COMMENT 323150
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2012-09-22 06:41 PM |
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I don't think she's trying to tell you anything more than that she wants to retain some independence. Suggest a monthly allotment to go into an account to be used for bills while she retains her own account to spend as she pleases. If she's not into that try looking at it from the perspective of appreciation! Be happy that she's willing to chip in her share and isn't looking for a man to spend his dime on her stability. Sounds like you've got a great one to me!
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COMMENT 323165
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2012-09-22 07:19 PM |
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You *think* you *might* be headed to be married someday?? Well besides wasting her time living with someone that she may or may not marry someday, I'd say she's pretty smart to keep the money situation separate. Prevents those nasty court cases later when/if you break up. The only thing you would have to agree on is who gets the dog.
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COMMENT 323195
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2012-09-22 08:24 PM |
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Many married couples manage separate bank accounts. If you have not yet proposed what do you expect ? She is living with you for €#£|$+$ sake. What indication do you need that your in the running? At least she's not using you. Keep your chin up, be proud of her, and realize that all women are some sort of freak. I have been with a control freak and I will tell you from what info you have given your lady is light on the control freekiness .
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COMMENT 323216P
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2012-09-22 09:44 PM |
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Are both of you working and are your salaries roughly the same? If one of you is earning substantially less, you might look at an adjustment. Otherwise, it seems like a smart arrangement,
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COMMENT 323229
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2012-09-23 06:34 AM |
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Dude! Are you kidding me? Let her pay. Dont ever get married. Count your blessings.
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REXOFSB
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2012-09-23 07:31 AM |
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If she's going to be so nit-picky as to say that you eat more so you should pay more for food, insist that she pay for the plumber the next time one is called to remove HER hair from the shower drain. If you've lived with her for six months, that should be about any day now.
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COMMENT 323246
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2012-09-23 07:51 AM |
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Get a joint checking account and put equal amounts in it every month. My husband and I have been doing that for about 30 years. Saves a lot of trouble.
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COMMENT 323250
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2012-09-23 07:53 AM |
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Mixing bank accounts??? The horror! Have you not been paying attention to the #1 cause of marital discord? Money matters.... and finger pointing. :-) If you guys can't figure out how to pay your groceries it's not her commitment that's the problem but the very nature of your relationship. NO TRUST. Think about it.... it's not all about you, you know.
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COMMENT 323258
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2012-09-23 08:19 AM |
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My first husband and I kept our finances separate for 17 years and it worked out great. We made about the same amount of money but he liked to spend outrageous amounts on bicycles and I liked to buy designer clothes but there was never an argument about money. In some ways I preferred it to now where with husband #2 we pool everything but I feel like I'm getting grilled if I come home with a shopping bag.
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COMMENT 323265
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2012-09-23 08:39 AM |
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I would rather be single and homeless and broke with my own dog.
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BLUEB
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2012-09-23 10:18 AM |
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When I was first out of college and making a very low salary, my partner, who made significantly more than me, came up with this financial arrangement: Of our combined salaries, he made about 70% and I made about 30% of the total. We shared a joint checking account to pay our shared expenses, e.g., rent, utilities, groceries. (We also each had our own personal bank accounts.) Every month we estimated all the shared expenses, and then we would each make a deposit into our shared checking account to cover the bills -- 70% of the total was paid by him, and 30% was paid by me.
This arrangement benefited both of us. Clearly, I got to live in a nicer place than I could have on my own salary. Also, I had an opportunity to save money and get on my feet. My partner got to live with me and do things lots of activities together that we couldn't have if he expected me to pay half of everything. There was a lot of trust and partnership in our relationship, and we never argued about money. I have always been grateful to him for this generous arrangement.
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COMMENT 323323
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2012-09-23 11:46 AM |
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Try: having a joint, check out of this business contract you have enslaved yourself to and take or leave the dog.
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COMMENT 323324
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2012-09-23 12:00 PM |
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I think she has been watching Judge Judy. For anyone to start mixing their finances with someone else without a contract is asking for trouble. Put a ring on it if you want her to act like she is married to you.
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COMMENT 323325
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2012-09-23 12:04 PM |
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I don't see the problem here. They just need to be more flexible. Our general plan is my husband pays the rent and any "treats", such as occasional meals out and a movie. I pay all utilites, food bills ( except for beer and wine) my gas, and general household expences. We alternate or share family birthday and holiday gifts and cards etc. But we are not rigid and can bend either way anytime. I guess we each feel we are contributing our share.
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COMMENT 323336
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2012-09-23 01:00 PM |
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It will end when you marry her.
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COMMENT 323341
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2012-09-23 01:29 PM |
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OP: You "think" you're headed toward getting married? That sounds very non-committal. What do you WANT for the future with her? If you want to marry her someday, have you told her? Has she said anything to you about wanting to marry you? You don't need to actually be married, in order to live in a committed relationship. If the two of you love each other enough to feel comfortable making your life's commitment to each other, you could always get engaged to her and live together with that much commitment. I have a feeling that there may be something in the dynamic between the two of you, that has caused her to be less than certain what the future holds. If that is the case, then all she is doing, is trying to protect both of your independence, and avoid getting your and her finances totally entangled, as they would naturally be if you were fully committed to each other.
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COMMENT 323349
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2012-09-23 01:41 PM |
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It will never end, unless you develop a system that pleases both of you. Communicate. Discuss some of the arrangements others have suggested. Consider whether the lack of a contract (marriage) is part of the issue. Does she perceive that you wouldn't pay your fair share if she didn't itemize? Or that she'd be beholden to you if she let you pay extra? You two are _way_not ready for marriage.
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COMMENT 323392
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2012-09-23 04:17 PM |
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i made my current wife split bills too. My purposes being money management and I made a fair amount more than her while we were not married but "cohabitating" Bottom line: If you are going to marry this broad, then figure out whats holing you back from popping the question. For us, we didnt want to get married until we were established professionally. Im 31 and shes 29 now, we've been together 10years, married just under 3 Bottom line : If the tedious nature of your finances are causing you suffering, perhaps you either need: to determine more general monthly "shares" OR its one of your ( you or she ) ways of saying "GROW UP"
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COMMENT 323395
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2012-09-23 04:28 PM |
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Steven seems to think that it would be more fair for his girlfriend to pay part of his share.
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COMMENT 323558
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2012-09-24 09:48 AM |
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I suppose the unemployed don't deserve love and marriage?
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COMMENT 323349
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2012-09-25 11:46 AM |
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Question for Even Steven: Did any of these responses help you? Best wishes to you and your girlfriend.
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COMMENT 324072
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2012-09-25 04:27 PM |
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I split the bills with my long time girlfriend but we only tallied it up occasionally. Overtime, it became very occasional. I figured we were mostly even since I covered the rent and she paid the other bills. The last time we tallied it up, I had to pay her $8,000 to bring it back to even. That's when we got a joint account!
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