Lunch with Louie at Santa Barbara Brewing
Santa Barbara food reviews with Louie the pessimist food critic

Jan 21, 5:39 PM (PT)
By Louie

The Santa Barbara Brewing Co.  on State Street is a nicely appointed Sports Bar which also happens to serve food and, in my case, lunch. There are no signs or arrows indicating where you should sit like, "normal people-this way; small, neurotic, paranoid and dysfunctional people-that way." But there is a clue. You can sit at a normal table with normal chairs and put your posterior at approximately 17 inches from the ground or you can go to the *other section* where you can sit in chairs in which your butt will be at a height of 38 inches from the floor. The view is great and you eliminate a few mental quirks at the same time.  For example, if you are short, bald, Jewish and as insecure as I am, you go straight to the 38-inch seats. I was already ahead of the game. Well, it didn't take long for Emilee, our waitress, to make her angelical entrance into our lives. Emilee is a blond blue-eyed American with a nonexistent waist, long wonderful legs, an exceptional figure, and the widest smile on the west coast - an absolute geschmack!

Oh that’s right - the food review. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich that was too thick and too dry - from the freezer bag to the grill and good luck … a hamburger bun too big for the dry cutlet and your generic Carpinteria greens sitting on the side like a motherless child … a pickle, too. My friend Ed was a little bit luckier; his fish sandwich must have been tolerable because he ate it. Boy, my chicken was dry. But on the other hand the food today was not the center of our attention. Sitting on my high chair looking down at my Emilee go by, her hair flowing in the wind, her skin warm as a summer breeze.  I actually felt on top of the world, or at least 38 inches closer.

I won't go back to the Santa Barbara Brewing Co. to see if the chicken has gotten more tender; besides, I will be at Hendry's beach, her hand in mine as we run into the surf (in slow motion of course). By the way, if you take the chicken cutlet and slice it across and pound it before you cook it, it will not only be better looking, it will also taste better.

- Louie

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