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Scanner Reports 2-22-13
updated: Feb 22, 2013, 7:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Thank the good Doggie it's FRYday once again Ladies and germs. Only a matter of time before someone complains about that intro, "Oh Stop it Roger, it makes my pinkie hurt and I gotta go to the Finger doctor." I can tell you what to do with that Finger to make it better, but you might SNOT like it.

I don't know what I ate the otter night to make me have such a scary nightmare. Is my karma so bad that I would have such a scary nightmare? HELL I don't know. I dreamt that Cam Sanchez and I were having lunch at Harrys and he was telling me that I looked like a girl with my long hair and he made me go to Danny's around the corner and get my hair cut. Is Danny the Barber even there anymore? I don't know. I haven't been up to that neck of the woods for years and I haven't had my head shaved since 2002, Long Time. It was about that time I had it long like now, then had it shaved. I was walking to a friend's house when a copper car pulled up next to me and one officer said, "Nice try Dodge." Sometimes crazy thoughts go through my mind to cut my hair. Shaving my head makes me look like a Psycho Killer, but when I shave my face I look like Roger the Dork no threat at all. I like my Long Hair and Beard just the way they are but sometimes I have crazy thoughts.

I have something I have to tell all of you I have really tried to keep this under wraps because while I do enjoy being beaten silly by big women I'm afraid that everyone would beat me up if they knew my secret. I just can't keep it buried anymore I am the reason why there are so many homeless people here in Santa Barbara. A commenter pretty much said so. So I guess it must be true. Commenters say the strangest things, but have such good, positive, moving, ideas!

Some people out there really seem to hate me or what I write, if it wasn't me there would be someone else here for some of you to hate. Most of the comments don't get to me, I think most of them are pretty funny and I'm addicted to giving them back. It makes me feel good too. I love providing people with the Scanner Reports because I'm doing something I'm giving back and I love doing it. It's something I can do. I have never been a Stepford though and never will. My words may never been perfect I'm sorry about that truly I am from the bottom of my heart. But it's your choice to read them. If you feel like I'm forcing you to read what I write then maybe you need to see a therapist. Maybe one out there will contact me and I'll get a little kick back for the referral or at least maybe a kick in the lower back. You Guys Crack me up! Don't take Life so Seriously You'll never get out Alive. It's your choice to have a Scrap life or a good life. I had a crummy life for a long time and it ain't so bad no more, no one could hate me as much as I have hated myself.

Anyway Hairs Thy Blessed Holy Scanner Roni Reports, Wednesday:

  • Dead Skunk in the 1500 Block of Anacapa.
  • Yananoli at Chapala 415 Transient disturbing.
  • Transient refusing to leave a residence in the 400 Block of North Milpas.
  • Medical Emergency for a female fall victim at the Alano Club.
  • 20002 Hit and Run 3900 Block of State Street suspect Asian female driving Toyota Highlander with left side damage.
  • Code 40, Drunk female in 300 Block of South Milpas.
  • 6700 Block of Trigo Someone trying to get into someone's house with an electric saw of sorts? First report was a chain saw the chain saw is what I consider to be a hand held Wood chipper. I felt frightened for the tenant hearing that but it turned out to be an electric saw. I wonder if maybe the attacker had to go down the hall to plug the saw in and maybe he'd get a cut or two in the door before the plug would pop out. He gave up and warned the tenant he was coming back with friends. It doesn't sound like he's got any friends to me, I don't think he ever came back either.
  • 594 Vandalism 2 juveniles threw rocks at reporting parties residence on Berkley then ran away.
  • A reckless green Ford Explorer ran into an apartment building then took off, at 65 Nectarine.
  • Meet with a victim at the station on a 459 Burglary to residence.
  • On Junipero vehicle vs. motorcycle non-injury.
  • 415 Fight 3 males one with a god in the 900 Block of State Street.
  • Civil problem 400 Block of Ruth.
  • Suicidal subject in the 6500 Block of Trigo.
  • Combative seizure patient at the bus loop at the casino.
  • Report of 4 subjects attempting to access the 101 highway from West Montecito cops couldn't find them. They might have been ghosts I think there are quite a few here.
  • 484 Theft investigation Solstice 3800 Block of State Street.
  • 1200 Block of Anacapa 20002 Hit and Run with suspect information.
  • 6 Illegal Campers at a restaurant in the 300 Block of State Street, in those places up a little higher than the sidewalk.
  • High Speed Chase on 246 with a 13 year old Clyde behind the wheel and 51 year old Miss Robinson in the passenger seat in a stolen automobile. I'm sure there's a very interesting story behind it Granny! They crashed near Armour Ranch Road and Happy Canyon but they didn't sound very happy. I wonder what the cops were thinking when they had em at gunpoint?
  • 242 Assault on Anapamu there was more to the assault but I missed it because I was listening to the high-speed chase.
  • I was a juvenile terrorist before 13 but I didn't have enough self-esteem to steal vehicles.

    Scanner Reports, Thursday:

  • Camper in the elevator parking lot 9.
  • 400 Clearview Road possible sewage odor.
  • Traffic Accident 101 at Patterson.
  • 49 South Milpas 484 Bicycle.
  • 415 Argument over a vehicle blocking in the 400 Block of North Milpas.
  • 242 Two Transients beating each other up McKenzie Park.
  • Suspicious circumstances a Ford pickup in the 5700 Block of Cathedral Oaks that looks hotwired.
  • 4900 Block of Anita Lane Hollister School 459ed busted into.
  • Shoplifter detained Fresh and Easy Clark and Broadway.
  • Hugo called the sheriff and wanted to report that he either lost his social security card or it was stolen.
  • Suspicious Subject in Chapala Market following female juveniles around the market. SBPD caught up with the man in the 600 Block of East Ortega.
  • RV Parked in the loading zone at Ortega and Garden.
  • 500 Block of Atterdag 459 Burglary.
  • Theft investigation 600 Block of Garden.
  • Report of a U-Haul blocking a driveway in the 100 Block of West Cota.
  • Keep the Peace in the 600 Block of Wentworth.
  • Suspicious circumstances at Edison and Gutierrez dispatch would not say what.
  • 459 Burglary investigation in the 2800 Block of Clinton Terrace.

    Will that's it outta me for now Have a great FRYday, and a Wonderful weekend Dog willing we will see you on Monday. Roger


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