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Scanner Reports 3-11-13
updated: Mar 11, 2013, 7:00 AM
By Roger the Scanner Guy
Monday, A nude Day, A nude Life, Like being born again...Hello Everyone! UGH! The past couple of weeks
my LA Times has been delivered Here, There, Everywhere otter than Here. They used to deliver it to the Neighbor down the drive
way, Every Sunday like Clock Work 4am. It was there then something went Hay Wire maybe the Delivery person discovered Bath Salts.
For the last 3 Weeks my paper has gone where no paper should have to go somewhere else. I could just imagine where probably behind
211 South Milpas next to the bucket, Read and Wipe. Well someone is enjoying it, SNOT me. That's all that's important I guess.
Speaking of Time, this Daylight Savings Horse Manure is not working out very well for me. First of all Pooh Bear has gone senile
and he Sleeps all Day and Parties all night, he only agrees to let me sleep a couple hours if I give him my left arm to cuddle, I
can only sleep on my right side. If I don't give up my arm he howls until I do. I don't sleep much anymore. On Saturday night I
stood with the door wide open and lectured him about my need for sleep. I know the Neighbors were listening and hopefully I will
be committed sometime next week so I can get some much needed sleep. By the Time I got to sleep Sunday Morning it was time to get
up and change the clocks. I fell out for what seemed like 20 minutes I must have moved my Arm because Pooh Bear made a little
noise then my phone began to ring. It's times like these I realize I'm no longer Homicidal. If I was I would have answered the
phone, found out whom was calling me, gone to their house, killed them and took their left arm with me.
After I shut the phone off by ripping the cord out of the wall and tossing it out in the yard I fell out again to a series of
weird dreams the kind you have when you're sleeping but not sleeping soundly, I usually like these dreams like living in Twin
Peaks. But these dreams are a little different. These are the Chicago Bus Station dreams I used to have as a runaway kid, "Please
deposit another .25 Cents for 15 minutes of WGN." Anyone else ever sleep in a bus station chair in front of those .25 Cents for 15
minute TV Sets? You fall asleep and when you wake up you're lucky if you still got your underwear on everything else is gone. It's
Morning I slept for a couple hours, the Sun is out Pooh Bear is sleeping soundly for the next 15 hours, my replacement LA Times is
due in 90 minutes, and the coffee is done on the other side of the room. I got up earlier to get a cup, left it next to the coffee
pot walked back to my chair without my coffee and sat back down this is the way my brain works when I don't get much sleep.
On Saturday evening I heard one of those Combative Drunk calls I'm not sure how the police deal with Combative Drunks anymore
because I don't drink, but I'm pretty sure a Taser is involved. When I was a Combative Drunk it was a good Butt Kicking and Waffle
Face. The next morning was HELL because of the fighting from the night before I was always afraid to open my eyes and wouldn't do
so until I began to remember what had happened the night, or drunk before. Alcohol was my Beast Fiend, because that is what I
would turn into after a few drinks. Sober I had the Homicidal/Suicidal thoughts. The depression feeling of being worthless Drunk I
turned into the raging maniac only a Mother could Love. The last time I went to County Jail was Easter Sunday 1999; I went over to
Trader Joes and spent a couple hundred dollars on 13 bottles of wine. I decided to switch over to wine because everything else
wasn't working for me. My girlfriend came over drank a bottle and escaped. I think I drank 11 Bottles before I went across the
street to Circle K and raided the beer cooler. It wasn't long after that I was on my way to the Beautiful Mansion on the Hill;
The Santa Barbara County Jail. I was tied up like a pretzel on the back seat of the police car there were two cops in the front
seat one of them turned to me and said, "When we get to jail you're going to need to wash your eyes out, we had to pepper spray
you." The weirdest thing my eyes were not burning at all and I was breathing fine even thou I have Asthma. That is what alcohol
did for me No Pain till the Next Day. When I came to the next day my knee hurt like pure HELL, I found out later that I said the
wrong thing to a jail guard. The silver lining that saved my hide was that the police were so busy tying me up they forgot to
read me my rights. I got out of just about everything except for the Warrants I had. I had Warrants for a prior drunk where I
attacked buildings downtown jumping thru and breaking windows about $1400.00 worth. I had a warrant for Failure to Appear; one
would think no one would want me to Appear anywhere. I was only in jail for a couple days because I raised HELL about not getting
my rights read to me but I had to pay restitution for all the windows I broke and there were restraining orders to stay away from
several buildings downtown. A normal person would have been Horrified if they did something like this. I wasn't; not at all this
was just one of my drunks, just another normal day in my own private HELL.
When I got home my door was wide open there were cigarette butts and burns all over the carpet, empty liquor containers
everywhere, a ham in the sink with every bug you could imagine munching on it. I thought I was having DT's so I went to the liquor
store and got a pint. My cats were gone probably hiding, when I sobered up a few years later I promised both of my cats that I
would give them a good life I never said anything about my left arm.
Waffle Face was caused by the old cages that separated the front seat from the back in a police car. For no apparent reason the
police car would stop pretty much on a dime at high speeds and if someone was hand cuffed in the back seat there was really no way
to stop their face from getting smooshed into the cage, aka Waffle Face.
I'm sure some of you get sick reading about my Old Drunken Experiences, but every time I turn on a Scanner I hear them over and
over again involving other Combative Drunkards like the one on Saturday Night. I am sure that fella came to on Sunday Morning and
Wondered where in the HELL he was, or maybe he didn't wake up at all, maybe he's Dead. One of the first things I heard Sunday
Morning was about a car found that had crashed the night before spilling its fluids all over the street on the East Side. I heard
a fireman say that the vehicle hit his car so maybe there was a high speed chase. One Police Officer said the vehicle was at Nopal
and Quarantina, another said it was at Montecito and Calle Cesar Chavez; the dispatcher said the vehicle was at Calle Cesar Chavez
and Gutierrez. It sounds like Daylight Savings Time does not agree with them either. I heard another officer say that he was going
to contact the registered owner of the vehicle in the 1600 Block of Garden. I don't know if that call had anything to do with the
crashed vehicle or the registered owner was driving the vehicle, it could have been stolen. However I have no doubt in my mind
that alcohol somehow played a part in the crime. Alcohol; the gift that keeps on giving, it's cheap but costs the Taxpayers a HELL
of a lot of money and turns peoples brains to Mush. I just heard a Death Notification Call go out that is when the Police show up
at your door to inform you a loved one is dead, I have no idea how this person passed away.
Here is Your Scanner Reports, FRYday:
Reckless driver from Salinas street onto Northbound 101 in a Nissan driving at a high rate of speed and cutting off drivers.
Food in the Oven 1700 Block of Chapala.
Report of a male walking in traffic on Calle Real in front of I-Hop, maybe he's not walking then.
Illegal Campers in an RV with no muffler in the 1200 Block of Cliff Drive ongoing problem.
459 Burglary to a vehicle in the 3700 Block of San Remo.
Highway 101 Northbound at the Storke Onramp report of female jumping in front of cars. That is a good way to get run over.
Vehicle Fire at the Unity Church Parking lot 227 East Arrellaga.
Report of a male forcing a female into his vehicle on 7th Street in Lompoc a grey Dodge SUV. Never heard any more about it
though.
Suspicious subjects 2 Hispanic males on bicycles looking into vehicles 400 Block of West Los Olivos.
484 Theft of 12-Pack of ice cold Coors 214 West Montecito suspect Hispanic male on skateboard toward the Amtrak station.
Code 40, Drunk Hispanic male adult in the 800 Block of State street yelling obscenities. I'm yelling them over here on Milpas!
Suspicious circumstances 2 males entering a residence in the 900 Block of West Mountain Drive, unknown to the reporting party.
On Catlin Street in the County report of man down, alcohol poisoning.
100 Block of North Hope report of unconscious 19 year old under the influence of Bath Salts.
415 Transient 331 West Montecito Street, 7-11.
Suicidal subject Cacique Street shelter.
Unknown type medical emergency male inside Fresh and Easy on Milpas bleeding SBPD responded subject was in front of the store
when they got there. SBPD went code 4 (no assistance needed.) soon after I do think that medics responded though.
One reporting party for Shots Fired in the 1200 Block of Castillo.
415 Domestic 100 Block of Dearborne.
800 Block of Orange Ave code 40, family member disturbing.
Medical Emergency for a male vomiting blood in the 300 Block of West Carrillo.
Scanner Reports, Saturday:
Somewhere, someone was having a mental breakdown I can totally relate to that!
415 Domestic on Guava in Goleta woman bleeding from her head, knife possibly involved they said she might have been hit with
the handle of the knife, not stabbed.
10851 Grand Theft Auto from Mc Donald's in the 3900 Block of State Street. This was the one where the owner had OnStar GPS and
was reporting where the thief was from Gibraltar to Mission Canyon where the owner slowed the truck down when the police were
closing in on the Joy Rider who was caught. He was on parole for a couple other counts of auto theft.
Report of some type of electrical explosion at Vandenberg injuring two workers.
415 Transient at Fire Station 6 Disturbing.
484 Theft of a Sleeping Bag from REI in the 300 Block of State Street.
Medical emergency for a hand laceration on the loading dock of the Double Tree 600 Block of East Cabrillo.
Bicyclist down on Harris Grade bleeding from the ear 8 miles from highway 135.
Heard the tail end of a 20002 Citizen Pursuit in vehicles East Bound on Yananoli to the Garden Street Underpants where police
caught up. The vehicle stopped in the 200 Block of East Gutierrez.
594 Vandalism to city property in the 2600 Block of Chapala.
Same SBPD officer that pulled over the hit and run driver in the 200 Block of East Gutierrez united a dog and its owner at
Santa Barbara and Figueroa Streets a little while later.
3 SBPD Units responded to the 1800 Block of Cliff Drive for someone disturbing well known by SBPD.
Report of a possible body rolled up in insulation at the side of I think they said highway 101 between Patterson and Turnpike.
What was said was insulation with two feet sticking out. SBSO found only the insulation.
Report of a male wearing shorts and a pink shirt jumping in front of cars at Patterson and Hollister yelling that he got
robbed. That is a good way to get run over too!
1400 Block of Tunnel Road report of hiker over the side 20 feet.
The Condor Express caught on Fire at the Sea Landing, several city engines responded as well as Harbor Patrol who put the fire
out.
Unknown 415 in the 200 Block of Meigs Road subject locked in room while someone attempts to knock down the door to get to him.
When police got there attacker was gone.
Suspicious Subjects in the 1700 Block of Villa Ave possible casing.
242 Assault in the 1800 Block of Courier in the County.
SBPD transporting combative subject to County Jail I missed the beginning of the call probably a good thing.
1600 Block of Chino Gang Fight one subject in possession of a golf club. The main reason I do not print addresses on Scanner
Calls is because sometimes the address broadcasted out is the Reporting Parties Address aka "The Snitch." If I posted the address
the Gang Fight would end up at the Reporting Parties house and someone would get a Golf Club across their ars, and it ain't gonna
be me!
Scanner Reports, SUNday:
Suspicious Circumstances in the 400 Block of Loma Alta Missing Man Hole cover, and thus it begins I bet the Golf Club was
found nearby.
A fireman reports that the Suspect vehicle was found at Nopal and Quinientos, and then a moment or so later it was found at
Montecito and Calle Cesar Chavez, then someone said Cesar Chavez and Gutierrez. 712 Pops in and says it's the vehicle that hit his
vehicle and crashed over a curb. You never know what the HELL you going to find on the East Side at Day Break. Wherever the
vehicle was found it was leaking fluids all over the place and no one was in it. One of those overnight calls I missed.
SBPD Responding to the 1600 Block of Garden to speak with the registered owner of the vehicle, I assume it's the same vehicle
that crashed on the curb somewhere on the East Side.
SBPD to respond to a death notification on the North Side of town.
Unresponsive code 40, Drunk male laying in Ortega Park.
Report of a dog attacking other dogs on Kellogg in Goleta.
Report of someone tossing credit cards and a wallet out of a vehicle heading West on 154 toward State Street.
459 Burglary to a residence no one said otherwise in the first Block of South Alisos.
Someone got their tools ripped off on Eucalyptus Hill.
Report that a male and female were throwing items at an employee of our local Greyhound Bus Station.
WMA Skinhead at the Oak Park tennis courts yelling and challenging people to fight. Hmm, I thought some of the readers said
that nothing like this ever happens at Oak Park. A week or so ago to a family interested in moving into the HOOD. The people that
said nothing weird ever happens there must be the same people that are selling their home.
Somewhere in the county Santa Maria I believe 2 Subjects were trying to get a mentally ill man to give up 900.00 Dollars by
threatening to hurt or kill him or someone dear to him. I'm not exactly sure but it was some threat like that. What I am sure
about is that I'm mentally Ill please come over here and do that to me.
Vehicle crashed into building 400 North Salsipuedes non-injury.
Short and Sweet that is enough outta me for now, Have a Great Monday and Dog Willing We Will see you on Wednesday. Roger
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