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Scanner Reports 12-27-13
updated: Dec 27, 2013, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

This does not feel like a Thank Dog it's FRYday. Christmas was GOOD to me; it always is but no more SUGAR. I can hardly see straight, I really shouldn't have made Southern Cajun style Lima beans and Ham for Christmas dinner. It was Killer, but it's still Killing me today. My Mom gets a kick outta my Holiday Dinners they usually don't come out too well this came out perfect just didn't agree with me. As far as gifts go I got more stuff to pile on more stuff even Pooh Bear and Joey Canoli scored some stuff a case of kitty food from Pam and Bob, Sue gave Pooh Bear a beautiful blanket. I think it was meant for me but he won't give it back and I love the little critter so much he gets it. They got all kinds of stuff Pooh Bear's happy with the blanket and the fish food, Joeys happy with the mouse population.

I heard the otter day Joey the Canoli caught a rat and took it in back to the Neighbors girly kitty he sat it down next to her, then sat there and watched her eat it. She used to be Pooh Bears girly friend but Pooh Bear got old and I don't think he cares about that stuff anymore. I'll tell you what either do I, Belinda had mistletoe hanging up and I didn't see it kept walking back and forth under it suddenly Ballistic Belinda was coming toward me all puckered up and Smiling, there was nowhere to go I got kissed....YUCK! I'm hiding on New Beers Eve. Me and my buddy Pooh Bear's gonna be hiding behind a barricaded door listening to the scanner, stuffing Little Cesar's drowning in Tabasco down in my gut, while he belches up salmon wine.

Didn't seem like a whole lotta crime going on during Christmas Day there was that 245 Assault with a deadly weapon Burglary downtown but really don't know what that was all about. There were a few domestics around Poor men and Boyfriends forced into the Family Christmas Dinner thingy with their in-laws future and otherwise it's a scary thing. I've been to a couple and nothing gets a man drunker faster than having to go to one of those things. Gotta get all dressed up, wearing slacks and a dress shirt jacket and tie dress shoesies. Gotta take a shower, comb your hair, can't belch or fart at the table gotta be polite. If it wasn't for alcohol I might have to go to therapy after one of those things! I haven't had a drink in over 10 years and there are all kinds of temptations in this world but being forced into a situation like that? Pass the Mad Dog 20-20!!! So I did hear of a couple escapes, I hope those poor victimized men got away. Dog Forbid! And watch out for that friggen Mistletoe stuff! Should be a law aganist having that stuff up after Christmas she almost got me again today this time I escaped.

Hairs thy blessed Scanner Roni Reports, Christmas, Wednesday, Hump Day:

  • Lights were on no one was there not even a mouse but the doors were unlocked so the customers went in and waited for the employees to show up at Starbucks 1900 Cliff Drive.
  • Somewhere on Casitas Pass Road there was a 415 between neighbor women. One of the gals called 911 to report that the other gal shot the apartment manager and the Fire Marshall dead and the reporting party had a bone sticking out of her leg? No one was found dead nor was there any bones sticking out of anyone's leg. I say weird things when I get angry too but I don't think I've ever said anything like that.
  • Code 40, DRUNK Guy standing outside his truck in the 800 Block of Weldon probably waiting to see if anyone calls the police.
  • 245 Assault with a deadly weapon, 459 Burglary 630 Anacapa unknown by me circumstances.
  • 2 Loose Pit Bulls tan 300 Block of North Soledad.
  • Code 40, DRUNK Down 600 West Carrillo.
  • 800 Block of Vine 415 investigation occurred earlier in the day.
  • Report of a homeless subject in a vehicle behind Fresco Cafe on Calle Real brandishing a knife.
  • Report of a male with a female he is in possession of a gun in a creek bed near the intersections of Kellogg and Corleone. They were never found.
  • Code 2 medics at the police station for a subject complaining of pain.
  • 415 Domestic at the Sandpiper Mobile home park Husband wants his wife to leave something about her being in the hospital and he don't want her no more. If he was my husband I just might have to show him the woodchipper.
  • Medical Emergency fall victim 300 Block of Elizabeth.
  • 415 1200 Punta Gorda.
  • Code 40, DRUNK 1118 East Cabrillo.
  • 300 Block of West Carrillo suicidal subject.
  • Report of a vehicle fire on Santa Barbara Street between Sola and Micheltorena.
  • 487 Theft on the 900 Block of Palermo.
  • 23152 Drunk Driver in a White Chevy Silverado Southbound Milpas from 200 North.
  • 300 Block of Ellwood Beach Road medical emergency for seizures the patient became combative a couple times and was more than likely carted out of there.
  • Overdose 4100 Block of Van Guard.
  • 23152 Drunk Driver in Dark Blue Chrysler Southbound on State with reporting party following Lights out on drunk's vehicle.
  • Overdose 400 East DLG.
  • Possible theft of a purse in the 400 Block of South Canada not sure I heard the call right but sounded like theft of a purse and the suspects lived in the 400 Block of South Canada.
  • Check the Welfare of a disoriented elderly male at the Greyhound Station 200 Block of State Street.
  • Check the Welfare of a subject throwing up for 3 hours 300 Block of West Montecito.
  • Canada at Montecito Streets Traffic Accident sounded like a DUI Driver.

    Scanner Roni Reports, Thursday:

  • Man in his 60's wearing a green bandana trying to turn someone on to drugs in the 700 Block of State Street.
  • 10851 Stolen Auto from the 1500 Block of Blosser at 3:30am this morning a white Toyota Tundra flatbed.
  • Code 60 Blocking, Cacique at Quarantina disabled truck.- Almost a Hit and Run non-injury on Anacapa but the Silver SUV returned to the scene and traded insurance info.- Medical Emergency 72 year old male fell down and injured his back at Samarkand.
  • Vegetation Brush Fire near Fairview and Magnolia alongside the R.R. Tracks and the freeway. Will I guess no one will be camping there for a few days.
  • SBPD looking to contact a 242 Assault suspect in the 600 Block of West Valerio.
  • Female refusing to leave the courtyard at 617 Garden.
  • 10851 Auto theft Alisos at Ortega a black Ford Expedition.
  • Check the Welfare of a female down in the 2100 Block of DLV.
  • Individuals committing lewd acts in a blue Toyota Corolla on Dover Hill in the 1300 Block.
  • 1400 Block of Sycmore Canyon Road Smoke investigation but no fire there.
  • 6 Homeless people in Pershing Park smoking weed
  • Structure Fire but knocked down right away in the 600 Block of Third Street in Lompoc.
  • Report of trash cans in lanes highway 101 at Carrillo.
  • Code 40, DRUNK fall victim Anapamu at Chapala.
  • The Blond Family decided to go shoplifting the Day after Christmas downtown. There was Mama Blond 5'2 120 pounds wearing a grey shirt with some kind of print on it; she was carrying a huge pink purse and huge Nordstrom's, and Macys Shopping bags. There was Papa Blond around 5'7, 150 pounds, and there was Baby Blond in a black stroller. All 3 Beat Feet and rolled outta Lucky Brand Jeans after attempting to Shoplift items from the store, and they didn't get nothin'! Ha, Ha, Ha. Oh yea Loser Dad was also wearing a grey shirt with some sort of lettering on it. I know what it said, it said "LOSER!" Any jerk that uses a child to commit a crime should be ran thru a woodchipper.
  • Medical Emergency for a subject choking at the El Encanto.

    That's it Outta Me for Now Have a Great FRYday and a better Weekend and Dog Willing we will see you on Monday When it starts all over again. Later, Roger


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