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Scanner Reports 1-11-17
updated: Jan 11, 2017, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Another HEMP Day, wish I had some, isn't Marijuana legal in California now? Maybe not in Santa Barbara where people fear the HIGH crime rates associated with getting HIGH. Beautiful Santa Barbara with its liquor stores and wall to wall State Street bars with far more inmates in its county jail who were under the influence of alcohol than marijuana, but we mustn't tell the kiddies or the tourists. Bunch of BULL MANURE. Since marijuana is now legal in the Great State of California, when are the stores going to open? Does anyone know? I guess we're going to have to travel to another town to buy it since many people here have severe cases of NIMBYism. By the way does anyone know where the NIMBY-HOLICS ANONYMOUS Meetings are? They are not for me I just like to know these things. I can handle a few slackers laying about in the yard but not any tourists, or business people, NOT IN MY BACK YARD! NO SIREEE!!! BOB, or George.

So every time I hear of prowling thieves in Santa Barbara breaking into vehicles, homes, businesses, or stealing packages, shoplifting. they all carry black backpacks. I brought this up before and people got mad at me for mentioning it but I cannot help what I hear on the scanner, (blame the Dispatchers they are the ones saying it). Maybe we should make up another color so people don't get bent out of shape over the FACT that many crooks carry black backpacks. I used to have a red one. I don't have one now but if I did it would never be black, never. I already have long hair and a beard and people think I'm a marijuana smoking homeless hippy. I think I'd get a purple backpack, or maybe pink with Sunflowers on it anything but black I don't want to be stereotyped for crying out loud. You can always tell a crook they carry black backpacks by golly gee! 

Well more rain, I'd be happy if it just kept raining forever. Dog knows we could use the water for all the building, drinking, watering and cleaning going on. People are doing it anyway why not do it with more and cheaper we could use aHELL of a lot of rain 400 Days, and nights worth would be great. The Turd refuge might even get cleaner on its own, no one would have to go out there in a little motor boat and "putt putt putt" around in the pond to make it smell better.

Scanner Reports, MONday:

  • Female refusing to leave Starbucks in the 800 Block of State street cussing Hi Ho and Away!
  • Another female refusing to leave Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in the 800 Block of State street.
  • Subject with large knife in his pocket in the 500 Block of Linden in Carp.
  • Rollover wreck found upside down off Milpas, I hope they remembered to report it stolen.
  • Reported from Rape Crisis occurred unknown location but report came through County Sheriff Dispatch.
  • Gas odor outside a residence 2500 Block of Cliff Drive Fire department shut gas off.
  • Attempted Burglary to a van 100 Block of South Soledad, but stopped cold by Husband with a gun the Crooks ran away from the scene wearing their cute little black backpacks.
  • 300 Block of La Marina non injury hit and run suspect vehicle a White extended cab Ford pickup with passenger side damage.
  • Phone stolen 100 Block of Holly being tracked, near the railroad tracks.
  • Medical Call across from Tri-County Produce man Down, AMR Pickup engine 2 canceled.
  • Package thieves on the lower East Side on Salinas streets, and Voluntario Area arrested after a search on La Cadana. One of their black backpacks left behind was also found.
  • Creep in a Black sedan with tint windows WMA attempted to lure 10-year-old female into his vehicle at Wye Road and Via Lucero, I remember this happened a ways back also same area maybe a year ago. 
  • Jack in the box 500 Block of Milpas 2 Males arguing.
  • Medical Call County Jail 4436 Calle Real.
  • Assault/ Robbery Victim 1200 Block of DLV Head injury transported to Cottage Hospital.
  • Medical Call Salvation Army.
  • Domestic Violence in the 7600 Block of Hollister.
  • Vehicle theft 4700 Block of Sandyland. 
  • Transients refusing to leave 7-11, 331 West Montecito.
  • Found Property on the MILPAS UNDERPANTS.
  • Medical call broken hand at the Mobil station 2299 Los Positas. 
  • Burglary to a residence in the 800 Block of Cliff Drive.
  • Audible Alarm Far West Gun Shop 2009 State street. 
  • Domestic fight in the 200 Block of Oceano

Scanner Reports, TUESday:

  • Non-injury accident front of the junior high 700 Block of East Cota vehicle vs pedestrian.
  •  Male and a female arguing on the Basketball courts at Ortega Park. 
  • Subjects yelling at the security guard near Rite Aide 35 South Milpas then they went into Rite Aide probably for some ice cream.
  • Subject trespassing on someone's property 300 Block of West Alamar.
  • Vandalism call 5700 Block of Hollister.
  • Driver (Drunk) Tan Hyundai sedan East On Haley from State street.
  • Probation check 300 Block of West Pedregosa.
  • 154 at Painted Cave vehicle that went over the side last week was reported to still be over the side this week.
  • 600 Block of East Micheltorena Burglary investigation. 
  • At the .99 Cent store someone got spit on.
  • Medical Call Northwest Corner of Ortega Park possible code 40, Head injury reported by Probation Unit.
  • Somewhere in Los Padres Forest possibly near Figueroa Mountain a large abandoned campfire near to an empty 8 man grey and orange tent it was to be reported to law enforcement also. But a Forrest Fire unit was responding to put it out.
  • Suspicious subject walking along trying door handles on Cota toward Olive street, LOCK YOUR VEHICLE DOORS.
  • Juvenile throwing firecrackers on a street from a roof on Jasmine, SBSO Call.
  • White van Westbound on Cliff from Cliff and Meggs, Chevy swerving registered to an address in the 500 Block of Bath street.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject in a white Range Rover who hit an animal and is very upset crying Fairview and Hollister.
  • Domestic fight Magnolia and Hollister over child custody. 
  • Assault in the 1200 Block of Cravens Lane.
  • Highway 246 at McMurry black Ford Escape driving slowly Driver appears DUI Pulling into the Jack in the Box.
  • Another Spitter at the Verizon Store 600 Block of State a Customer spit on an employee of the Verizon store, a lot of people don't know it but spitting on someone is Assault.

Been thinking about this thing that occurred last year across the street at Circle K. One of those things I think about makes me laugh still. I went into Circle K. To get a soda pop I had my scanner in my back pocket I usually cover my scanner but I guess I forgot this time. There was a guy getting coffee he looked like convict of the year he had muscles all over the place he had a hard intimidating stare could burn right through you. As I turned I noticed he was staring right at me he growled, "Your that guy who thinks he's a cop aren't you?" I thought, "Oh shirt I'm gonna get my ass kicked." I went to say "No, not me." But as he went to pour the creamer he was holding onto his coffee he poured it all over the floor as he was still giving me that hard stare, then he promptly slipped and fell on his rump not to be confused with Trump, in it. He tried to get up but kept slipping in it and ended up mooning me and the cashier. I was trying to keep a straight face and not laugh cause I did not want to piss him off more but couldn't I started laughing.

I think at that point the guy was more embarrassed than mad I got the hell outta there. If he knew who I was it means he probably reads the Scanner Reports and though he might use me as a punching bag for writing about it I still think it's funny as Hell. Jus one of those things that makes me laugh still Memories that make you laugh are good...Have a Great Hemp Day! Belinda, Angel Baby, Pooh Bear, Clancy, Jerry, Poncho, Jonathan, Stan, Carl, Brad, Bill, Walter, Fred, C.J., Isabelle and Jerry, John Hancock, Mickey Mantle, and Ernie Banks, Willing we will see you on FRYday.  Later,  Roger


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