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Scanner Reports 5-7-14
updated: May 07, 2014, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Wednesday and Hump day all at the same time; how Amazing is that? I was feeling fine the other day; went to Rite Aid to load up on stuff, got everything I needed, standing in line. This woman cut in front of the guy ahead of me. I see his face go from a smile to a frown but he ain't gonna say anything, he has class. She looks back at him and gets outta line, walking away like she forgot something. I notice her speaking with this little old lady, probably her mother. Mom's headed for the line and cuts right in front of me. Now I ain't smiling no more either I'm thinking WOODCHIPPER, but I gotta be nice. Mother's Day is coming up can't put no one's Mama in the Woodchipper. Then the daughter's walking back and I give her the Look because I know these two are up to No Good. The daughter grabs her mother and starts apologizing to me, and I say "No it's all right go ahead." I didn't want either one of them behind me. More people get in line the cashier requests another cashier I didn't know it then but the con was being played on the store. They took their sweet old time buying some items exchanging others, back and forth for about 20 minutes. I was watching but as far as I could tell they were just exchanging water. I couldn't get the woodchipper thought outta my head because I almost married a woman who had a Mama like that once, always had some con up their sleeves. They left and I got done doing my stuff, ran it home. I brought the cart right back and noticed the daughter still trucking around the parking lot a bit. I don't know their con but know they did something besides cut in line. We will all find out about it later I'm sure be one of those hits where nobody knew what hit him just like me. I have no idea now just know something went down.

I did a little bit of store security in my time I wasn't very good at it because I felt sorry for people. I got conned a couple times worse thing about working store security is when you catch an employee 9 times outta 10 management lets them go and puts them back to work and you're told to leave them alone. I caught a janitor stealing gold chains from Robinsons once. He got to keep his job. Caught a department manager ready to retire ripping off JC Penny's; same thing. I pretty much gave up doing store security after those experiences. I was always good at spotting the thefts not so good at doing it myself till I started drinking then it was like I remembered everything I ever saw and I was a good little thief but only did it when I was in need of substance, alcohol and cigarettes. And most of the time I went back on pay day, admitted to it and paid it back. Those were part of the Old Days my Old Ways when I drank don't do that anymore and I'm glad. I hate to see others do it though especially when they come close to dying like a friend did the other night.

Alcoholics think they are indestructible. They think as long as they drink a certain way that they will not get sick. Of course once in a great while they forget the ingredients of a good safe drunk as my friend did the other night. Usually this person can pound the whiskey with little or no effect other than a good buzz after a couple hours of this they crawl into their nest and pass out. But it didn't work that way the other night. I found them slumped over and unresponsive it was like they were having a stroke. I sure did not want to call 911 but I did fully expecting a few laps around the yard with the guys in the white coats. Of course they were very professional they took my buddy away and I felt sad but through the years I have seen many go through this including myself. Some died and I was sad but the Sun always came up again sooner or later. My friend was ok this time. Those nurses at Cottage really took care of him. Then there was a Security Guard named David he had a long talk with. It seems David the Security Guard is a fan of Edhat and Roger Dodger. That was nice to hear. Even more so my friend was ok because when he was being taken away he was grey in the gills and I thought he'd be a corpse today. It seems they can work miracles in that hospital. My friend came back another chance to quit the sauce, I hope he does it but have my doubts as many did for me though I think about it sometimes I haven't felt the need to drink that poison over 11 years now and hope I never do again.

Here's your Scanner Roni Reports, Monday:

  • 415 Domestic 242 boy hits woman, Waller Park.
  • 800 Block of Hot Springs 459 Burglary.
  • Subject drinking alcohol in a Laundromat. I used to do that when I was washing my clothes, gets boring.
  • 20002 Non-injury hit and Run 400 East Montecito.
  • 484 Theft of Avocados
  • Medical Emergency seizures 900 Block of Castillo.
  • 1145 Suicidal subject in IV.
  • Man takes a leak in the park Ortega Park.
  • Bicyclist down 500 Block of Garden Street.
  • Theft of fuel from tanks Ord Street in the county.
  • Drunk at Cost Co on a bicycle last seen headed toward Storke.
  • Domestic Violence investigation at the station.
  • Southbound at Padaro number one lane lays a ladder.
  • 10851 Stolen Auto white 2006 Toyota from area of Grey and Yananoli.
  • Alert 2 at the airport plane gear collapses minor injury.
  • 1145 Suicide attempt subject jumps from moving vehicle La Marina at Del Sol.
  • Appliance fire in a bakery 1200 Block of Coast Village Circle.
  • Medical emergency First south Alisos subject with DT's.
  • Check the Welfare of a dog locked in a Chevy Silverado at an Albertsons in the county.
  • Unknown type medical emergency 101 northbound off-ramp at Pueblo.
  • Code 40 Drunk Canon Perdido at DLV.
  • Trespasser on the roof 617 State Street probably getting ready to go to sleep, I hear a few trespasser on roof calls.

    Scanner Roni Reports, Tuesday:

  • 101 Southbound South of Milpas 3 vehicle accident, slow traffic.
  • Report of a male throwing trash and grocery cart in the street Anacapa at Anapamu police were unable to locate.
  • Check the Welfare of a man down near MTD.
  • Check the welfare of a drunk down near Forever 21 holding a bottle of whiskey near Canon Perdido and State Street.
  • East Side attempt 459 Burglary to a residence.
  • Thomas at Valerio 3 males homeless loitering in the street.
  • Report of a subject near West Camino Cielo and 154 with a compound fracture to an ankle. Bones sticking out. Sounds like a possible hiking accident.
  • Report of 2 Shotgun Blasts heard in the 3800 Block of Foothill bright and early in the morning.
  • Threats investigation on Majestic Drive 500 Block.
  • I have no idea where this occurred possibly Uranus but a man called county dispatch and stated he was shot in the head by aliens.
  • 484 Shoplifting at El Rancho Market in Solvang.
  • Power outage in Goleta traffic lights affected.
  • Medical Emergency for an ill subject in the 5500 Block of Hollister.
  • Report of a possible electrical fire in the 5600 Block of Calle Real.
  • Elder Abuse investigation in the Lobby SBSO.
  • Stalking investigation also in the Lobby SBSO Station.
  • Unknown if injury traffic accident Tallant at Los Positas airbag deployed pregnant female in one of the vehicles.
  • Report of subjects throwing lit cigarettes in the trash cans on State Street.
  • Traffic accident Hollister at Magnolia in Goleta.
  • Elderly fall victim Ralphs 100 West Carrillo.

    Will that's all outta me for now. Had a friend arrested last week for an old traffic warrant from LA County. He had just got off work when he was arrested. He's out now and he told me that he never wants to go back to jail again but said that the SBPD were really nice to him even though they arrested him, and the Jailers at County and SBSO personnel was really nice to him also they were all business he said. He added that LAPD jailers were mean. So there ya have it; the cops are nicer here but I always knew that. Have a Great Hump Day and Dog willing we will see you on FRYday. Later, Roger


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