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Scanner Reports 4-4-14
updated: Apr 04, 2014, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

FRYday, FRYday,FRYday, Thank Dog it's FRYday. I noticed something kinda funny the other day in Trader Joe's while I was doing my choplifting. There were people walking around gabbing on cell phones and some of them were walking into one another. I never noticed that before. Two of them walked into me at the same time. One woman walked into me a couple times as well as into my cart and I thought she was coming on to me until I saw her jawing away on that cell phone. They reminded me of these toys I had as a kid. They were mostly battery operated cars, trucks, and trains. When you turn them on, off they went by themselves and when they ran into something they would slowly turn around and go the other way. That's how these people at Trader Joe's moved too, very slowly as if they were really robots. Maybe they did not have their Starbucks yet. No wonder there are a lot of accidents in Santa Barbara. I still see people jawing it up on their cell phones when they drive, no one cares about who's in their way. They run into them slowly, turn around, and split. Some people hang out and exchange information but no one would have to do that if they just paid attention to what they are doing.

Reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom would be on the landline first thing in the morning gabbing away while downing numerous cups of Lipton tea and chain smoking L&M's. One time while melting my shoe polish down to shine em pretty for military school, the fire got a little out of hand. My room was basically on fire. I went into the kitchen to tell her to call the Fire Department and she just kept talking away with a big ear to ear brainless smile across her face. I had to scream at her several times before I broke through. The best part was yet to come. She was running down the hall towards the room with all these firemen right behind her and was only wearing a pink silk robe. She tripped and the robe flew off. There she was totally naked, a couple of the firemen ran into her, at 43 she still looked good to them anyway. Boy was she angry at me for years after that she told everyone I tried to burn down her house because she sent me to military school. But I got her back in other ways for military school, the fire was an accident. The only other time I was ever able to get her attention while she gabbed on the telly phone was the time I got a hold of one of her cigarettes emptied out the tabacco and filled it with cigarrete loads. Cigarette loads were these little sticks that blew up, actually it was more like a pop! And it would shock the smoker a little but you never put more than one cigarette load into a cigarette, I put in a whole tin. Like 15 of them I knew one would not get my mother's attention. I filled the cigarette up there was still a little room for tobacco I pushed it down with a pencil packed it good and placed it in her pack, but make sure the cigarette was sticking out. I sat and waited and watched. A few moments later right after putting out her last cigarette, she pulled it out of the pack and lit it the 2nd long draw she took off it went off. They all blew up at the same time she dropped the phone, when the smoke cleared there were little bits of burnt cigarette paper in her hair, what was left of the cigarette was hanging out of her mouth. She looked totally shocked. She really wasn't all that angry, she didn't yell maybe it was because she couldn't hear too well after that. She couldn't send me back to military school that time because I had been kicked out, they had to think of something else to do with me. Funny how those robots talking on their little cell phones could bring back such good memories.

Here's your Scanner Reports, Wednesday:

  • Vehicle accident on the Cabrillo Ball Field near the gate.
  • 500 Block of Santa Barbara street 415 roommates.
  • Purse stolen from a vehicle 100 Block of St. Ives.
  • Male in Los Olivos driving a grey sports car stealing UPS packages off doorsteps.
  • Code 40, Drunk down Parking lot 3 1000 Block of Chapala.
  • Medical Emergency 2 year old child suffering seizures 1500 San Pasqual.
  • Motorcycle vs vehicle Carrillo Underpass.
  • Dirt on the road Catherial Oaks at Camino Del Remido.
  • Homeless guy in a wheelchair wearing a cast on his leg yelling at passerbys Cota at State street.
  • Code 40, Drunk Homeless guy refusing to leave 2000 Block of Cliff Drive.
  • Medical Emergency for an unconscious teenager at Chick-Filet in the 3700 Block of State street.
  • 415 Argurment over a vehicle accident 5000 Carpinteria Ave, Carpinteria.
  • Medical Emergency seizures at Pershing Park.
  • Hazard Condition large amount of water coming from residence in the 900 Block of Olive street turned out to be a broken sprinkler system.
  • Vehicle over the side 1700 Block of highway 154, women uninjured about 150 feet down I bet that was a HELL of a ride.
  • In the 500 Block of Cornal a subject unknown to the reporting party walked into their home stepped into a cardboard box and started yelling. That would be kinda freaky I would think.
  • 415 Neighbors on La Marina.
  • Suicide attempt overdose on Vanguard in the county.
  • On Covington Way another suicide attempt by lacerations.
  • 415 Fight in front of the James Joyce involving a woman 417 Brandishing a knife by swinging it, 3 people were detained I don't know if anyone was arrested.
  • Incident on top of Parking Lot 10 where an officer requested backup I don't know what the incident was.

    Scanner Reports, Thursday:

  • SBPD on a group of subjects 101 Southbound off ramp.
  • SBPD Officer on a pedestrian Garden street at the RR tracks.
  • Smoke investigation first block of East Sola.
  • 415 Landlord Tenent over excessive speed in the parking lot. Tenent was doing aprox. 40mph Landlord blocked him in 800 Block of Cliff Drive.
  • Code 40, female yelling near Rite Aide 35 South Milpas.
  • 101 Northbound on ramp Milpas traffic accident Fire and Medics responded but it was non injury.
  • 459 Investigation Burglary to a residence 3000 Block of Samarkland Drive.
  • 415 at Motel 6 in the 400 Block of Corona Del Mar subject entered reporting parties room and threatened them.
  • Premise check highway 101 Los Positas overcrossing and the tracks.
  • 415 Homeless subject yelling at Passerbys at Alameda Park.
  • SBPD Transporting a subject to the 1400 Block of Las Positas Place to locate property.
  • 211 Silent Alarm went off at Union Bank on Coast Village Road but there was no robbery.
  • Door to Door Crook in the area of Peabody school telling potential victims that he is selling items for a fundraiser for UCSB. UCSB was contacted and stated there was no fundraiser at this time suspect red hair, blue eyes black shirt with tye dye design on it.
  • SBPD on a detail at Cottage hospital E.R.
  • Medical emergency for a man down Airport and G Streets.
  • 415 Verbal argurment between reporting party and their Granny at the Laundrymat in the 4000 Block of Calle Real, RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!
  • Medical emergency on the pool deck at the YMCA Unknown type medical emergency 36 Hitchcock Way.
  • Guadalupe at Divison in Guadalupe Traffic Accident.

    Will that's enough outta me for now Have a Lovely Weekend and Dog Willing We Will see you on Monday. Later, Roger


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