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Scanner Report 1-22-14
updated: Jan 22, 2014, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Wednesday, Happy Humpy Day for those of you into that sort of thing. I used to be but then I got old, ugly, and grouchy. Which is a Good thing because my cat is that way too. He probably says the same thing about me to his cat friends. "My Human" Like I'm his slave or something. I only wait on him and feed him because I like to, not because I have to. And he's kinda retired anyways. But when he was younger he was one kick ars little dude. Kinda funny how me and him hooked up. They say the cat picks the human, the human don't pick the cat. I'm not sure how true that is but it could be in this case or it coulda happened another way. Twenty or so years ago this woman and I was living in Sin, BOY! Were We! We celebrated Hump Day every Wednesday and just in case we forgot we celebrated it the rest of the Week too. Anyways, she had 2 cats I had one, or they had us. Clancy, Shadow, and Freddy. Freddy was a pure white Angel looking kitty. He was the youngest, craziest, of course the most active. He strayed too far from home and got his self a case of feline leukemia, he spread it on to our other kitties.

There ain't nothing more heartbreaking than losing a cat, or a dog, or some other critter that has chosen you to take care of them, losing a couple at the same time is real bad. Shadow and Clancy were a little older and they both had to be put down it was real sad. Freddy got through all the treatments and lived to be an old cat. Me and the gal busted up; my drinking career wasn't over and she loved drugs, when we split up and moved away from each other she kept the place for a while. She had to rent a room to make ends meet and roommates can be kinda weird. She got this one fella who decided he was gonna beat me up, he was a Doctor too. Fighting a doctor is bad karma anyway he kept hitting me so I kicked his ars. She had all these other roomies they never worked out. She moved but the place she moved to didn't allow cats so Freddy went to the shelter. It was real sad for her to put him in there but we couldn't live together The Way We Were, so that's the way it was. After the time came to put Freddy down, she paid for his board and care until someone would adopt him.

A couple years down the road I got this place down on South Milpas, after I moved down here I found out someone adopted old Freddy and they lived in the 200 Block of South Milpas. I saw old Freddie here and there but he never came up to me. Cats are smart and I think he hated me for leaving the little woman. A year or so after I moved in here there was a gal who was homeless but had this need for family so she hooked up with a jerk and moved into a little trailer next door on the next property over. She got a dog, and a cat at the shelter then a couple months later gave birth to a tiny little baby. The trailer they lived in was smaller than my 10x10 foot studio, she was in that little trailer with a dog, a cat, a man, and a baby, and the man was a real butthead he knocked her and the animals around. Another cat started hanging out around here her name was Angel Baby; she was a beautiful little calico.

Anyways the cat next door got tired of getting beat up so he packed up and moved in with me and Angel Baby. The dog got hit and killed by a freight train at Milpas and the tracks while Mama, Dada, and baby were going to the beach. Not too long after that the police started asking around about Bonnie and Clyde. That wasn't their real names but might as well have been; they was crooks. Bonnie gave me the kitty, his name was "Pooh Bear" she told me he was born in the cat shelter in Goleta to two white cats. Then she was gone, POOF! Two white cats? I hadn't seen Old Freddie a good long time by this time and assumed he might be strumming a harp somewhere, but there was a real possibility that Pooh Bear was the Son of Freddy and that was pretty wild. That woman told me that Pooh Bear was just a cat and cats don't cost no money to take care of just get em some Friskies dry food and water, they're happy she says. My Ars!

Anyway, I didn't know it at the time he made me fall for him first before he started costing money. There was the leg, or no leg; that was 2,400.00 dollars. The Ex put in too, now he had 3 legs and that didn't slow him down. 3 weeks after he lost his leg he was doing running jumps off the garage and though he didn't go after rats no more he ate mice. A couple months after the leg he got into it with a raccoon who sliced his noggin from one side to the other and gave him some infection that cost a few pennies and 3 times a day we had to soak him in betadine. Not too long after that a homeless jerk decided he had to kill Pooh Bear by running him over with a scooter but he only ran over part of him and didn't do much damage, then he got attacked by a neighbor's dog. Those 1st two times he got scraped up a little. Not only did the neighbor's dog attack my cat the neighbor and all her friends was coming after me. I snitched her out to her landlord because they would not leave me alone another neighbor took Pooh to the vet we paid the bill this psycho neighbor lady didn't and they kept bothering us she thought it was her dogs right to trespass in our yard and eat my Pooh Bear. It's good for all of them I was sober at the time or their address might have become a vacant lot.

Anyway People can get pretty serious about their companions around here. Angel Baby was lost a couple years ago someone took her and killed her I still remember what he looked like, one day maybe we'll meet up. I really miss her. After I sobered up I made a commitment to take care of these two cats if nothing else I did that and they took care of me too! Old Pooh Bear never really liked hanging out with me that much but now we're buddies, a couple Ugly Old Farts. He's getting on in his years and I know it won't be long before both of us are gone. I hope me and him could be together a little longer. I gotta take him to the vet next month for sure; gotta get his shots get checked up. Kinda weird, when he hangs out with Ballistic Belinda he sleeps most of the day, he never whines, he loves being with her. But as soon as I bring him over here with me he wants to go hang out with her, he whines, talks SMACK the old fart. The only time I think he's has pain is when he goes to the can hopefully I can get the vet to check him out. He still runs and jumps around he's pretty active for an old guy Doc Mc Donald told me once that he was the oldest living 3 legged cat in Santa Barbara County, people still come around to see him plus now since he got his ears clipped he looks like some evil creature from the Harry Potter films though he's a handsome ugly old fart like his Daddy maybe I'll get my ears clipped too maybe I won't be able to hear Ballistic Belinda barking at me if I get my ears clipped. Good Idea huh?

Anyway hair is thy Blessed Scanner Roni Reports, Monday:

  • Structure Fire Response early in the morning for a fire under a deck. I wonder if it was a warming fire it was quite nippy in the morning.
  • Medical Emergency for subject possibly suffering a stroke in a black Mercedes SUV at Olive and Arrellaga.
  • Premise check Bath at the Tracks.
  • Premise check highway 101 Northbound off ramp at Milpas SBPD Found 2 illegal campers.
  • Minor injury accident involving motorcycle Mission and Chino.
  • Vehicle vs motorcycle on Ward Memorial.
  • 4 Drunks harassing employees and customers at the Post Office 107 Nopalitos.
  • Medical Emergency 18 East Sola rapid heartbeat sweating.
  • Report of Skateboarders on the Pass 154 coming down the center of the road.
  • Code Blue possible heart attack 30 East Canon Perdido.
  • 484 Theft 1000 Block of Casitas Pass Road.
  • Check the Welfare of a UI Subject Bath and Cota they followed him around a bit and ironically stopped him in front of New House.
  • Illegal Dumping at Smart and Final 217 East Gutierrez.
  • Black and White to assist the Frank Units with a transport to County 300 Block of Castillo.
  • Leaf Blower violation 200 Block of East Pueblo.
  • Suicidal subject in the 100 Block of West Pedregosa.
  • Road Rage black truck chasing black car South on Anacapa.
  • Medical Emergency for Peanut Allergy Ash at the Beach, I thought they said something else.
  • Possible stroke entrance to Lake Cachuma.
  • 20002 Hit and Run on Richland.
  • 415 Domestic Daddy is beating on Mama again 1000 Block of East DLG.
  • Unresponsive female at the Brew house 229 West Montecito.
  • Dog vs vehicle West Clark at Arabian Trail in Santa Maria I think the dog was killed.
  • Suspicious Circumstances 600 Block of West Arrellaga.
  • Bon Apetit, Male subject threatens woman with fork 5100 Block of Dawn Lane, North County.
  • City Lot 9 juveniles riding skateboards smoking weed 900 Anacapa.
  • 415 of Sorts Cacique Underpants near Alisos officer requests code 3 backup not sure if it was a traffic stop or what but sounded as if someone might have resisted a supervisor, and CSI was also requested.

    Scanner Roni Reports, Tuesday:

  • 415 Domestic between father and step son Police responded someone got pepper sprayed and suffered a head injury code 2 medics responded. Unknown if the pepper spray action took place after or before police responded 800 Block of West Islay.
  • Medical Emergency Fall victim on the tennis courts 2300 Foothill Road.
  • 5150 Male yelling at SBCC.
  • Gas leak on a BBQ 1400 Block of Lavender in Montecito.
  • 20002 Hit and Run 3900 Block of State street suspect was driving a grey Nissan.
  • 594 Vandalism to a vehicle 1300 Block of Montecito Place.
  • 1800 Block of Los Canoas Road at Skofield Park a couple in the back seat of a black Honda celebrating hump day a little early.
  • 459 Commercial Burglary Lillie's Flowers 335 South Milpas.
  • Large group of homeless disturbing at 524 State Street. Maybe they want to take a personality test.
  • 415 Code 40, DRUNK Client disturbing at American Storage.
  • 415 Homeless women disturbing passersby smoking weed at MTD 1020 Chapala.
  • 245 At Cleveland for training all I heard not sure if this was an Assault with a weapon at Cleveland School or what, but that's the only Cleveland I know in Santa Barbara unless there's a Cleveland Street.
  • 1700 Block of Thomas male unknown to a female in her residence escapes before police arrive.
  • Suicidal Female at Casa Esperanza wants to jump in front of traffic.
  • Check the Welfare of a young child in the bushes with an adult female Northbound Carrillo off ramp.
  • Engine 6 was on a transformer fire that was out before they arrived Edison responded quickly, all is well missed location somewhere Mesa.
  • 100 Block of Highway 246 Vehicle into a can of peas.
  • 5200 Block of South Creek Court suspicious Circumstances broken sliding glass door, with blood on the Floor.
  • SBPD Zebra one on a detail at the Greyhound Bus Station. Even though I know Greyhound is near the Amtrak station I always picture that little building at Carrillo and Chapala that used to be the Greyhound station.
  • San Pablo at Ontare illegal camper in van with trailer where's the boat?
  • 459 Burglary at the Paseo Nuevo Theatres. I wonder if they broke in to steal. Or to sleep? When I was a kid I heard of people slipping into movie theatres thru a side door watching all the films then hiding out until everyone left so they could sleep there. I used to hear that when I was a kid in Chicago I think it was one of those places squatters would go to sleep. I wonder if that goes on here too.

    Will HELL that's Enough outta me for now Have a Great Wednesday, Humpty Hump Day! Dog Willing We Will See you on FRYday. Later, Roger


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