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Scanner Reports 3-8-13
updated: Mar 08, 2013, 7:00 AM
By Roger the Scanner Guy
Well it's FRYday a good day to FRY fish, and get Fried like eggs on a hot sidewalk. Of course it might be
raining. One never knows around here though, some times the Weather person says one thang and
another thang happens. That doesn't just happen here either the weather can change anywhere in the
blink of an eye, although with better technology it's easier to predict. I have always enjoyed the rain and
Stormy weather, now as I get older I find that my arthritis doesn't enjoy the rain as much. When it's
warm outside my bones don't hurt as much so I'm beginning to enjoy the warm weather more.
Old Habits die hard and so do some men Watching the show Deadly Women on I.D. Keeps me out of
relationships. It shoots down even the possiblity of one as I reflect on the women I have been with in the
past. When I was a young man I always wanted to find that special someone, settle down get married
have Rug Rats, I couldn't wait to grow up and find HER. But some lives are just not meant for things to
go as planned, especially when life hasn't been as Rosey. I was lucky I grew up during the 60's and 70's
where there was plenty of "Free Love." to go around. Besides having Low Self Esteem in my teens I began
to resemble the Pillsbury Dough Boy, there wasn't much chance for me to Hook Up with a nice girl
especally since I was a juvenile delinquent. After I got kicked loose from the State Mental Instition for
the criminally Unique I was sent to a children's home in Fort Wayne Indiana, as luck would have it there
were women there. I would say girls but none of us ever had a childhood. We were pretty much all
wacked having been molested, physically abused, mentally abused, some of the kids had been born
alcoholics, or addicts, or became so soon after birth having been medicated by their parents. Some had
been forced into prostition or sold to others for sex by their parent or parents. I don't think out of all of
us anyone there had a normal upbringing. The childrens home was a special place though it was run by
house parents not much older than us kids many of them pretty Hip in the field of not taking life too
seriously. Anyone who could follow that philosophy in life might be successful at something for me it
was humor. No matter how bad things got I was always able to find some sort of humor somewhere,
that is until I got older.
At this point in my life though I'm an ugly old fart who will never be husband matieral I can at least
laugh at the insanity of it all. Some of those shows on ID, demented as they are, make me laugh. For the
Grace of Dog go I...One thing you can pretty much count on if you live your life in the gutter, your
probably going to die in the gutter too. I no longer live my life in the gutter and though I'm lonley
sometimes I'm SNOT dead yet. But here are some of the ways I came close to dying from while dating. I
came home one night after drinking a little too much and got a 2x4 upside my head by the little lady.
My neighbor, and the other man she was sleeping with saved my life. A couple months after that she
gave me too many knock out drops took, 500 dollars in cash and left me. I don't know if any of you
have ever been Mickyed but it's not fun. I recently found her on FaceBook, we're getting married in the
fall. I was dating an older woman who bought me a 12-Pack of Brewskis and 2 packs of Marlboros
everyday. One day while drinking my dinner I heard her talking about our impending marrage, I said
"What are you talking about I'm not going to get married to you, you're too old." I was pretty drunk
when she ran the passanger side of the van into the telephone pole. My face spider webbed by the
windshield I fell out of the van sideways but was able to cop the cigarettes and rest of the beer before
she could back up and run me over. I sure missed her taking me out for dinner after that, I should have
married that woman.
Then there was Judy we used to play chicken in our cars but one day I stood in the middle of the street
flipping her the bird as she barreled down toward me going faster and faster, I thought she was going
to stop, she thought I was going to jump. I did jump just before she hit me but it wasn't high enough. I
tumbled over and over the length of the car a 1973 Ford LTD Wagon thru the luggage rack, oh man that
really hurt. As a drunk I wasn't the ideal man to have around. Several months later I ripped off the
Wagon which belonged to a friend of Judys and totaled it in a high speed chase. About a year later after
we had broken up the outlaw motorcycle gang Judy was dating beat me up putting me in the hospital,
they did me pretty good. I had a really bad concussion, a few broken bones a couple slashes. My face
was a bit cracked up. Alcohol was pretty much my true love after that until I started to sober up after I
landed in Santa Barbara.
I was watching "Deadly Women" earlier today when I saw one where the woman decided to cut up a body
to dispose of it. She went out and bought an electric saw it looked more like an electric knife you know
how they move up and down those thin little blades. I laughed through the whole process because the
damn thing was way to small. I thought the blade was going to break off in the guys shoulder or
something. She was wearing these safety glasses and blood and guts were going everywhere, she
should have got those safety glasses with windsheild wipers. I was surprised she could see anything.
She should have just bought an ax. Then after she chops the guy up she seprates all the body parts
dumping them in different parts of town. She puts the torso in a trash bag and dresses all up in a hot
dress with high heels, drives to the other side of town and dumps him in a dumpster in front of a
delivery man who gets her license plate. I'm not into blond jokes, but she was a blond. The funniest part
of the whole thing was when the delivery guy and his buddy find the trash bag in the dumpster pull it
out and look in. I bet both those guys are single today, just like me. Some of those shows really crack
me up because a lot of killings are committed by people that snap, commit the act, and then have no
idea what to do with the body. Too bad they did not think about that before killing the person.
Hair is Thy Blessed Scanner Roni Reports, Wednesday:
415 Domestic on Necterine in Goleta also male violated restraining order.
Juvenile problem on De Paul.
Mary 3, (Motorcycle unit) on Traffic 1500 Block of Laguna.
SBPD seeking a wanted subject for violation of a restraining order, 200 Block of East Haley.
415 Subject inside of the Medicine Shop 1435 State street. I think this guy was actually someone
they were already looking for possibly suicidal.
400 Block of Villa Rosa tools stolen.
Northbound highway 101 South of Patterson vehicle accident .
6 Year old female juvenile running away from McKinley school with two staff members following
her, SBPD Requested.
Traffic Accident highway 154 and Salvar Road.
Animal Control 4 was with a group of transients in the 100 Block of East Haley and did not answer
their radio. SBPD Units responded code 3 to make sure he was OK.
1800 Block of Grand Ave. 415 Contractor refusing to leave.
Fall Victim near Ontare and State streets Public Accident.
Report of a suspicous male wearing some type of Super Hero Ski Mask at Rabo Bank on East Clark
in Santa Maria.
Alcohol Overdose on the proptery outside of the Albertsons Market in the 7100 Block of Hollister.
1000 Block of APS Audible alarm.
415 Male vs Female 1100 Block of Chapala, she hit his vehicle with a grocery cart. Unknown if
intentional or not, he kicked the grocery cart which slammed into her stomach then before police could
arrive he got into his car and left the scene. It's a darn good thing she did not have an electric knife in
that grocery cart.
Report of 8 Transients drinking in the Chase Palm Park Extention.
700 Block of West Haley 415 Domestic yelling items being thrown.
Traffic Accident bicycle vs vehicle Chapala and Anapamu.
Gas Odor inside Transion House 400 Block of East Ortega.
Reckless Pizza Delievry man in the 600 Block of North Milpas in a white Sentra.
First block of North Milpas audible alarm.
Report of pedestrian in the center divider near Los Patos, Southbound sounded like the car broke
down but don't know for sure.
Transient refusing to leave 134 South Milpas.
415 Yelling in the 1300 Block of Punta Gorda.
Scanner Roni Reports, Thursday:
459 Burglary to a vehicle on Old Mill Road.
Check the Welfare of someone laying on the grass at Ortega Park, this was during the rain.
Report of two suspicous males looking into vehicles Cliff at La Marina, one was a white male adult
with a shaved head wearing a Cowboys jacket.
415 Argurment over a non injury traffic accident in the 3700 Block of State street in the parking lot
of Whole Foods I think I also turd that there was no damage to the vehicles.
Medical Emergency for a subject with a head laceration near the flags on the breakwater, or on the
sand bar.
484 Shoplifters 2 males detained REI 321 Anacapa.
Suspicous vehicle white Dodge Van sitting with both doors open for several hours at Calle Palo
Colorado and State street, maybe someone farted.
Suspicous Circumstances in the 200 Block of West Constance Son in parents residence attempting
to take items.
Suicide attempt Overdose and with a knife.
10851 Mommy ripped off my Car, 400 Block of Anacapa street.
300 Block of East Victoria Barking Dog on Roof.
Possible chimmney Fire 200 Block of highway 246
245 Assault with a deadly weapon a bottle Haley at Anacapa sounded like the bottle broke too!
Two suspects transients wearing Hoodies one fella short heavy, the otter tall thin.
Suspicious Subject in the parking lot 350 South Hope.
459 Burglary to a vehicle at Dwight Murphy 500 Ninos.
Non injury traffic accident highway 101 at Mission street possible has been drinking driver.
Non injury traffic accident end of Turnpike thru the barrier into the bike path possible 23152
Driver.
484 Shoplifter detained Valley Outfitters on Avenue of the Flags.
23103 Reckless Tan Infinity not stopping at stop signs with back paper plates Old Coast Highway at
Salinas, last seen North on Salinas.
Possible Overdose involving a combative patient on Calle Cesar Chavez SBPD responded code 3
American Self Storage. Medics requested police.
Report of Gas odor 100 West Carrillo around Ralphs grocery store however Engine one stated that
manure was put in the flower beds and that is giving off an odor like gas.
Well that is all outta me for now..Have a Great Weekend and Dog Willing We Will see you on Monday.
Dog Bless Peter! Happy Birthday in Heaven my friend...Roger
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