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Scanner Report - Oct. 29
updated: Oct 29, 2010, 6:50 AM

By Roger the scanner guy

Same Old Dirty Business, I don't know what's worse the gang problem, the homeless that refuse to conform to using a toilet, or digging a hole. The Neighborhood politics, their conflicts of interests, or the statement from the King of the Cacique Street Shelter that the problems of lower Milpas street has many causes that have nothing to do with the shelter. It's the same old solution nothing is going to change, it's just all lip service and a big show. Band-Aids will be placed over all of the problems and someday they will all be back. I wish the people that are going the bathroom outside would at least think of the children, and not doody where other people can come in contact with it. I know it's wrong for the powers that be not to have open bathrooms for those of us who are houseless not everyone without a home is a problem child in Santa Barbara. There are many that live in homes that are problem children too. I'm sorry to be so negative to those of you that know me, butt I've seen this all before and there really isn't much of a difference.

Someone always gets blamed usually the homeless. I know some of them are bad, really bad. But like any community there is good and there is bad. It's no use explaining the band-aids are out they are going to be placed, like they always are. Erection Day is right around the corner. It's funny how things can just sneak up on you like that. One minute your sitting there all peaceful and serene then WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU MAN! You voted how do you feel now? Well don't worry pretty soon you won't be able to walk. You can get one of those little electric scooters, to move around on. Pretty soon you'll be happy just like all the happy smiling people on the electric scooter commercials. Just pray to dog the depends don't leak, when your plugged in for a recharge.

Because you'll need a lot more than band aids to fix that problem Baby! And that is what will happen someday. Someone will be slapping a band-aid on a problem Santa Barbara has had for a hundred years, the ground will shake and there will be a loud sucking noise in the blink of an eye we will all be flushed down the San Andreas Fault. Same old manure different day. I hope you all have a frightful Halloweener. Mabel got a little pink fairy costume for Pooh Head, the cat and a Sarah Palin wig for herself I don't know why? We're not going anywhere. She's not even my girlfriend, girlfiend maybe.

I thought about buying a mask but my friend James who is one of the dozen or so managers at Rite Aide on South Milpas says I don't need a mask. He said that I'm big, ugly, and scary looking without a mask. And the indentation in the middle of my forehead makes me look really scary. Mabel will do what she always does she will have a drink, and another, and another, and then the drink will have her. She will pass out and in the morning when she comes to and looks in the mirror she will scream. Pooh Head and I will be watching that Academy Award winning movie the Fog, then Halloweener, we'll pass out. When Pooh Head comes to in the morning and looks in the mirror he will scream. But not me, I don't need a mask. Happy Halloweener Everyone.

Scanner Reports, Wednesday

Disoriented topless female on highway 1, just North of Constellation, right after that multiple traffic accidents in the same place. I heard someone say that a patrol car was also involved.

459 Investigation on Los Patos. 374 In progress in the parking lot ongoing problem reporting party willing to sign, 374? Going wee wee in public or the otter 2. Code blue in the county. On Lorraine Street a male using a gun to break all the windows in the house before deputies could arrive he took off in his metallic green van and headed to his parents home. Parking his van in the driveway he headed for the Douglas property and was captured on the beach by Chopper 1, and deputies.

At Nopal and Gutierrez a woman is selling her wares and it's snot Tupperware. At the Mission Ruins a police officer happened upon a homeless encampment. There was a 459 investigation to a vehicle at the police station.

A medical emergency at Amtrak for someone having seizures. City lot 3 a transient laying in the bicycle racks refusing to leave. 415 Transient preaching at passerby's 600 Block of State Street. 1000 Block of Chapala transient refusing to leave the salon, he just wants a makeover.

Someone called 911 and reported a man laying on the grass in the 600 Block of East Cabrillo smoking marijuana but the man was actually smoking a cigarette with cigarette tobacco in it. That sure sounds like an emergency to me. 400 Block of West Padre one neighbor threatening to stab the otter. Something weird was going on in the 700 Block of Cook. I don't know what? The police were on whatever it twas.

There was a suspect continually knocking on a door in the 300 Block of West Yanonali. In the 800 Block of Cheltenham a god barking for two hours. 15 to 17 Gang Types hanging out at Arts Market. Keep the Peace 1822 De La Vina. 1500 Block of San Pasqual threats investigation. Attempt 207 Kidnapping in Goleta. 23152 Drunk Driver South from 1100 North Milpas in a black Ford Ranger. Somewhere in the county did not catch location a pit bull killed another dog. 21 North Milpas at Little Cesars difficulty breathing. 107 Nopalitos transient sleeping in the post office. De La Vina and Haley suspicious subject climbing on construction equipment. Unknown 415 glass breaking in background Cottage Grove at De La Vina.

Cat Fight with pepper spray, two females De La Vina and Figueroa. Someone was getting ready to move into an apartment and found Goldilocks there 1500 Block of Cliff Drive.

Scanner Reports, Thursday

415 in De La Guerra Plaza dats all I turd. Large boulders in roadway fell off truck on Storke Road. 800 Block of Orange Ave 415 Domestic.

A medical emergency for a child at Peabody charter school with a head injury. 25 South Voluntario transient down on the sidewalk. On Via Real sounds like a overdose and 1144 Dead Body. Check the Welfare on Bath of a disabled person left in a car 2400 Block of Bath. 1200 Block of Alta Vista ex girlfiend refusing to leave.

Armed Robbery with a knife at the Good Karma Market 207 West Anapamu. 400 Block of Ruth Ave. 245 Assault with a deadly weapon, possibly a tool. Victim transported to hospital. On La Cumbre Dora an overdose on Xanex. Fire in Vandenberg. Body en route to coroner's office.

Medical emergency for seizures inside the store 2840 De La Vina. Out of nowhere this: "Could not handle the body, need a camera, confirmed 1144, Dead Body." Suspicious circumstances Black male left a black leather bag inside a fence in the 1000 Block of Santa Barbara Street filled with stereo equipment. Hazard investigation unknown substance leaking from a four door Toyota 800 Block of North Salsipuedes, it was soda pop. 2100 Block of Bath Street 459 to residence. Suspicious circumstances, male inside woman's restroom 600 Block of East Cabrillo.

There was a traffic accident in the 300 Block of West Haley, the DUI driver just wanted to go for a little drive. It sounded like he only got about 20 feet before he crunched into another vehicle. He got out of his vehicle and ran away south on Castillo leaving his 2006, Found On Road Dead AKA Ford behind. What on earth was he thinking? Maybe he went to the liquor is quicker store around the corner for a night cap, maybe that's where he was going in the first place. He came back and went to County Jail, the mansion on the HELL.

Another male in the woman's restroom call, this time at Amtrak. I wonder if it's the same guy. Fire and Medic's responding to Magnolia in Goleta for a child with a head injury. 23152 Beheading to County Jail, contact the Blood Nurse. There he goes on to County Jail HAPPY HALLOWEENER! Every time I hear a call for the Blood Nurse I get a shiver up my spine I'll probably be hearing it a lot this weekend since a lot of people think that they can drive under the influence without causing an accident. Speaking of witch two fellas crashed into a creek bed somewhere in the county I missed the location. The cop requested code 2 Medic's just to have them checked out. CHP was on a failure to yield 101 South from Mariposa 70 miles per hour.

Medical Emergency for a subject vomiting blood on West Mission. That usually comes with an ulcer usually from drinking alcohol, another reason why marijuana is better. Keep those medical costs down a little, when your stomach starts burning lay off the sauce and go see your doctor. There was a check the welfare of a man down next to a brown sofa, in the 100 Block of West Mission. He was unresponsive so it became a medical call. Something about a 415, Disturbing code 40 female in an apartment parking lot in the 600 Block of West Gutierrez. When there's alcohol involved one could pretty much figure out what happened. That's it for now butt there will be more a lot more that's one thing you can pretty much count on CRIME. Dog willing I'll see you on Monday. Roger


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