Too Much Going On
by Nicole Freire

Red Shoes

Whoo! I have too much going on in my tiny brain this week. I'm on a little hamster wheel of activity and stuff and hey, let's look at my new shoes. What do you think? Do you like them? Are they cute in a carrying a baguette through the streets of Paris way? Or are you looking at them and thinking to yourself, those look like clown shoes? It's a big stretch for me, buying new shoes, what with my bad track record of clothing and shoe purchases. Don't you remember these ugly black shoes? That was bad.

I have all sorts of little things to natter on about today. I spent all morning trying to make them all come together in some kind of coherent fashion, but to no avail. So, it's just flotsam and jetsam, ok?

1) When I go to Vons, they think I'm some woman named "Joanne Devitto". You know those little cards that you swipe? So you can get two boxes of Fruit Loops for $5? Somewhere along the way, my card and Joanne's got switched. I trundle up with my full cart, unload it, cringe at the bill, and then they say to me, "Thank you for shopping with us Ms. Devitto!" It's weird.

2) Hey, part of my social security number was compromised! Someone tried to get a credit card in my name. What is with all the fraud going on in Nicole Land? Because, hello, my credit score sucks, so good luck trying to get a platinum American Express card with my name on it.

3) Also? I'm finally back to work after the world's longest tonsillectomy recovery and man it is hard. I think Netflix misses me. And the couch. No more naps for me.

4) The trees that line my street are shedding tiny yellow flowers everywhere and my children have taken to calling it "the yellow brick road". Which I like, flowers carpeting my pathway, they're lovely. Oh, NOW I get the red shoe connection!

5) Oops, I used all uppercase just now and I meant to tell you all that I'm going to try and stop USING ALL CAPS when I type something because it's kind of a crutch, you know? I don't want to yell, but sometimes I want to GET YOUR ATTENTION. Ok, that's it. Really.

6) Tonight my ballet class starts up again and boy, that is just a whole other column to come. I will tell you though, that I have to wear tights. And a leotard. Man, that is also hard.

7) This morning my oldest daughter had oral surgery and you know what? Her oral surgeon drives a Porsche. Which he totally deserves because he was cutting into her mouth, and let's keep him happy. Side note --- seeing your child laughing because of the laughing gas? You want to laugh but not too much, in case they start to think that drugs are fun. Which they are not. DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU. Whoops, my no-uppercase pledge is broken already.

8) Was it hot enough for you over the weekend? At Chez Freire we just laid on the living room carpet in front of one little fan, sweating and complaining. I tried to lighten things up by noting that they weren't any mosquitoes around but nobody else was impressed. It was miserable. On the bright side, we watched endless hours of the women's gymnastics Olympic trials. Watching those skinny little people swing around on bars really enforces the heat induced slug-like behavior.

9) I get agita sometimes, trying to balance between being funny and being all deep and serious. Here, I mean. My little slice of Edhat heaven.

10) My new favorite thing to eat? Rudy's shredded beef tacos, with beans and rice and cheese. Lots of cheese. Because I CAN eat tacos now. Enough with the jello and mushy food. I want sharp food! Crunchy things that require lots of chewing and swallowing. Still no coffee though. I've replaced it with hot chocolate and now I'm trying to decide which is the lesser of two evils. Sugar or caffeine? So many decisions.

Check it out, there's no number 11.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!!!

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Nicole Freire is a freelance writer who lives in Santa Barbara.