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Scanner Reports 7-16-14
updated: Jul 16, 2014, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Wednesday Hump Day. I was talkin' to my Ma the other day. She's pretty fed up with her kids; me and my three Sistas because we're not doing the "mini her" dance for her. If we were we'd be good middle to senior aged adults. Her psycho therapist told her that she just needs to get away from her kids and she will be normal everything will be all right, etc. After I got off the phone with her I got a good laugh outta that "Just get away from your kids you'll be fine." Those therapists sure got a racket; they tell the parents to get away from their kids, and they tell the kids to get away from the parents. Then someone writes them a check the next week they do it all again.

My back's been itching like hell lately. I found one of those bamboo back scratchers in a dollar store and itched the hell outta my back with it now I got bumps all over my back I have no idea why, or what they are. What I really hate about getting older is your skin goes to hell you get all these bumps and irritations, dry skin everything itches you scratch,scratch,scratch, there is no end. It's like having the crabs all over your body and I'm not talking about the ones from the sea food counter. Damn scrap I wish they were those crabs I'm kinda hungry.

I got this cool shower head from Amazon, Magic Showers it's called. It has this led light with different colors thru the water it's like Disco in the Shower not only do I feel like singing, I feel like doing a little dancing. There's nothing wrong with it no one can see me dancing and singing in the shower. Anyway I've had this shower thingy a few weeks and I was looking in the shower a little while ago and there's this part of the shower floor that's cleaner than the rest that's where the lights reflect off the shower floor I sure hope they are not doing that to my brain, oh well.

Here is Thy Blessed Scanner Roni Reports, Monday:

  • 484 Theft of a car stereo from a car in the 1500 Block of Bath Street.
  • Subjects possibly juveniles lighting fires in the street 600 Block of Palm sounds like County not City.
  • Fall Victim with a head injury Val Verde.
  • Someone using a walker left a deposit of bodily waste in front of Saks.
  • Vehicle accident just North of Santa Lucia over the side.
  • Vehicle on sidewalk blocking in the 1100 Block of Punta Gorda.
  • Illegal Camper in the entrance to the old post office 18 South Milpas.
  • Fire Alarms 6th Floor of the Balboa building no fire.
  • Non-injury accident vehicle vs pedestrian 100 Block of Fairview.
  • 20002 Hit and Run investigation at 5 Points parking lot.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject behind a Laundromat in the 5600 Block of Hollister.
  • Theft investigation 1500 Block of Castillo.
  • Code 40, Drunk 800 Block of Spring Street.
  • Check the Welfare of a man 6 feet 200 pounds punching a tree at Montecito and Alisos.
  • Parking violator 100 block of West Victoria. Subject violated the 75 minute limit. I think they are going to set up a perimeter around the car until the SWAT team can arrive with the Bearcat to give this sinner a ticket.
  • 484 Theft of a scooter in the county.
  • Fire Alarms in the 200 Block of South Milpas.
  • Fire Alarms 1300 Block of Patos. No fires either places.
  • A 6 foot tall jerk with curly brown hair grabbed an item out of an employee's hand and shoved her in the 100 Block of North Milpas.
  • SBSO went on a Foot Pursuit on a man who was carrying a big knife in the 5900 Block of Birch. They set up a perimeter a copter joined in along with a K-9 God but I think the guy got away.
  • In the 1100 Block of Cacique a woman who was cutting down her neighbors plants was threatening to also cut off his fingers it's too bad she's 70, if she was 50 I might ask her out.
  • Theft of a Bicycle in I.V.
  • Suspicious Circumstances 5399 Overpass Road on a possible subject who struck a dog physically.
  • Medical Emergency on an Amtrak train seizures.
  • Didn't get the address on this but two men were fighting over laundry and one of the men said to the other, "I'm going to come back later and we are going to settle this like "Real Men." I bet that guy drives a real big pickup truck.
  • Subject down 800 Block of Garden.
  • Montecito at Castillo another subject down.
  • Medical Emergency for an unresponsive subject down in a driveway 300 Block of West Montecito.
  • Dog Fight involving 2 dogs on Tagazzni, County.
  • 415 Fight or an argument over a dog Fight at Veronica and Del Mar.
  • Code 40, Drunk at Cottage ER Ready for the sober center.
  • 415 Over a dog 3700 Block of Gregory Way People are always fighting over religion.
  • 594 Vandalism possibly a broken window to an MTD Bus near Trader Joes on South Milpas.
  • 3 Juveniles in the street wearing dark clothing 400 Block of Milky Way.

    Scanner Roni Reports, Tuesday:

  • The Coppers put out a Be on the Lookout for a man wanted for Domestic Violence possibly carrying a .45 caliber revolver. He is 5'3 180 pounds with tats driving a Black Tahoe that is not his partial plate of 4RRA53? He was BORN IN 1977, so around 37 years old. Elvis died that year. Anyway if you see him report him.
  • 4 Homeless males with open containers drinking and refusing to leave the back parking lot of the Santa Cruz Market in the 300 Block of West Montecito Street. Santa Cruz Market "YOU CAN'T BEAT THEIR MEAT" I always wanted one of those tee shirts.
  • 1400 Block of Lou Dillon medical emergency seizures.
  • Runaway vehicle into a tree K-Mart parking lot in Goleta unknown if injury.
  • Hazard investigation in the area of 2700 El Prado chemical odor in the area the fire department says it's a construction project.
  • 4401 Calle Real at the veterans clinic heart problems.
  • 1144 Death on a Bus Bench in the 3900 Block of State Street.
  • 484 Theft at Maple and Carpinteria Ave. in Carpinteria.
  • 23103 reckless driver coming off Milpas Southbound exit off 101 onto Milpas a black Escalade.
  • Smoke investigation in the 2500 Block of Selrose.
  • 900 Block of Saint Mary's Lane theft of a ring.
  • 10851 Investigation at the city police station.
  • Homeless person walking in the middle of a street yelling, "Someone hit me!" I missed the location of that.
  • There was a medical emergency at the home of a subject who attempted suicide by cop before and they had a bow and arrow in their closet.
  • SBPD unit to assist Mary 6 on a subject with warrants in the Carrillo underpass.
  • DLV at Anapamu medical emergency for a subject with diabetic problems.
  • Found property at the Harbor Patrol office 132 Harbor Way possibly to do with a theft.
  • 300 Block of Highway 246 Stove fire possibly in a trailer.
  • SBPD doing a lot of traffic stops all over town.
  • Medical Emergency at Green House Software on West Sola for an unconscious 20 year old male.
  • 20002 Hit and Run 2900 Block of DLV Suspect driving grey Dodge Ram registered out of Paseo Robles.
  • Traffic Stop on an electric bicycle 1800 Block of State Street.
  • 459 Burglary to a residence in the 600 Block of Sutton.

    Will that's it outta me for now have a great Hump Day Wednesday and Doggie Willing we will see you on FRYday. Later, Roger


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