more articles like this

Tell them you found them on Edhat!
www.edhat.com/referrals

Meeting Fine Fellows
updated: May 15, 2011, 1:48 PM

Where can women in their late 30's early 40's meet nice guys in Santa Barbara? Its Friday and we don't know where they are.

Places People Are Talking About:

Audubon Bird Walks	Brophy Brothers	CycleMAYnia
Elements	Environmental Defense Center	Fiesta Days
Film Festival	French Press	Goleta Library
Harry's	Knollwood	match.com
Museum of natural History	Nite Moves	Reef and Run
Sierra Club	Solstice Workshop

What People Are Saying:

COMMENT 173404	2011-05-15 02:08 PM
We're all in our parents' basements, playing World of Warcraft. Get in the game!
COMMENT 173405	2011-05-15 02:42 PM
There are plenty of "nice guys" in Santa Barbara. They tend to just be married though, although, that doesn't really stop them from stepping out.
COMMENT 173427	2011-05-15 03:24 PM
Sorry I missed you and your friends. I'm not usually out on Friday nights; too many things going on with my kids. Weekdays are a different matter. After I get them off to school, I'm usually running, paddling or doing other things I enjoy before school is out. I've been hoping to meet single women as I'm out and about, but so far no luck. While I'm probably not in the demographic you are seeking, my point is that nice folks are out there and you just need to be open to starting a conversation where ever you happen to be. It can be a struggle to make authentic connections, but it is well worth the effort. Good luck and keep looking!! P.S. Nite Moves on Wednesday evenings is a fun event. Lots of nice people.
COMMENT 173431	2011-05-15 03:32 PM
Take up golf -
COMMENT 173437P	2011-05-15 04:00 PM
Harry's - Friday or Saturday
COMMENT 173441	2011-05-15 04:21 PM
church
COMMENT 173444	2011-05-15 04:35 PM
Reef and Run!
EZ2	2011-05-15 05:02 PM
Look for a guy walking a dog
COMMENT 173465P	2011-05-15 05:30 PM
Agree with other posters, Nite Moves on Wednesday evenings, or for that matter, any club that involves sports is a great way to meet people in general, and men specifically.
COMMENT 173466	2011-05-15 05:33 PM
Anywhere: At the grocery store, at a cafe, in line at the post office.... FLIRT!! Guys will flirt back, i promise. But for more traditional venues, Brophy Brothers, Elements, French Press... etc.
COMMENT 173470	2011-05-15 05:46 PM
Get a dog..... Goleta library......Audabon bird walks......
COMMENT 173473P	2011-05-15 05:53 PM
Follow the money, honey.
COMMENT 173481	2011-05-15 06:32 PM
Many nice guys around...problem is, SB women expect a minimun financial package that many of us just don't care about. Start looking past the $$. Not all of us have the desire to drive German cars, trophy houses, round the world travel. Simple is better....and content.
COMMENT 173489	2011-05-15 07:26 PM
Long a sad and unfulfilling story in this town for eons. Look around, you see a lot of very sharp ladies. And then look again and see what part of the equation is missing ......... the older one look for women far younger, and the age appropriate ones are in more cosmopolitan areas still on their career path. The loners, drifters and hanger-oners seem to find both wheat germ, karma and Santa Barbara as well as some lady who they hope will fix them or at least pick up their bills.
COMMENT 173492P	2011-05-15 07:35 PM
Are there any single nice guys over 40 out there? I can't find them. I have a dog, go to all kinds of community events and take adult ed classes. It seems that single guys from 40-50 have plenty to pick from. The problem is they want someone half their age and is built like Barbie. News flash guys I have plenty of nice single women friends and regard myself to be a nice person and we are not out there looking for a guy with a big portfolio we just want someone to talk to and will treat us with respect. Another news flash we want sex too, the thing is that's NOT ALL we want.
COMMENT 173501	2011-05-15 07:56 PM
get a dog - they'll love you no matter what
COMMENT 173508	2011-05-15 08:33 PM
Get a tennis club membership at Knollwood.
COMMENT 173510P	2011-05-15 08:37 PM
Good comments here. I'm happily married guy in early 40's and must say I don't the think the numbers are with you. I moved to the west coast and almost moved straight here but a cousin advised me to live in LA until I found a wife. He was right. I know it sounds crazy, but I'd say you probably should move to a city or spend a summer somewhere to meet a guy. It's all about numbers and most guys who aren't married by 35-40 probably aren't marriage minded or are caught in the same trap as you- low volume dating scene. I also highly recommend online dating but you must specify marriage as the goal. Don't be afraid you'll scare the "right" guy away!
COMMENT 173517	2011-05-15 08:59 PM
Plenty of jobless, car-less, stoners left.
COMMENT 173524P	2011-05-15 09:33 PM
Get a gym membership and really use it. Most men aren't really looking for the Barbie type but so many women in this town have let themselves go. If a woman won't take care of herself it's a red flag for single men.
IHEARTSB	2011-05-15 10:15 PM
524, I have to disagree. Walk down State St. and 90% of the folks you see are trim and at LEAST moderately fit. SB is not a "fat" city, which is obvious if you've traveled elsewhere in the country and have a point of comparison. In fact, we're pretty impressive compared to the national average. Of course, perspective is everything. No question some of SB's older, wealthier guys are, in general of course, far less forgiving and far more critical. There are a shameful lot that would prefer "arm candy" over quality. But fortunately, there ARE plenty of men here with character, humor, values, charm and class. Community involvement, regardless of what it is, gets you out there meeting different people and that's your best shot. Take a couple of classes (adult ed perhaps, or dance classes!) that are sincere passions of yours. That way you meet with a common interest, and even if you don't meet Mr/Mrs Right, you're having fun and enriching your life. Best of luck, love will find you when you least expect it (and more likely, when you're not looking!) And whatever you do, don't settle!
COMMENT 173540	2011-05-16 05:44 AM
Sorry...can't help you. All of the places mentioned above have just as many pervs and derelicts as they do nice guys (e.g. church). Now, if you asked where NOT to go to meet nice guys in SB, I have a list that's longer than my... well, it's long.
COMMENT 173543	2011-05-16 06:29 AM
The Sierra Club has social hikes every Friday. Meet at the Mission at 6:15. If you don't find a nice guy there, you will at least get some exercise ans socialize with a great bunch of people.
COMMENT 173590P	2011-05-16 08:35 AM
Anybody watch 'Hot in Cleveland'? Well it's true look on match.com in places like Omaha NB and all the women in S.B. look HOT.
COMMENT 173591	2011-05-16 08:36 AM
I got lucky with my wife, but my 3 closest friends are all single early 40s men who have checked completely out of the dating scene. They are all kind, intelligent healthy adults who have just gotten burned out on the local dating scene and spend most of their time at home with hobbies. A tip for the ladies, if you see a single guy at the supermarket, try dropping the SB 'tude and just be a warm pleasant person (fake it until you make it) and you might just get the same in return.
COMMENT 173610P	2011-05-16 09:08 AM
Such good comments for the lady! I got so lucky to find/marry a guy who was a friend first. I so agree that you must put yourself out there and FLIRT - guys don't have to do ALL the work! It's a game - sometimes you win, somwtimes you lose - but you'll have more fun. Never spend a weekend at home. Do a variety of activities - sporty and social. Match.com is good, but don't waste too much time on guys who are just online flirting and who don't want to meet face-to-face asap. You can tell so much more about a person 'in-person'. Don't talk about the shallow stuff too much, ask deeper and more interesting questions of your date. Don't discount men who have baggage. Don't be too strict about your 'rules' or a huge list of qualities. (my list: honesty, integrity, intelligence) Good luck!
MARTY	2011-05-16 09:18 AM
Last Friday TGIF at the Environmental Defense Center was jammed with people, mostly under 50, and male outnumbered female. If you are environmentally conscious, it's the place to be. Go to their website to find the next date. Good luck.
COMMENT 173639P	2011-05-16 09:39 AM
Do what you love, and someone will come along that loves the same thing. Volleyball, bike riding, hiking, whatever.
COMMENT 173643	2011-05-16 09:44 AM
I met my single man on match. Don't be afraid of the online method. It's like a large room full of single men that you get to vet at your own pace. And it takes you beyond the SB borders so you get more options than you would at a community event.
COMMENT 173647	2011-05-16 10:04 AM
Be extremely clear about what you want and what you will not accept in a relationship. (Make a list - it helps). Be authentic, know yourself well. Then let go a little, live your life deeply. If you can do this, no matter where you live (it's not as much about numbers, it's about attraction) the right guy will show up. We attract who we are, not what we want. This worked for me, and I met the sweetest, most generous guy when I wasn't even trying. That was eight years ago. We are still together and happy.
COMMENT 173653	2011-05-16 10:20 AM
SB is a hard place to meet people period. Whether you're single or married, people are very guarded here and they're really not all that friendly or warm. Im single and in my 40's. Its very difficult to meet women here. The bars are filled with younger folks and generally have never been a great place to meet people. One thing to remember is that there is so much going on here that on any given day any one event can be full or empty. I've found that most people are just not that receptive to meeting strangers. Smiles are met with nothing returned, small talk is ignored and people just seem guarded. But I’d second the notion that people need to be open to meeting folks in order to meet people. When someone smiles at you at Whole foods – return it with a smile. It wont hurt you and you may just meet that special guy.
COMMENT 173659P	2011-05-16 10:36 AM
Well, I know of the nicest guy on the planet, who is available. He's handsome, witty, hilarious, warm and caring with a huge heart and a great cook. Problem is, he's shy. And, he's devoted to his child. His "ex" treated him and their child so poorly, she abandoned both of them, as she's a gold digger. He's trying to build his own business, and gets out very seldom, though we encourage him to get himself out there. It would be heaven sent if a decent woman who isn't after the almighty dollar, but who is really searching for love and kindness plus awesome companionship were to flirt with him and start up a conversation. Don't let a child's presence deter you, as that child might add a beautiful dimension to your life. Give the quiet ones a chance!
COMMENT 173672	2011-05-16 11:07 AM
@659: What a sweet comment! If he can heal from the past relationship to the point where he no longer describes his ex as a goldigger, etc., he will be an absolutely wonderful partner! A child can be a plus, a gift, and as a woman (unavailable), I LOVE the quiet ones who are secure and have nothing to prove. Best of wishes to you in finding a sweet woman who is beautiful in every way.
COMMENT 173745	2011-05-16 02:11 PM
Marty's right, EDC's TGIF is good. This month is CycleMAYnia -- any of those events, esp. Bike Moves would be good. If you have a negative attitude about bicycles or the people who ride them, try the YAF (Young Americans Foundation) -- they are more likely to be the sort of person you think is "nice". @173492P Your overall tone comes across as hostile to men; that immediately creates a barrier for you. As for sex -- men want it, and they want it early. If you have more to offer, they'll want you for that too, but being critical of men for being sex-driven is futile -- it's their nature.
COMMENT 173748	2011-05-16 02:15 PM
672: Don't assume the guy calls his ex that - friends are often more critical of exes than the person who was in the relationship. :) (Also, I see nothing wrong with calling someone that. It's not exactly date conversation, though.) I like the idea of going to Nite Movie/Sierra Hikes. I suppose, do what you like to do (like to shoot pool? like sports? Like movies?) & I'm sure you'll meet more like-minded people. Even those that aren't looking for relationships have friends who might be!
COMMENT 173752P	2011-05-16 02:23 PM
I really agree with so many of these comments about getting out and enjoying your life and your passions and knowing deep down that the right one will come along. That's exactly how I met my soulmate. Never would have thought in a million years we'd be a perfect match but we absolutely are. Don't judge a book by its cover and you never know who you might find in the person inside. One note is this: by not judging a book by its cover I found a man who is more than 20 years older than me. He wasn't looking for a "barbie" or against dating people his own age. So please don't judge all mean with younger female partners as those looking for nothing but sex and arm candy. If you believe all the beautiful things you guys are posting about finding your partner, you wouldn't judge them until you knew their story either :)
COMMENT 173807	2011-05-16 04:00 PM
volunteer at the Film Festival, Fiesta Days, Museum of natural History
COMMENT 173838P	2011-05-16 05:27 PM
Maybe Ed needs a "singles" section! Seems like perhaps a few matches could be made on here!
COMMENT 173870	2011-05-16 07:43 PM
Solstice Workshop!!
COMMENT 173872P	2011-05-16 08:12 PM
Dance classes. There are some pretty much every evening - filled with lots of fun people.
COMMENT 175377	2011-05-20 08:15 PM
Dating at that age is just like looking for a new job. Get yourself some new clothes, a haircut, and have your teeth whitened. Practice the potential questions you'll get on the first date and know exactly where you stand when it comes up (want kids, will you relocate, do the nasty on the first date, etc.) Then it's a numbers game: tell everyone you know that you're ready to settle down and will do a blind date with any recommended friends.Tell the lady at the checkout. Tell the married guy at the office. Tell your aunt in Seattle. Seriously, this has worked for several folks I know in their late 30s and 40s.
COMMENT 180628	2011-06-07 05:46 PM
Nite Moves is a great place to meet healthy nice people of all ages. I wholeheartedly agree. OH! and may I say one thing to both sexes, a little advice for dating: Two words: ORAL HYGIENE!!!! ---- Keep your breath clean, peeps! Nodody likes to go on a date with someone whose breath smells like roadkill. Puh-lease!