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Scanner Reports 3-26-14
updated: Mar 26, 2014, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Will Howdy Doo, it's Humpster Day! Man since I got bit by that darn Spider I'm totally freaking out. I change my shirts 3 or 4 times a day, my panties a couple at least. I got the Creepy Crawling Feeling all over me and then there's my hair, The Mother Web. I even get close to the bushes I Imagine seeing the little Bass Turds jumping into my hair going for a little ride or just to set up shop. After all, my hair looks like a giant white spider web. If I was a spider I'd squat on my head, in all that beautiful hair! For real though I've ran my hair into those bushes before getting too close and I'm surprised I haven't been bitten before now all over the place! I have had bites here and there but nothing that made me so ill I had to take the antibiotics. Right after the bite without skipping a beat, shingles. This is quite the experience I knew with all that pain something was wrong, even if others thought different. Sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself and say "HEY! Wait a minute there..." I know I'm Nuts! But I ain't Nuts right now!

Some people just wait for that kinda opportunity to come along and I think a couple came outta the woodwork and did just that. You can always tell who your real friends are when things ain't going so well it's like the Sick Fish in the fish tank when a fish is ill all the other fish dis him they stay away. I got some good close friends though they always been there for me and they are crazy too, but not crazy right now.

I was reading an article the other day about something that happened in my neighborhood recently and the person that wrote the article said that some other person broke the story of this incident that occurred in my HOOD. Actually I broke the story but that don't seem to matter anymore. I always seem to get run down by the BIGGER GUYS. I can't possibly break every story that comes along but when I do break one and someone else gets the credit for it I get a little miffed.

I got ripped off last week too just goes to show ya when you're down the scavengers come out. Will those suckers might get a big surprise when they turn on that Wet and Dry Vac and figure out there's no "Wet filter" in there just ruin it right off and have to dump it. I hate when you get ripped off but you think you misplaced the thing whatever it is, or was and spend days, weeks, months, looking for it. One time this gal got me for 1800.00 Dollars cash, I stashed it in a hole in the wall of this apartment I lived in the woman was staying with me I told her if something happened to me, to get the money and pay rent, buy food etc she did; somewhere else. But still to this day 25 years later I still search boxes of my things for that money even though deep down I know it's gone and she took it. She even admitted taking it years later but still I search. I'm not going to be looking for that Wet and Dry Vac very long. A few months down the road I'll probably buy another one and keep it locked up in the garage.

Speaking of thefts I think they have been up a bit lately so don't leave things outside unless you want to lose them, actually leave things outside that you've been trying to get rid of that don't work. That would be kinda funny and a good way to get rid of unwanted scrap. One of my neighbors does that, someone ripped something off from outside his home and since then he's been putting stuff out there he don't want, but I think it would be even better to put things out that don't work. Some idiot taking it to a fence and trying to sell it. Phony body parts in a suitcase would be pretty funny. Imagine the look on someone's face when they opened that suitcase up to see what they got? Heeheehee.

Will Anyway Here's your Scanner Roni Reports, Monday:

  • 594 Vandalism in the 3600 Block of State Street.
  • Possible 484 of I-Pad investigation a staff member of the Cacique Street Shelter called in on a resident who might have stolen an I-Pad.
  • Abandoned vehicle in the 1400 Block of Euclid.
  • Man down code 40, Drunk 331 West Montecito.
  • Possible 261 Rape investigation front of the shelter 816 Cacique reported by a 5150. I think most people who have just been raped fit the 5150 category.
  • Harbor Patrol has a code 40, Drunk that possibly needs to go to the sober center.
  • Medical Emergency for seizures in front of the Shoreline CafĂ© 800 Block of Shoreline.
  • 6700 Block of Trigo 459 Burglary.
  • Bicyclist down 100 Block of Castillo.
  • 5700 Block of Hollister man sleeping behind a dumpster.
  • Medical Emergency for a fall victim in the 1200 Block of Cacique.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject in a back parking lot in the 1900 Block of San Pasqual who wandered into traffic under the Mission underpass.
  • 415 Music 500 Block of Fairmount.
  • Garden at Cabrillo male in his 50's yelling near the Visitors Center.
  • 261 Rape Investigation occurred in a Motel on West Cabrillo.
  • Cota at State Street group of subjects loitering blocking the sidewalk one wearing a pink hat. I did not know it was against the law to wear a pink hat I'll have to get me one.
  • Possible Stalker on Victoria Street watching a female from a grey BMW.
  • Cottage Hospital a Code 40, Drunk was threatening to shoot employees but no gun was seen.
  • 101 Northbound onramp a brown and white medium sized dog was seen entering the Northbound onramp. I hope he changed his mind.
  • 245 With a knife Cota and Garden.
  • Anacapa entrance to parking lot 11 Report of 5 males yelling.
  • 211 in IV, All I heard don't know if it was the machete attack or what.
  • Report of a grey Dodge pickup truck cruising around the Mesa with the driver a female in her 50's with a grey pony tail tied back punching a passenger. There were several reporting parties who witnessed the beatings and reported what they saw to 911. SBPD searched the areas reported for a while but I don't know if they ever caught up with the truck.

    Scanner Roni Reports, Tuesday:

  • Road Rage someone in a black Toyota chasing another vehicle from SBHS around the corner toward Canon Perdido.
  • 4000 Block of Highway 154 report of someone thrown from a horse.
  • 140 Highway 246 vehicle into the Buellton Post Office non-injury traffic accident.
  • Hollister at Turnpike vehicle accident unknown if injury.
  • Medical Emergency unknown type in the 4400 Block of Calle Real.
  • Smoke check in the 700 Block of Yananoli turned out to be coming from Mission Linen.
  • Code 2 Medical in the 500 Block of Yananoli for leg pain.
  • Unknown type 415 Disturbance at 30 Winchester Canyon.
  • Somewhere on the Tunnel Trail a 415 argument or fight over a dog bite.
  • Fall victim head injury 2100 Block of Chapala.
  • 415 in the 800 Block of North Milpas over the attempted theft of a bicycle.
  • Reckless driver possibly drunk on Linden in Carpinteria, out of state plates.
  • Female associated with an RV in the parking lot of Smart and Final involved in theft of alcohol from that store. If you Like Smart and Final on Facebook they will give you 10 Bucks off your next bill no reason to steal.
  • Medical Emergency for a 30 year old female who was passed out in the Ladies restroom in the Library 40 East Anapamu after she was huffing some unknown chemical. When she came to and realized Fire and Medics had been called she took off Southbound on Anacapa she was breathing normally when she left.
  • Juvenile attempted 459 Burglary from a weight Room in the 200 Block of Pacific Oaks.
  • Vehicle vs motorcycle Santa Barbara street and Haley.
  • In the 800 Block of San Pasqual a subject tried to kick a 6 year old child then hit their parent with his car.
  • On Romano Canyon Trail in the park at least 2 vehicles broken into.
  • Suspicious Circumstances at the Rehab Center 2415 DLV.
  • Hazardous Condition at Cat Canyon they did not say what.
  • Keep the Peace at Cabrillo High School Subject is attempting to pick up her daughter and school officials will not let her that is all I heard about that.

    Will that is all outta me for now. I'll tell you this hair in the bushes thing is really freaking me out and I'm thinking of cutting my hair. But if I do I want to see if I can donate it to someone with cancer if possible. I haven't totally decided to go Overweight Michael Bolton yet but I'm seriously thinking about it. Someone might think I'm a prowler around here and call the Law as my face hasn't been seen in years. Oh Well I still don't know. Have a Great Hump Day and Dog Willing We will see you on FRYday. Later, Roger


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