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Scanner Reports 1-30-13
updated: Jan 30, 2013, 7:00 AM
By Roger the Scanner Guy
Happy Humpster Day! Wednesday. Middle of the Week. Half- way there for you Bankers. Tuesday morning I went for my little walkie poo. It was COLD, kinda froze my lungs like Chicago used to. I felt some anxiety like I couldn't breathe so well and decided not to walk so far away just in case I fell over I didn't want to do it far from my little Mousey Housey. I went up and down the driveway a few times and through the Cacique Street Underpants a few times. Of course I had to cut one. You get to walking everything starts moving around in there, here I am walking along and I could feel it building. I looked around no one was around Thank the Good Dog for that, "WHOOM! POP!" my butt exploded I hope there was no damage like a little firecracker in there. Wow I thought kinda different sounding I heard something behind me, sure enough there were two women giving me dirty looks! Where the HELL did they come from? I thought SNOT Out loud from now on I'm holding everything in! I got back to Milpas street and this vehicle pulls up a man is looking over at me I'm thinking maybe I should run. My luck's not runnin so good today. This guy says to me "I read your column every day and I like it, I'm Officer...." I didn't hear his name he had to drive off after that but Wow! I was floored! I went and told Belinda right away! I was really proud of myself the HELL with my lungs I walked all over the place after that. I went around the Ball field, up Cabrillo, down Cabrillo, farting all the way. I smiled and greeted everyone I saw with a HUGE Good Morning!
It was a Glorious morning except for the friggin' pain. I got home and got out the Zapper dumping the mousey into the Green Recycling can. He had this shocked expression on his face like he couldn't believe I set him up. I said to his carcass as I was dumping it "It's much easier to kill after the first time." I could swear I could see a little piece of kale on his teeth as he went in the can.
I sure hope I don't get that thing that's going around some of the medical calls I hear over the Scanner are pretty frightening. You don't really know why people are vomiting all over the place, why they are very ill, why they have a high fever, or difficulty breathing but you suspect that it's the flu that's going around. I'm afraid to go see my doctor I bet there are a lot of people in the waiting room with it. I just hope the last Flu shot I got from my former doctor had several doses that will last a long time in it. I had something about a month ago a cold or something. Don't think it was this thing that's going around. Hopefully my karma is above water enough I won't get it. I hope none of you get it either. I've been taking hits of fresh OJ Early in the morning and late in the evening hoping it will keep it away.
I recently volunteered to do this study thingamajig for the Post Office and IBM. Anyone else out there get sucked into this? It's called being a mail reporter. They send you the information you can volunteer or not, I did I usually do but I won't no more. I started getting more and more mail you have to call a phone number or you can report online. They started sending more and more mail and if for some reason you missed, or screwed up you get a letter that was a little SNIPPY. Well it was a little too SNIPPY for me I went Postal! I'm doing them a favor with all these stupid letters every day and they dare to give me POO POO?! I started wondering just how much does IBM get paid for my work? Meanwhile once a month I get a stupid newsletter, constant letters thanking me for volunteering, and several cheap plastic letter openers for my trouble. Then they got SNIPPY with me. I haven't been doing it for a while I've been writing return to sender on the test mail some of it I tossed. I feel like I've been scammed. No longer will I volunteer to do these things. Get SNIPPY with me don't they know I'm Da King?
Oh Well Here is Thy Scanner Reports, Monday:
SBPD on a group at Ortega Park.
10851 Stolen Auto in Santa Maria the license plates were found but not the vehicle a 1997 Booger Green Honda Accord.
Report of an injured Hawk highway 101 at Padaro.
Check the Welfare of the Man on the Anapamu Foot Bridge exposing himself Hispanic male adult in his 40's.
Report of Transient slamming Dog to pavement then kneeling on him at Carrillo and DLV.
Report of Idiot Aggressive Panhandler screaming at people at San Ysidro onramp.
Subjects one wearing a Black Hoodie the Otter wearing a Grey Hoodie at Voluntario and Cacique there are otters SBPD running them Gang Ties.
Found Property in the 1300 Block of Cacique.
Subject with warrants 300 Block of East Carrillo.
Broadway in Santa Maria vehicle vs Pedestrian.
1300 Block of North H Street another accident vehicle vs pedestrian.
Subject Trespassing 1000 Block of East Ortega.
In the 300 Block of Goodwin there was a 5 year old male walking by himself and a grey Toyota Tacoma following.
Found Property at Rite Aid left behind by a Shoplifter a dumb shoplifter. I did not hear which Rite Aid it was but the one on Milpas gets hit a lot.
Out of Control BBQ Fire First Block of St. Francis cross of Ontare.
459, Burglary to a residence on highway 246 missed exact location the suspect a Black male Adult approx. 6'6.
Report of a subject either Under the Influence of drugs or drunk walking in traffic Chapala at DLV Black male Adult approx. 55 years old.
600 Block of Jacaranda Way reporting party found a trail of blood near their home.
Jesus wants to 11-98 (meet) with a Sheriff Officer in front of the station and turn in a wallet he found.
Report of a white male adult Southbound on DLV in traffic stumbling and Drunk.
Check the Welfare of a 15 year old outside the Turnpike Vons begging they didn't say for what but probably money or food.
Report of Smoke odor in the 800 Block of State Street, no fire was found.
415 Transient raising HELL at the Library 40 East Anapamu.
Transient refusing to leave the Panda Express in the 3800 Block of State Street.
Code 40, Drunk down in front of Holy Cross Church 1740 Cliff Drive.
Suspicious Subject 1ST West Gutierrez in Parking Lot 12 wearing dark clothing and a backpack looking into vehicles.
Full Fire Response for a Dumpster Fire next to the Starbucks at Market Place 7000 Block.
Scanner Reports, Tuesday:
459, Burglary to Granite Construction highway 101 South of Buellton.
2000 Block of Foothill Road in Santa Maria Structure Fire.
SBPD on a wanted subject in the 400 Block of North Milpas.
Dine and Dash Denny's upper State Suspects possible Homeless Types staying at an upper State Street Motel 3 Gals, Two Guys.
415 Subject challenging security at the Cacique Street Shelter.
415 Homeless Types at Stevens Park 200 Block of Canon Drive.
Medical Emergency Male Vomiting on the Castillo Off Ramp.
1600 Block of Edison A travel Trailer burning next to a barn.
Southbound highway 101 just past Garden Street Gardeners tools on the highway including broken flower pots, kinda weird the Gardeners Tools fell off near Garden Street huh?
Subject down on the Handball Court with a head injury at Peabody School.
Check the Welfare of a Homeless Type Down in the 300 Block of North Milpas.
Between Arrellaga and Mission Street on Highway 101 3 Car accident one injury.
Medical Emergency for an unresponsive female in the Shoe Dept. of Nordstrom's.
200 Block of East Cook at the Santa Maria Police Dept. medical emergency for a head injury.
Report that someone was spray painting cars at Cost Co at Market Place in the parking lot.
Hit and Run SBCC Victim at home now.
Suspicious Subject in the area of Zodo's dressed in camo spoke to the wrong person about Bombs and Bomb threats etc. The wrong person called 911. SBSO were looking around for this fella near Zodo's and the County Meat Market I don't know if they ever found him.
Well that's it outta me for now Have a Wonderful Hump Day Wednesday. Dog Willing We Will see you on FRYday. Roger
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