2010 Predictions
updated: Jan 02, 2010, 9:45 AM

By Gowest

Predictions for 2010

1) Many people will misspell the new mayor's name … using two L's in her first name, leaving out the E at the end of her name, or placing the I before E in her last name.

2) Oprah will announce that she is moving to Santa Barbara permanently after her show ends. Local activists will start a petition drive to get the show to stay on air longer.

3) Plans for the La Entrada project will be officially abandoned in favor of a plan to move Neverland Ranch to the Santa Barbara waterfront. The local tourism industry will support the plan. Local activists will hold a rally declaring that the King of Pop is alive and well and living in Goleta.

4) The suicide barrier project will be officially abandoned in favor of a plan to draw a blue "no-jumping" line around Santa Barbara County. Marc McGinness will celebrate the new plans by bungie jumping naked off the old bridge. Local activists will hold a sit-in, demanding that McGinness put his clothes back on.

5) Students at UCSB will refuse to go to class until fees are lowered, Floatopia will be sanctioned, Halloween will be moved to June, and people over 25 years old will be banned from Isla Vista. The UCSB faculty won't even notice the missing students. But someone will notice a person using a water bottle to threaten a college employee who would have been there if he wasn't off on furlough.

6) A new restaurant will open up, named The Wag Along, serving organic dog meals to hungry canines while owners wait outside tethered to bike racks.

7) There will be no fires in 2010. Public officials will hold monthly press conferences to inform the public of this fact.

8) The Country, the State, the County, the City, and the school districts will not be able to balance their respective budgets.

9) All local newspapers, TV and radio stations will go out of business. Only Edhat will be left standing.

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Edhat Subscriber Gowest provides predictions year twenty-ten