Subscriber Comments for
Bored to Tears

Comments in order of when they were received | (reverse order)

COMMENT 138904	2011-01-22 10:11 AM
When children say they are bored, they mean they want attention. They are trying to be a part of the action, not excluded. Obviously the child in this case went to the extreme to get some attention from the mother. I would be glad that the child will not be in your house again, since the mother is completely incompetent. I would send the mother a bill for the cleaning of your couch. To answer the question of if you were wrong doesnt really matter. It is never appropriate to yell at a child, especially one who is not your own. However, it is ok to save a child from danger, so you are kinda in the middle of a rock and a hard place. What would have been better, if you had the chance, was to tell your friend that she needs to take her child home and you will hook up again later.
COMMENT 138911	2011-01-22 10:27 AM
Move on and expand your circle of friends without brats or rug rats.
COMMENT 138924	2011-01-22 11:12 AM
No, you were not wrong. If a parent won't correct their child, then someone else has to. Perhaps you need more responsible friends.
SHOREBIRD	2011-01-22 11:47 AM
Why would you want to be friends with a woman with such horrible judgment? She doesn't respect you or your stuff. The child will have piercings, tatts and no hymen by the age of 12 because her mom can't set limits.
COMMENT 138936P	2011-01-22 12:15 PM
Ask Edda why her 'advice' is always so awful.
COMMENT 138942	2011-01-22 01:22 PM
This creature and her spawn are not your friends. Learn from this.
COMMENT 138947P	2011-01-22 02:02 PM
The original post doesn't indicate anyone yelled at the child. She was on your furniture, you told her to get off. She cried because it wasn't the reaction she wanted. Her mother is angry with you because she's angry at herself for not handling the situation better.
COMMENT 138954P	2011-01-22 02:31 PM
I smell a rat. How does a leather couch have sneaker marks exactly? If it was dirt, it'd wipe off. If it was a "scratch" it would rub off. That's what leather sofas do and why people like them. These letters are faked. At least make them good.
ROGER DODGER	2011-01-22 02:33 PM
Kids an alcoholic they don't listen, probably a sober one.
COMMENT 138959	2011-01-22 02:51 PM
If someone brought their kid over to my house, and the kid acted that way, and the parent didn't do anything about it, I'd be appalled and glad that they would not be coming back. What rude behavior - that mom owes you an apology and she needs to set her kid straight on how to behave when you visit someone else's house. If it were my kids that behaved that way at someone's house, I'd make my kids apologize to that person. There's no excuse for rude behavior.
COMMENT 138967	2011-01-22 03:34 PM
Dear Edda hater - I wrote the letter and I am not fake.
COMMENT 138971	2011-01-22 04:23 PM
I love Saturday. I get to do the Friday crossword from the WSJ and then read Edda. It behooves Mommy to decide whether little 7 year old is old enough to stay home alone or needs to have a sitter. "Sit down,keep quiet,don't touch anything for three hours while my moronic friend and I prattle on about meaningless affairs." Why drag the poor kid out at all?
COMMENT 138974	2011-01-22 04:45 PM
In defense of the 7 year old, your conversation was obviously boring. What kind of hostess are you? Next time plan conversation and activities that will engage all your guests.
COMMENT 138981	2011-01-22 05:09 PM
138967 - No you didn't because Edhat writes all the letters.
COMMENT 138983	2011-01-22 05:31 PM
I wrote a letter once and Edda answered it with great wisdom. She is not fake, and I believe.
COMMENT 139001P	2011-01-22 07:24 PM
No, you were not wrong. At first, I wasn't going to read the comments, let alone reply, thinking it must be fake: who would visit someone else's house and let their kid walk onto the glass coffee table! Tough about your friend, but as a wise psychiatrist friend once said to me when I was moaning about an apparent loss of a friendship, "You can't lose what you don't have."
COMMENT 138967	2011-01-22 08:03 PM
People are scared of their kids. Even when it is a matter of safety, they seem hesitant to exert their authority, for fear of damaging the kids' delicate psyche. What happened to the idea that children need to be taught boundaries to make them feel secure? I was in the grocery with a couple of kids today whose mom just didn't seem to have any control when she told them to settle down and stop pulling everything off the shelves. I almost said something! I feel for the OP - you were not wrong.
COMMENT 139011	2011-01-22 08:24 PM
This seems like another of those scenarios where there is two sides to every story (Like the women and kid that tried to play with the blind womans working dog in Trader Joes). I am guessing that this kid did these things, but the OP did not exactly react in precisely the way stated. Perhaps the OP wants justification and support for her version of the story. How do we know she was not wrong?
COMMENT 139018P	2011-01-22 10:44 PM
Read Starshine's column in this week's Independent. (We all should be disciplining the kids, to create more considerate and responsible adults.)
COMMENT 139031	2011-01-23 07:42 AM
In your position I would have had a strong reaction to the situation too. And although in a perfect world it may have been better to reschedule another visit without kids present, it's probably good for the little girl to get a taste of reality to wake her up. Kids and even oldsters sometimes think they can get away with stuff because the world caters to them in some ways, and I'm a big fan of wake-up calls as long as they aren't mean-spirited or abusive. And for sure bill your friend for the couch stains, and have a talk with her about what happened. Sometimes the parents are the ones that need some tough-love and consequences just as much as the kids do!
CALENGR	2011-01-23 08:45 AM
When I was that age, I would never have been allowed to say I was bored and wanted to leave. It would never have occurred to me anyway. I understood the world did not revolve around me. My mom made sure I had something to keep myself occupied when I was taken visiting. The mom was responsible for making sure her daughter was entertained. If it has been my house and my friend allowed her kid to walk on my table, I would have picked the kid up, placed her on the floor and told her that behavior wasn't acceptable. Thankfully, though, my friends that bring kids over discipline appropriately so that I don't have to do it for them.
COMMENT 139056P	2011-01-23 09:16 AM
The mother should have told the kid to sit down and behave - a long time ago....
COMMENT 139084	2011-01-23 10:20 AM
you were RIGHT. It will be a rude awakening for the child when she goes out into the world and faces reality.
COMMENT 139094	2011-01-23 10:47 AM
I have a really hard time believing this story. Also, does it make any difference that the couch was leather and table was glass? What ever furniture you have, rotting, ripped and old, a child of that age should never ever be jumping on it!
COMMENT 139101	2011-01-23 11:15 AM
I used to tell my boys, "Are you bored or are you boring?" A parent should bring a few books, or quite activities along if sitting still and talking is part of the day. Children need to learn to be responsible during a reasonable amount of quite time but children also need to move. I think the parent should take this as a valuable learning experience and after talking to the child about why you do not stand on other people's furniture, (it does not matter that the table was glass or the sofa was leather) take her over to her friends home and apologize. The offended friend could have a small snack ready, welcome the child and admire her courage. Forgiveness can be magical and a powerful thing to model for children.
COMMENT 139101	2011-01-23 12:01 PM
Children need to have boundaries and learn how to behave in many different situations. Parents need to teach and model appropriate behavior for them. My experience is that many parents today are afraid of their kids and parenting afraid is not a good way to go. Children sense hesitation and uncertainty and are then in charge.
COMMENT 139116	2011-01-23 12:22 PM
It is your couch and your house so therefore you weren't wrong. You were, however, not a very effective influence and apparently ended a friendship. Maybe use a bit more tact when dealing with kids. Instead of her lesson being one of manners she left the encounter with the understanding that mean people suck. I'm guessing she didn't have indelible ink on her shoes?
GRANNYFRANNY	2011-01-23 12:47 PM
Starshine Roshell is Da Bomb! she is so right about reprimanding other people's kids (especially in your own house) if they are disturbing you or damaging things of yours.
COMMENT 138974	2011-01-23 02:12 PM
Ask your friend (the mother of the little girl) if she, the mother was bored and felt like walking across the hostess' coffee table. If yes, I rest my case.
COMMENT 139171	2011-01-23 04:45 PM
018 I'm sorry but I disagree. I have no reason to be bothered to discipline your children. You made babies, it's up to you to raise them "right" or you'll have to deal with the wrath of the rest of society if you do it wrong. I had doubts about my own ability to raise quality children and therefore I have no children. If you made babies then you had no doubts about your ability to raise quality kids. Do it yourself and do it well. Wait - you did think about the responsibilites that come with procreation right?
COMMENT 139174P	2011-01-23 05:03 PM
I prefer Edda to Starshine. Starshine is so yesterday's news. Actually, I must admit I didn't read all of Starshine's column this week. I tried, but it's so cute, and in a kind of last-millennium type of way. Truthfully, I can't even read to the bottom of the page without clicking away. Edda is so to the point. And, then she leaves the rest up to us. I would love to see a real picture of Edda. I'll bet she's a lot hotter than Starshine, too.
COMMENT 139180	2011-01-23 05:56 PM
no you were not wrong obviously your friend didn't have any respect for your home if she let her daughter walk all over your table a parent should be more responsible for there kids and of other peoples homes maybe the mom should have left the kid at home if I did that when I was a kid I would have been slapped by my mom.
COMMENT 139183P	2011-01-23 06:14 PM
Of course the kid was bored. Suggest that she go outside and play. On the freeway.
COMMENT 139184P	2011-01-23 06:27 PM
When my husband was in the army a new couple moved in behind us. The next day I was going to the PX so I asked if they would like to go. (on base several miles away) Mama thought a moment then said "I guess not. The last time I left them in someones car they broke the windshield." Invitation never offered again--also not invited into my house.
COMMENT 139307	2011-01-24 09:13 AM
It's okay to yell at a kid to get off furniture. Sheesh, Santa Barbara, no wonder the kids around here and their parents have such unrealistic expectations of others and a lack of personal responsibility.
COMMENT 139386	2011-01-24 10:58 AM
Why I ask people to not bring children when they visit me.

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