any energy to be angry, but I'm too
tired right now. Mostly I'm just sad and bummed out. I was looking forward to Saturday!
But here's the silver lining. I can try again. I may have to go back to the beginning of my "Couch to 5K"
workout plan when I get the all clear sign from my doctor but I have the opportunity to start over.
And so do you guys! When I get the go ahead to start running, I invite you all to join me. AGAIN. It's sort
of like a book club, only there's only going to be running instead of books, and nobody has to pretend
they like it. Because here's the other lesson I've learned so far. Running is hard!
Oh my god, so hard. Hard, uncomfortable, painful. Doesn't this sound like fun? I know I haven't painted
the best picture so far. But I am convinced that I will be running a 5K at some point in the future and I
fully intend to reap all the benefits I can out of it. Increased cardio? Sure? Some of those good running
endorphins everyone waxes rhapsodic about? Sure! Give me some. The satisfaction of reaching a hard
won goal? Please, please, let that be in my future. All the pasta I can eat? Yes please! (People still do
that, right? Eat spaghetti before a race? That's still a thing? Because I'm counting on it.)
MOVING ALONG NOW, THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE
I don't have a television. No, no, I'm not one of those people, the ones who say, "Oh, I don't have a
television, I don't enjoy television, but I very much enjoyed "The Wire" which I got through Netflix." I
would LOVE to have a television. A big one, mounted on my wall, with a bazillion channels and
impossible to understand remote controls. No, I don't have a television for a super boring reason.
Televisions cost money and you have to have cable, or the Dish network, which also cost money.
I do happen to have a big computer, a hand me down Macintosh from my Dad with a big enough screen
to watch movies on without feeling like a pauper. And yes, I have Netflix. And I do pony up for Hulu
Plus. So there's enough television to keep me busy.
Although, some days, when I dream about having more money, they aren't dreams about going on fancy
vacations or ordering expensive cowboy boots from the Sundance catalog (those things would be
awesome, don't get me wrong) mostly they're about being able to afford HBO. Everything good is on
But I've recently discovered a show that I cannot stop talking about, though the audience of people who
also want to talk about it with me is pretty small. Oh my, it is the best thing ever. It's a reality ballet
show. Uh huh, you heard me right. REALITY BALLET. Why has it taken until 2012 for this to exist? It's
called "Breaking Pointe" and you can watch it on Hulu. Well, that's where I watch it, I'm sure you fancy
pants people can watch it on television. Or you can do what I do, which is watch it on your phone at
11:30 at night, scrunched down under the covers in your favorite flannel pajamas. (So super sexy, am I
AHHHHHHHHHHH, "Breaking Pointe" is the best! There are lots of pointe shoes! And tutus! And lots of
deeply confused people, easily exploited by the notion of being on camera. All the girls are way too
skinny and they talk about food a lot. They all have long hair (the better to twine up onto their heads in
those gorgeous ballet buns) and they're all so lovely and talented. There is a dancer named Ron (who
spends most of the show in a frenzied display of machismo and we get it Ron, you're straight, CALM
DOWN) who has a sister named, wait for it.............SHE'RON.
Oh my god! There's a relationship between two dancers named Rex and Allison that is so twisted and
bad that, I promise you, will make you feel like your own relationships are paragons of emotional good
health. There's a very young, very talented dancer named Beckanne who you just know is going to be
snatching a ton of solos over some older dancers and that will make for lots of jealous sideways
glances. There's a girl named Katy who recently got cut from the company and I think it's because she
has bangs. There is drama, drama, drama and it is awesome.
The artistic director is this guy named Adam and boy is he determined to make his ballet company the
best. I liked Adam okay up until the episode where the big performance takes place, when he decided to
go out on stage before the dancing started to announce the names of the ballets and I was shouting at
the screen "ADAM! This is why people have programs in their laps! They can read! There is no reason for
you to be onstage! HOW GAUCHE!" Would George Balanchine have gotten onstage to announce the
ballets? No, he would not have done such a thing. Did Baryshnikov ever stop and break the fourth wall
to say "Hey, check out these jumps I'm about to do!" No. Adam needs to stay backstage.
Ballet has rules, and that's why I like it. Rigid, unwavering rules, straight from France and Russia. Keep it
together Ballet West.
What I'm saying is that this show is fantastic and the dancing is pretty and come one people, watch it so
we can discuss it in the comments section! Who names their children Ron and She'Ron? Crazy people,
that's who! Tune in, I promise it will be worth your while. Reality ballet, I love it.
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