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Scanner Reports 1-10-14
updated: Jan 10, 2014, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Thank Dog it's FRYday. I fell asleep the other night with the Scanner on while the guy on Bath Street was holed up inside his apartment playing the Waiting Game with the Police. Periodically I'd wake up hearing voices and Pooh Head meowing. I'd drift off again having weird dreams most of which came from the voices on the Scanner. When you have dreams of running from the Police and cats, you really get no rest at all. I don't think Pooh Head likes the scanner very much. Listening to it takes time away from his rubs. Between both I don't get a lot of shut eye. One of the times I woke up was after the Stand Off was over. I could not believe that the police still sounded Wide Awake.

What kind of coffee do they drink, I wonder. One officer I know to be well over 50 sounded totally awake, even after 3 in the morning he was volunteering to do more things that needed to be done before heading into the station. That Officer loves his job. Maybe it's not the coffee or the love of the job that drives them; maybe they are Zombies. No wonder why they smile when they arrest you. Maybe they're sizing you up with a side dish of Fava beans. Imagine getting arrested and going into the police station and seeing nothing but huge vats full of different sauces, and fryers, real homemade BBQ Ribs, a prep area where they give ya a little medical check up to see if you're healthy enough to eat. We would not have any crime in this town. The only need for jail would be to store the food; a few refrigerators. That sure would save a lot of money for the county. We probably would have no need for another jail. Who needs an injunction? We got Bacon, lots of Bacon and I'm NOT talking about the Police. Santa Barbara, the American Riviera, would be the BLT Capital of the World! Think of the tourists. We could all become Zombies and save all kinds of money on Food. We could be the first city in the World to successfully cure Homelessness. Man I'm getting hungry as HELL just thinking about it!

I don't know why, but when I listen to those Stand Offs I crave donuts and Little Cesar's Pizza smothered with chili sauce. Not too long ago I heard Pizza Hut was going to move in right next door to me. I guess the potential owner changed his mind. Probably because I live next door, I scared him away. I'd actually rather have Little Cesar's. I can't afford that gourmet stuff. It's good Little Cesar's is a few blocks away; make me work for it. Last time I went over there I got that Cheesy Bread stuff. Man that stuff was GOOD! But I ate it too fast and it expanded inside of me and I felt like I was going to float away full of gas. Like a huge Airship floating over the Santa Barbara Channel.

Speaking of Airships, the full moon is coming up in a few days. I finally found a calendar that lets you know when we are going to have a full moon; The USO Calendar. I get all kinds of Calendars; no full moons or even notifications of full moons till the USO sent me a calendar. I only sent them a few bucks last year - too nice of them. Now I know where to get my calendars.

Will hairs your Scanner Roni Reports, Wednesday:

  • Naked man walking around ‘hood. Laguna, Olive, Garden police caught up with him on Garden Street.
  • Hazard investigation burning odor of electrical after plugging appliance in.
  • 10851 Toyota Highlander 2007 stolen from Val Verde partial ca. 6NXP???
  • Fall victim front of CVS 3900 Block of State Street.
  • 594 Vandalism Ex-Girlfriend broke Ex-boyfriend's front door in the 300 Block of West Arrellaga.
  • 600 West Canon Perdido paper fire in Weber kettle.
  • In the Riverbed off highway 246 on a trail 415 Domestic.
  • Theft investigation in the 1800 Block of Loma.
  • 415 Verbal argument over possible Animal Abuse First East Cota both parties left before police responded.
  • Check the Welfare of an extremely code 40 DRUNK subject in a room at Motel 6 in the 3500 Block of State Street.
  • Male and Female 415 Domestic Haley and State Street.
  • Homeless male doing the poopy in Pershing Park watch your step.
  • 1144 Suicide in Francheschi Park, hanging.
  • Stand Off in a home in the 800 Block of Bath Street went on till 2amish Thursday morning.
  • Assault 800 Block of State Street. Report of male chasing people in the area then this Assault don't know if it's the Chaser or Chasee.
  • Suspicious Subject dressed in black under the Micheltorena Bridge dressed in black police did not find him but found fresh graffiti on the RR Bridge.
  • 101 Northbound Garden on ramp report of white utility vehicle smoking possibly on fire.
  • 400 Block of North "H" Street Lompoc Probation check.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject down in the bushes in front of 7-11 3400 Block of State Street.
  • Report of 2 subjects in a black SUV in the parking lot at 36 State street possibly involved in drug sales.
  • Park one on a Premise check at the Douglas Family Preserve.

    Scanner Roni Reports, Thursday:

  • 242 Assault Ex Roommate 242ed Ex Roommate in the 500 Block of West Gutierrez.
  • Medical Emergency for Chest Pains at the Oak Park Tennis Courts Parking Lot.
  • Someone living on Casitas Pass is refusing to go to the Hospital so the SO is responding to help them change their mind.
  • Unknown problem in the bushes Alvin at Broadway.
  • Under the Influence male yelling at passersby in the 600 Block of Chapala.
  • Medical Emergency for a fall victim on Yankee Farm Road.
  • 459 Burglary to a vehicle in the 3900 Block of Via Lucero.
  • Threats on Cambridge in Goleta.
  • Wanted subject captured and arrested at USA Gas 8 South Milpas.
  • 1100 Block of Via Alta in a back yard Medical for someone with a head laceration.
  • SBSO Foot Pursuit with a subject on Calzada caught near highway 246 and the Casino around there somewhere unknown reason he was wanted.
  • Illegal homeless camp 1000 feet South of the Ortega Bridge off highway 101.
  • Fall victim 3000 Block of DLV engine 4 responding.
  • 415 Fight on Patterson in Goleta 2 male teenagers.
  • 600 State Street large gathering possible fight SBPD on scene requested code 3 (lights and siren) back up, someone had a back injury code 2 medics responded.
  • 415 Fight on Luciana 2 males code 2 medics for head laceration.
  • I heard a female city police officer run a subject for Wants and Warrants and he was a registered Arsonist.
  • Elderly Male with dementia barricaded himself in a bathroom at residence on Toltec in Goleta SBSO responded.
  • Overdose on Mountain Drive.
  • Code blue 1200 Block of Shoreline.

    Will that's it outta me for now. Got this little note from a friend to post in case anyone might be interested. Like Sports? Like being active? The local parks and recreation flag football league is looking for a few more teams for the Winter/Spring season. You can sign up individually or register a whole team! Contact the parks and rec department at 805-564-5422 or visit http://teamsideline.com/santabarbara/ for more details. They are currently accepting applicants at this time. Anyway have a Lovely weekend and Dog Willing We will see you on Monday. Later, Roger


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