Subscriber Comments for
Panic Calls

Comments in order of when they were received | (reverse order)

COMMENT 302494	2012-07-28 10:23 AM
IMO it won't last. I know it didn't for me in the same circumstances. You meet new people in college and hang around new groups. Such an exciting time! If it works, great, but I certainly wouldn't expect it to... especially at that age.
COMMENT 302500	2012-07-28 10:36 AM
Dump him now. His controlling habit will only get worse.
COMMENT 302502	2012-07-28 10:43 AM
Maybe he's got a guilty conscience - you know - the old song, "If you can't be with the one you love..."
COMMENT 302508	2012-07-28 11:03 AM
Trust goes both ways. If your smoke is too thick he is going to keep thinking something is up, most people would. Because you already seem to have one foot out the door (considering break up) you probably are not giving him much promising feedback. Long distance relations are rarely easy. If I was him at that age I would go for those in closer range and if you were to visit then fit you into the schedule. Your friends and family must know something about you that he doesn't if they are going to be mad at you about this. What is your little secret ? Some times someone appears controlling when dealing with someone who is out of control.
COMMENT 302515	2012-07-28 11:18 AM
He sounds like a person with either OCD, or separation issues. (speaking as an OCD sufferer) unless you are willing to emotionally support this person for life, don't remain involved. My hubby has been a wonderful support system for 36 years, and I am always thankful. By the way, I have wondered, is Edda a real advice column, or is it made up, for entertainment?
COMMENT 302516P	2012-07-28 11:20 AM
ah, how great it was to be 18. these are potentially some of the best times in your life, there's no real reason for you to let a clingy boyfriend hold you back. it sounds like the best thing you could do is cut him loose, let him go off on his own and find his confidence. i had a girlfriend in high school who caused me much worry. our breakup was a fantastic lesson for me, i learned life goes on with or without that "special" person. trying to keep that relationship alive while in college would have been a nightmare. as a 29 yr old male college grad who's been in the LDR situation before, my advice is to set him free!
COMMENT 302517	2012-07-28 11:21 AM
Next time call him from a party. Then say I gotta go. Call you tomorrow. Then don't.
COMMENT 302525P	2012-07-28 11:46 AM
Your post doesn't indicate whether he lives nearby or far away, only that you go to different colleges. Your signature, Feeling Followed, suggests you're already uncomfortable with what's happening. This guy has problems -- how involved do you want to become with them?
COMMENT 302527	2012-07-28 12:00 PM
You haven't even begun to live life yet......be free, be your own person or at least use these early years to find out who *you* are. Get rid of that huge bowling ball around your neck and get out there and experience life. Stop being a people pleaser and that includes your family, I can't imagine your family wanting you to be tied down to such an insecure guy at your age. I am not suggesting living an "out of control" lifestyle, just concentrate on getting your degree, finding a career you love and being self supportive and gaining enough confidence in yourself and your abilities to not be so needy. Yes, feeling needed by someone as needy as your boyfriend is an indication of your own neediness. Go live life and grow and mature into an amazing, secure woman!:-)
COMMENT 302540	2012-07-28 12:43 PM
He can't help it? Maybe it's time he learned as it's hardly a redeemable quality. He can replace it with patience and trust.
COMMENT 302582	2012-07-28 03:11 PM
Have to learn to be ok on your own, before you share your life with someone. Cut him loose. He has to be ok alone
COMMENT 302601	2012-07-28 04:08 PM
Maybe he loves you and is insecure???
COMMENT 302494	2012-07-28 04:45 PM
People, the guy is 18! Both of them are young pups! This is how most guys at this age act. Some of you make it sound like he's psychotic, when in reality he just has some growing up to do.
COMMENT 302516P	2012-07-28 05:08 PM
494, i think the point is he's not going to grow up as long as he's clinging lovestruck to her. i can relate to how he's feeling, i was there at his age. the best thing she can do for herself AND him is set the boy free so he can learn to become an independent man.
COMMENT 302644	2012-07-28 06:46 PM
Sometimes its hard to be a woman Giving all your love to just one man You'll have bad times And he'll have good times Doing things that you don't understand But if you love him you'll forgive him Even though he's hard to understand And if you love him Oh be proud of him 'Cause after all he's just a man Stand by your man Give him two arms to cling to And something warm to come to When nights are cold and lonely Stand by your man And tell the world you love him Keep giving all the love you can Stand by your man Stand by your man And show the world you love him Keep giving all the love you can Stand by your man
COMMENT 302664	2012-07-28 08:52 PM
dump him
COMMENT 302676P	2012-07-29 04:42 AM
You're too young to have this kind of weight. Explore and experience, but stay light. You have plenty of time ahead to be in a commited relationship. Now is your time.
FLICKA	2012-07-29 06:54 AM
Being on a time schedule about calling is being controlled. His calling friends and parents is unacceptable; having them get mad at you, instead of him, doesn't make sense. Cut the ties with him, he is insecure and has no trust in you. Not good for either of you.
COMMENT 302710	2012-07-29 08:07 AM
How can you find yourself if you don't have a chance to get lost? Welcome back Edda. I've missed you.
COMMENT 302732	2012-07-29 09:20 AM
If he is now affecting your relationships with friends and family, he has passed over the line. If you ask him to reign it in and stop calling them, and he continues to call them, then he needs help. No this is not cute and endearing; this is not that he "loves you so much". He needs treatment for his panic disorder. A good school pyschologist can help him deal with separation anxiety and figure out his insecurity. Controlling behavior can grow into abuse. After all you are going to go to different schools and he has to deal with it.
COMMENT 302758	2012-07-29 11:03 AM
Dump this loser and call me!
JAZZEE	2012-07-29 01:20 PM
I love Ask Edda. So glad you're back.
COMMENT 302803	2012-07-29 01:36 PM
These are characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic household. A. We became isolated and afraid of other people and authority figures. B. We became approval seekers and lost our own identities in the process. C. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. D. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find ANOTHER COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY such as a workaholic to fill our sick abandonment needs. E. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendshiprelationships. F. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is eadier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look too closely at our own faults. G. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. H. We become addicted to excitement.
COMMENT 302804	2012-07-29 01:44 PM
I. We confuse love with pity and tend to 'love' people who we can 'pity' and 'rescue'. J. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial). K. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. L. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order not to experience painfull abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. M. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up the drink. N. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
COMMENT 302807	2012-07-29 02:07 PM
My ex-wife was this type. She has separation anxiety issues with her best friend, her father, her aunt, you-name-it. She used to barrage me with phone calls at work, even though my employer had a strong policy against personal phone calls. When I was counselled in writing, with warning of termination, I told her that either the calls had to stop immediately, or I was out the door. Looking back on the years that followed, I wish fervently that I had broken up with this control-freak and drama queen. If your long-term happiness and peace of mind mean anything to you, dump this guy and do it pronto.
COMMENT 302527	2012-07-29 03:15 PM
03 great list and so very true. This also holds true for anyone who grew up in a household where other addictions were present not just alcohol.

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