Spare A Dollar

April 13, 2004 - A Dollar For All Who Ask

We have all seen the tourists looking a little uneasy as they walk from Santa Barbara’s quaint little wharf to our quaint little shopping mall at Paseo Nuevo. To complete their trip, they must travel under a freeway (sometimes smelling like urine) and go past some seedy looking bars and an adult bookstore. All the while, they try to avoid eye contact with small groups of Santa Barbara’s less fortunate - very un-quaint looking people either asking for money or just looking like they need money.

The tourists might run into the guy we saw walking down State Street yesterday with a long gray beard and deep bellowing voice. He looked like Santa Claus in the summer and sounded like James Earl Jones. He was either talking to himself or one of his imaginary friends, or maybe he was barking commands to invisible disciples trapped in another dimension.

“Don’t go so fas’ Mr. Jack Ass!” he roared.

Or, they might run into the older woman who was sitting on a bench looking like she had been on a losing streak for quite some time, who announced to us that she was “running for Mrs. America.” “Good luck!” we said.

These particular individuals were not soliciting money. The loud poetic man and the woman with red carpet dreams proved to be nothing more than a diversion from our work. You see, yesterday we were interested in the down-and-out of Santa Barbara, but only the ones asking for financial assistance. And if they asked for money, the dedicated staff of edhat.com was going to give it to them. Under direct orders from Ed, we were to give a dollar to anyone who asked or who was willing to perform for it.

To prepare for our journey, the dedicated staff stopped in at the bank and withdrew twenty $1 bills. We folded the wad of money in half, put it in our dedicated front pockets, and began our walk. Down State Street we went.

We thought any of the 3 people sitting by the Art Museum could have asked for donations, but it didn’t happen. A guy with no shoes and a cardboard sign said “thank you” in a very nice way. We asked the back-flip-for-a-dollar guy to do his stuff. We paid in advance. The Russian judges would have taken off points for his 3-point landing, but we gave him all 10s. We gave a dollar to the not-so-bad guitar player sitting in front of Pascucci and the barely standing guitar player a few blocks down.

On a bench about a block away from the statue of Sakajawea, a tribute a woman’s perseverance and resourcefulness, lay a women more unconscious than not. A cardboard sign that said only “help” leaned balanced against her hand. We placed our dollar on the bench, but it was sadly apparent that she needed more help than the dedicated staff could provide.

We ended our trip up and down State (from Victoria to Gutierrez and back) with our wallet $8 lighter than when we began. Subscribers Jolinda, PoopiePants, SBheather, Suzila, Tommy Noodleman, Lemony all correctly guessed $8. A random drawing chose PoopiePants as the winner of either a coffee card, movie tickets, or an edhat shirt.

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