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Scanner Reports 2-1-13
updated: Feb 01, 2013, 8:00 AM

By Roger the Scanner Guy

Thank Dog it's FRYday! The 5th one of the New Year, but 1st of the second. Oh Shut the HELL up Roger! I lost my cane. It's a horrible thing when you lose your cane; it's like losing your Teddy Bear. That is what my cane is; my Teddy Bear. Like Linus' dirty Blanket, my cane serves more than one purpose I carry it with me where ever I go when I feel anxiety I have my cane to hold on to. Of course I also need it to help me walk. Without it, I fall down sometimes. If I fall down the Fire Department might have to be called to help me up I'm really quite heavy it could be quite a production getting me off the ground after falling. Books could be written about it, movies made. When I used to fall down a lot more than I do now sometimes two engine companies were called. Now that I don't drink I don't fall down as much. As long as I have my cane I could eventually get myself off the ground. Sometimes I lay there for a moment or two before moving to make sure I don't have a compound fracture, or some other break. The older one gets the more likely things like that happen when one falls down.

I walked without my cane went to Chapala Market and back. Got some fixins' for a pot of lentil stew which I was cooking in my crock pot the last day of the month. Anyone that's hungry in the area is welcome to some. Last time I made a pot I had no takers, which was kind of a bummer because it's usually packed with good thangs: Onions, Potatoes, Carrots, Chilis, I can hardly wait to go grocery shoplifting on pay day. Trader Joes and Fresh and Easy, love both places.

Sure are a lot of traffic accidents lately around here I'm almost afraid to cross the street with the light. I went past the crosswalk at Yananoli and Milpas and had a weird vibe of paranoia, I guess I know now if I got hit I probably wouldn't get up, my bones ache so bad and I'm feeling my limits like I really have to take it easy on myself now. I don't have a vehicle I don't have the luxury of driving myself everywhere, and I injured my back a bicycle seat makes it feel worse so I'm on foot. When I was younger I felt like nothing could hurt me. I had a lot of accidents I got hit a few times walking or on a bike. One time a girlfriend was barreling down on me with a 1973 Ford Station wagon I flipped her the bird and just stood there I really thought she was going to hit the brakes but the birch had other plans she hit me instead. At the last second I jumped up I rolled over the top of the car doing a couple tumbles through the luggage rack yanked my arm outta socket bloodied me up a bit but after a few moments I got up and crawled away.

I did a lot of stupid things when I was younger playing chicken in cars, on bicycles, I'm sure some of YOU did those things too; we can't do them anymore that's for sure! Later on in the Day I found my cane and of all places the last place I thought to look, The Bakery Bad Boy that I yam.

I guess there was a hit and run in the 1000 Block of East Haley on Thursday morning as I was walking thru the area, I did not see it but heard police talking about it. Later on the suspect vehicle was found a couple blocks away near Alphonse and Voluntario a Dodge Charger. I don't know if it was a pedestrian hit or a vehicle but someone was injured and I heard in the hospital just another accident on Santa Barbara streets. I wonder if Hit and Runs, should be called accidents maybe the motorists are running into people on purpose since they leave the scene after hitting them.

Some of my neighbors are annoying they think they are better than other people the trash guys show up and roll the dumpsters down to the street empty the trash and leave the dumpsters there. One neighbor and I have been emptying these things for years; I used to scrub em out. Occasionally a couple of them will roll the thing back into the back but there are several that will not do it at all. It really is annoying after a while that several of the neighbors have lived here for years and have never rolled the dumpster back from the street. I guess they are afraid they will get their soft little hands dirty...Jack Ashes! I'm walking home from the bakery after finding my cane there's these two guys that look an awful lot like undercover coppers one says to me in a booming voice I'm pretty sure my Mother heard in Chicago. "Do you smoke marijuana?!!!" I answered "No" and kept walking. I look like Gandalf and people ask me if I smoke marijuana.

Hairs your Scanner Reports, Wednesday:

  • Engine One responded to a smoke Investigation in the 1300 Block of DLV.
  • There was an alert 2 at the airport for a Cessna with 5 souls on board, plane had an oil leak.
  • Medical Emergency at Central Coast Nursing for difficulty breathing in room 521.
  • 415 Group of panhandlers in front of the Habit 600 Block of State Street.
  • 417 Brandishing a knife 200 Block of South Voluntario suspects name Able, 5'7 short black hair dark blue shirt and jeans, I think they got him in the first block of North Soledad.
  • Code 40 down in the planter between Dargan's and Parking Lot 10. That is why there are so many drunks downtown someone is planting them.
  • Self-Inflicted stab wound to the chest with a letter opener at a motel in the 3500 Block of State Street.
  • Traffic Accident Vehicle vs Pedestrian Olive at Cota streets.
  • Report of 2 Hispanic Male Adults associated with a 2010 Dodge Caravan tan in color offering to paint vehicles telling people they work for Lexus.
  • 110 South La Cumbre 2 vehicle traffic accident minor injuries.
  • CSI at A-1 Storage possible burglaries, or burglary.
  • Juvenile Skateboarders harassing people in the State Street Underpants.
  • Two Homeless Types refusing to leave the Alano Club 235 East Cota. Never forget the time I was hiding in the back of a meeting there, drinking and I dropped a full can of beer and it was rolling across the floor during the meeting that was embarrassing.
  • Santa Maria Miller at Main Streets traffic accident vehicle vs pedestrian.
  • Suspicious Room Mate 5200 Block of San Vicente roommate moving out and taking pictures of everything.
  • SBPD on a subject in the breezeway 700 Block of State Street.
  • Bicycle Theft Hispanic male adult on stolen red Trek North bound on Brinkerhoff from Haley.
  • 415 Physical fight between Mother and Daughter 500 Block of Sycamore.
  • Possible wanted subject in the 200 Block of Canada.
  • Possible parole at large 1500 Block of East Clark in Santa Maria.
  • Possible Bobcat sighting 3700 Block of Lincolnwood.
  • Islay at DLV Hazard investigation vehicle smoking after Hit and Run. Suspect at first ran but came back turning himself in after a neighbor caught up with him and talked him into giving up.
  • Illegal Camper to the rear of the Playground at Chase Palm Park.
  • 415 Customer at the Food Coop in the 6500 Block of Seville he is being verbally aggressive in the front of the store as employees are in the back.
  • Some Type of 415 involving the possible theft of an I-Phone in the 900 Block of Ward Drive.
  • Possible Structure Fire on Cambridge Way.

    Scanner Reports, Thursday:

  • Report of injured subject outside the Pearly Gates of Hope Ranch early this morning heard they were in a Toyota truck did not hear how they were injured.
  • 415 Fight between 6 subjects Anapamu at State Street.
  • Injury traffic accident in the 1000 Block of East Haley.
  • 242 Assault Code 40, Drunk woman says she was 242ed hit in the 500 Block of State Street.
  • 415 Fight in Isle 11 of Ralphs 100 West Carrillo a 484 Shoplifting turns into a 211 Robbery Some people just don't know when to give up!
  • Report of Trash Can or Dumpster Fire in the Bus Roundabout at UCSB.
  • Report of 15-20 Drinkers in the 300 Block of East Cabrillo Chase Palm Park.
  • Stabber Grainey Field a disagreement led to at least two stabbings between Homeless Types in Grainey Field I heard one guy was bleeding from the eye, I hope he didn't lose his eye.
  • Illegal Camper 2000 Block of Oak Avenue.
  • Alphonse at North Voluntario possible vehicle found involved in the accident in the 1000 Block of East Haley. I don't know if it was a hit and run.
  • Report that a feller jumped from a moving vehicle as it traveled on highway 101. That would hurt! CHP was unable to locate the man a known meth user SBPD checked his home and were also unable to locate him.
  • Code Blue on a 3 month old child that started breathing again PRAISE DOG!!! On the East Side.
  • Vehicle Fire in a garage 900 Block of Arbolado.
  • 415 Neighbors in the 1100 Block of North Nopal.
  • Gas odor outside in the area of 2517 Modoc, I think it was a propane odor.
  • 459 Burglary to a residence 2500 Block of Metcliff.
  • Large Dog in distress panting in a vehicle on Oak Knoll, the windows were up also.
  • 415 Fist fight between two, a Middle Eastern man and a Hispanic man DLV at Pedregosa. Police were unable to locate the fighters so they went to Rogers old address in the 1800 Block of DLV But I wasn't there, and neither were the fighters.
  • 415 at the Cacique Street Shelter black female adult refusing to leave.
  • Large Group of Code 40, Drunks kicking soccer balls into cars at East Side Park 200 North Soledad.
  • 415 Over Theft of a purse in front of Office Max 200 East Gutierrez.
  • Car into a pole at Haley and Salsipuedes no one around it. They just parked the car into the pole and left.
  • Also some type of water problem possibly a water main break at the Sand Piper Golf Course.

    That's it outta me for now. Found out I've been GOOGLED! The clerk at Circle K. informed me that on the Googled picture of Circle K is me walking thru the picture. "Can't miss you!" he says. I looked and there went the old Grey Haired Whale, scary didn't get my pretty face though. Heeheehee. Have a Great Weekend and Dog Willing We Will see you on Monday. Roger

    Comments in order of when they were received | (reverse order)

     COMMENT 369862P agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 10:36 AM

    How fun. Siting of a bobcat is on the scanner. It makes me happy that the cats are abounding and that people think a siting is newsworthy. Hooray for bobcats, mountain lions and all!

    Now, please let this cat kill its rodent meal. Leave it be.


     ROGER DODGER agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 11:29 AM

    Sometimews I have things to do like pay my rent, sleep enjoy a hrarty farty Bowel Movement I don't listen to the SCANNER for 24 hours around the clock. I don't set times as to when I sit on my fatty, fatty, 2x4 cannot get in the bathroom door rumpy,rump,rump...My Mommie lives in Chicago so BACK OFF!


     ROGER DODGER agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 11:42 AM

    @62P It was over the scanner so I noted it. I don't care what you think if I hear it again I'll note it again, and again, and again...


     ROGER DODGER agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 11:50 AM

    Oh I just want some of you to know around noon I'm going to the NoPolitos Post Office to send in rent and some bills, probably more like 12:15pm then I'm going to Circle K for a cold drink before I scum home. I might stop over at McDonald Animal Hospital to pay some of my bill that I owe them..Is there anything else you want to know please contact the UH they are my caretakers..


     ROGER DODGER agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 03:44 PM

    Not sure but think they got the Robber from Macys...


     COMMENT 370061 agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 05:45 PM

    I googled circle k and circle k santa barbara and can't find the photo. Can you post a link or be more
    specific. I'd like to put a face to your wonderful musings. thanks!


     ROGER DODGER agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 07:25 PM

    It doesn't show my face..II can't do that link deal it's ok


     COMMENT 370112 agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 08:38 PM

    Roger - Don't despair over what your critics have to say about you. They are jealous of your fame and dry wit...not to mention your fortune. We love you and will continue to be your ever-lovin' caretakers. Peter says you should check the invisi-shield on your ufo. He noticed there seems to be a small crack or some other defect...also- maybe put some more air in your trike tires...we gotta keep you safe.


     ROGER DODGER agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-01 09:00 PM



     COMMENT 370140P agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-02 01:52 AM

    ^ HA!!
    You go Roger.


     COMMENT 370141P agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-02 01:53 AM

    Kudos to UH'ers too. Thanks Stace, and your other half.


     COMMENT 370184P agree helpful negative off topic

    2013-02-02 08:42 AM

    YAY ROGER!!!!


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